The Book I should write

Goodnight, Sweetheart , well, it's time to go.....

2011-06-27T22:57:00.003-05:00

I sang this to my baby girl just minutes ago as I watched her fall into sleep.... the sound of the washer and dryer going at the same time... those sounds filled our house for the full first day of her life and have become the sounds that seem to soothe her the most on days when she needs to nap long and strong.

A year ago I was on the phone with my mom warning her that I'd been having contractions since around 7pm but they were "all over the place" funny how when I hung up the phone I did notice the last 3 times I'd written down were all exactly 10 minutes apart but I figured my luck they would peter out... and one of the ways to find out for sure if you are in labor is to sleep.... so around 12:30ish I drifted off to sleep.. only to be awaken at 3:50 by a horribly painful contraction that broke my water bag at the same time.

...wow what a whirlwind this entire year has been.. from the time I hung up the phone with my mom to go to sleep to now.. as I type this... I just can not believe this year. I want to pour out all that has happened in one year here on this blog.. I want to bang it out for the world to read, so I can keep all 365 days fresh in my mind even when I'm 80...

I find it so amusing when people say to me "enjoy it now, it goes so fast" and my retort always has something to do with "also having a 17 year old" and then they usually say "wow, I dont' have to tell you then" ummm NO YOU DON'T! lol! I've been there.. sighhhhh

Tim has off tomorrow so she'll wake up in her bed surrounded by love of both of her parents... she'll wake up in the exact spot she was born a year ago... she'll wake up and have breakfast in bed just as she's done all but 2 days of her life (2 nights my mom/Tim had to take her home when I was in the hospital)... she'll wake up and I'll say HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY and she won't have a clue it's any other day except a normal day.

Happy Birthday to my sweet little angel, you've taught me so much in such a short amount of time. I'm so glad you are here.

where has time gone?

2011-05-27T00:02:00.003-05:00

Wow... I sit here and read old posts about the "blocks of time" of my pregnancy where I wrote about just trying to get to this day or that day.. through this week or that month.. getting to the goal of birth and raising my boo boo baby and getting her into the world.. now this week I've sent out her birthday party invites.. in just one month from today we'll be celebrating her birthday at her party and 2 days later her actual birth... and people around me say "enjoy it, it goes SO fast" and I always have to remind them (or tell them) I have a 17 year old son.. nobody has to tell me how fast it goes..

It's funny because each day after Olivia's birth seemed like an eternity.. I would sit for hours on the couch in a depends diaper (not to pee in.. for the bleeding) allowing Olivia to nurse for as long as she wanted. I never interrupted her, rarely to get up and pee.. So many days I sat by myself with the remote, a tv tray strategically placed with the lap top, a snack, and a huge glass of water... some burp clothes and diapers/wipes usually on the floor at my feet.. I never had to go far for anything.. I wished so hard for her to get big and grow fast.. to roll over, sit up, crawl, walk.. and funny enough this topic game up at a playdate recently and one of the other mama's explained it perfectly.. she said "I think the first three months go very slow.. you are tired, you don't know what to expect, are learning something new.. then the 3rd month comes and you've reached the top of the hill and when you think you can't stand it any longer time starts FLYING" it. is. so true. for me anyway... now I look back and think that I was drinking those days in.. watching her face as she nursed, as she lay on the floor, screamed and cried during tummy time..

I'm dreading the day that I know the next I won't be breastfeeding any longer.. I'm praying that day won't come for at least another year or much longer if I'm lucky.. but just knowing we won't share that bonding time together is going to break me. Fully knowing this is my last chance baby... so far things have been going the way I'd want them to go.. minus a few minor snafu's..

Dylan continues to charge forward in life.. taking summer classes this year so he can graduate early and start his life.. he's looking forward to either college or the military. He wants both but is working on his decision which path he'll take first. He's dating a girl very seriously, her name is Stacey.. they are very supportive of one another and seem to be very much in love. They were really great friends for months before they started dating and really are a great match. Her family has welcomed Dylan with open arms, even putting him to work when he spends time in their home. I feel as though Dylan has found where he feels at home, finally.. this poor kid has been bounced around so much in life.. something Dan nor I wanted for him.. but his need to stay by his dad's side has been his one solid in life. He's always had an open invitation to live with Tim & I but has never taken us up on that. His amazing bond with this Dad is still strong, for that I'm grateful.

Sighhh and I look back and think about days with Dylan when he was still a baby.. a toddler, a child, a pre teen.. those days are flashes in my life.. thank god for pictures and the funny stories... the way Dan would swaddle him and place him in my armpit to sleep in the mornings before he left for work, those first few steps when we lived in Arizona.. his first birthday party, the day of his 2nd surgery, when he got a kitten, when he had stitches, taking him to amusement parks, having big birthday parties for him with friends from school, him with us at our old house.. at our new house.. riding in our cars.. hanging with Tim playing games.. vacations.. laughing about stupid stuff we both love.. our similarities.. how much he looks like me but has Dan's coloring.. all flashes in mind..

and sooo it goes...

Why breast milk supply issues are mostly total BS in my eyes.

2010-09-13T12:13:00.002-05:00

Ok.. this is copy/pasted from a comment I left on my cousin's FB wall today in response to something mentioned about supply issues. I feel most women's supply issues are a product of todays American society and the push of pacifiers and bottles (even bottles filled with breastmilk). I think if women would search for answers, do their research they would see if they would stick with what nature gave them (their baby and their boobs) they would figure out a way of making it work.

supply issues? none of us would be here if there were REAL supply issues.. it's all in modern bs... new borns by nature should suck I think it's 20 hours per day (I'll have to look this up again) this doesn't mean EATING 20 hours per day, ...this also means pacifying themselves at the breast.. this in itself helps boost milk supply from the get go.. in the US we call this "cluster feeding" however if one would do some research, they would learn that a normal baby feeding should take between 60-90 minutes and would repeat itself every 2 hours.. meaning if you nursed for 90 minutes (that includes the baby just pacifying maybe even sleeping during that time) it would start all over 30 minutes later. So not giving pacifiers (called dummies in other countries I feel for a reason) as a #1 rule would cut back on women having issues with their milk supply.

Not giving bottles for any reason the first weeks of life would also help the situation considering babies aren't stupid. They realize it's much easier to get milk out of a bottle, why would they want the breast after that?

New moms need to realize that bf babies don't get the same oz of liquid as formula fed babies so when you PUMP and see that you are only getting 1oz-2oz out of each breast THAT IS PERFECTLY NORMAL!! Ask yourself, is your baby wetting/dirtying at least 6-8 diapers per day? Then you are fine.

Also my milk did not come in for 4 full days. My baby LIVED, amazing huh? She wasn't hungry.. I've even heard of babies going 7 days waiting for the milk supply.. so mama's who are told or feel they aren't making enough for the baby the first couple days of life ~ colostrum has wayyyy more calories than milk, things are fine.. this is how it works!

Olivia was a slow gainer, so even though she was bfed and didn't gain back her weight until almost 4 weeks of age, she was bfing like a champ and is now gaining 6-8oz per week.. again.. every baby is different.

Sighhhh I'm so sick of hearing women say they didn't have enough supply.. either they did something to eff up their supply or they don't know the facts. Olivia and I had many hurdles including:

1. her short tongue. she had to have her tongue clipped at 48 hours. Most peds will not do this, I had to find an old school ped that would even do it. it took all of 2 seconds, there was no pain, she cried only because people were holding her head and a second later she was at the breast eating and cooing.

2. My short nipples ~ nothing I can do for those other than wearing nipple shields to help draw them out some. BUT the baby has no idea how long a nipple should be so this stopping women from bfing is BIG BS.

3. Her high roof mouth ~ again nothing I can do for this, she eventually learned on her own to work around this. I feel that the reason she wasn't gaining the first 4 weeks of life was because of her inability to transfer milk. As I said, babies/nature are/is smart.

4. How you bf ~ not ONE person told me that I had to be comfortable. I tried the boppy and the baby would roll into the hole between me and the pillow.. totally impossible for me. sitting up in bed, really uncomfortable. Then I was lent a "My breast friend" pillow which is sturdier and that helped tremendously but it was still hard to bf in bed. One day I decided to try bfing sitting on my comfy sofa.. what do you know IT WORKED! Funny how me kicking back relaxing was the ticket to my baby latching easily and my back not hurting. I find to this day trying to bf in a straight chair is impossilble for me. I can do it, she needs to eat, but then I suffer later. If you contiuously are uncomfortable bfing, why would anyone continue. GET COMFY!! Find the pillow(s) that work for you. Boppy didn't work for me SO EFFING WHAT, they might work for you!

Olivia Nicole has FINALLY arrived!!

2010-06-29T22:23:00.008-05:00

Everyone wants to read the labor story, so here it is!!

Olivia Nicole Pelletier 6/28/2010 7:55am 8lbs 10oz 22" long

Sunday June 27th Tim, Dylan and I decided to go hide for the day at the movie theater movie hopping.. we went to see one movie together then broke up and the boys went to see one movie and I went to another on my own. When we left something stupid happened and of course being overly pregnant and sensitive I started crying. Dylan and Tim were both trying to comfort me and we decided to go to an early dinner.

IN the back of my mind I had heard having a good cry started labor so I decided not to worry about crying and let it all go. I cried through dinner at the restaurant, I'm sure Tim & Dylan were thrilled but other people around us managed to ignore me which I was grateful for.

So we got home and I just was feeling cruddy from crying so I went to lay down and Tim's parents came over (they had just driven in from Arizona for a visit). Around 7:30 I finally went out for a walk with the dog and ran into some neighbors who wanted to talk.. While on my walk with Blue I started having some contractions that actually hurt. Then once I got home I was talking to Tim's mom and noticed the contractions stayed going and were strong, but were not consistent.

As soon as they left Tim & I went back out for another walk, hoping to keep the contractions going. Once we got walking they stayed but were all over the place.. one minute apart, 4 minutes, 7 minutes.. this continued after we got home. I called my mom just to tell her and started logging the contractions but they were still 4 minutes apart then 11 minutes, all over the place and obviously false labor. I finally fell asleep around 12:30 and woke up to a few contractions over the next couple hours.

At 3:50 am I woke up to the worst contraction yet, I was screaming and Tim was fumbling all over the bed to try to find me to figure out what was going on. He managed to find my hand just as I felt a POP and felt a major gush and I was yelling "oohh my god" and Tim was all "whhahhht is going on"? I got up to go to the bathroom and sure enough more clear amniotic fluid came gushing out. I grabbed a towel and laid it out in the middle of the loft, took off my night shirt and was on all fours yelling for Tim to get my phone and was dialing my mom. I was on the phone with my mom and got back up because I thought I had to go to potty again and was on the phone screaming bloody murder with my parents listening on the other end (I heard later my mom had the phone on speaker so my dad heard the whole commotion).

My parents got in the car right away and I called my midwife who sent the nurse over. The nurse came over rather quickly, it seemed like no time had passed but in that time Tim was busy setting up the birthing tub and trying to help me the best he could. The nurse Karen was the first to arrive and she got to the top of the stairs and here I am naked on all fours on a towel in the middle of a contraction. All she could say is "oohhhh sweeeeetie" and she dropped her bag and was at my side. Karen became the only person that I wound up listening to and focusing on throughout the labor, not sure why but even when my midwife would say something for some reason I couldn't process it unless Karen repeated it or touched me.

My parents showed up next, my dad came to get the dog which luckily Blue didn't put up a fight. From the second I popped out of bed screaming to hours after the birth I couldn't figure out where the dog had gone. I felt really bad because I must have scared the devil out of Blue. My dad assures me that Blue was fine and continues to do fine over at his house although the first day was a little rough for him.

So now my mom is there so she is running around trying to get pots of water boiling for the tub, the tub is now mostly filled and I'm getting in but it's too cold to birth the baby in. The nurse checked me and I'm dilated to 8, never heard how effaced I was but to me I was so glad that I wasn't the girl who cried wolf. For all the pain I was in I was worried that the nurse would get there and I would only be dilated to 2 and still have a long painful labor ahead of me.

Time was all a blur for me, the next thing I know my midwife was here with her assistant Becky.. a house full of very supportive educated woman and my poor hubby trying his best to do everything that needed to be done. I had everything very organized in preparation for the birth but of course while I'm in labor people are asking where this or that is and I'm all frustrated growling that "IT'S ALL HERE, UNDER THE TABLE, IN THE BIN" etc pointing towards rooms/areas where I had the supplies.

I was in the tub laboring, trying not to tense up and every contraction I would just put my hand outstretched (a trick I'd learned from my cousin to keep relaxed) on the outside of the tub. Funny enough I had just been reading BREAKING DAWN (the last Twilight book) that day and was reading the part about Bella burning. The words "it felt like I'd gone from being tied to the stake as I burned, to gripping that stake to hold myself in the fire" kept recycling in my mind. The pain was what it should be, my body was doing it's work and the pain was bringing me closer and closer to holding my precious baby safely in my arms. Karen would put her hand loosely on top of mine and talk me through the contraction, breathing and telling me my body was doing it's job. That's all I needed to hear to keep focused.

Eventually Debbie my midwife wanted to check me and she said right away that my cervix had a lip so she wanted me to get out of the tub to have it pushed back. Once out of the tub I was still laboring and did start pushing but that darn lip kept coming back.

Later I heard that I had pushed Olivia's head really far out 5 times in a row and I kept stopping short and she would slide right back in. At some point Debbie was telling me to push past the "ring of fire" and I wasn't there yet. I thought I was only thinking I wasn't there yet, but my mom told me that I actually did say it out loud. Pushing on the floor outside the tub on the floor wasn't working and my midwife suggested we move. Luckily Tim & I think Becky (the midwife assistant) had gotten the bed ready in a short amount of time and in bed I climbed. I didn't like laying down to push, so then I was on all fours in bed.. that wasn't working and I wound up on my right side with Tim behind me and my mom standing behind the bed behind Tim. Debbie was still holding that lip of my cervix trying to guide me where to push and Becky & Karen were holding my legs in place and verbally walking me through the birth.

Eventually I could feel her moving down and from what my mom said I actually said this out loud, but I do not remember actually saying that out loud either. Once I got her head out I was breathing in a hyperventilating type fashion and all I was saying was "okay okay okay okay okay okay" or something like that just trying to focus. I had to get the shoulders out and Debbie was down there trying to get them out and the next thing I felt was a huge gush of relief. I looked down and she was out on the bed, Debbie, Becky, and Karen were scrambling to clean her up a little, look at her, and get her to my chest.

Tim was behind me crying, my mom was crying and babbling, and all the ladies were cooing over how beautiful she was. Funny thing was, I never stopped myself in that minute as I normally do to breath in and out and really etch that moment into my memory. I did that with Dylan's birth and with some other major times in my life where I wanted to remember everything as it was happening around me. I didn't do that but I don't think I'll forget.

A few things that I didn't fit into the story. Any noise that diverted my attention REALLY ticked me off during the labor. At one point my mom was making coffee downstairs, and her coffee maker has a grinder on it (I don't drink coffee so my mom had to bring her own supplies for everyone). I was yelling down the stairs to "SHUT THAT FUCKING NOISE UP RIGHT THE FUCK NOW" or some such shit.

Also, Tim was behind me on the floor next to the tub and he kept trying to get behind me to support me but I was just REALLY uncomfortable no matter what position I was in and didn't want to be moved or touched. At one point again a noise that diverted my attention annoyed the hell out of me, it was Tim's breathing in my ear. So I waved my arm to get him away from me and smacked him in the face.. ooops.. I heard later my midwife said that she had never felt so sorry for a husband in a homebirth situation because I wouldn't allow him to help at any time. Tim really thinks it's because I was transitioning already when I was awoken in major pain so we never had the time to labor together and for him to figure out what I liked and didn't like. Of course, it didn't help either that he had to be running around setting things up and once Karen got here and I focused on her there was no breaking through my mental blockage for anyone else.

Another noise that was annoying to me was the birds outside.. they were going from the time I walked in the loft to labor until I'm sure after the birth. As with Dylan's birth I kept thinking "once the sun comes up this will be over" so in my head I could have this birth done and over with by 7:02 am (the time of Dylan's birth). Once we moved into my bedroom I had my eye on two clocks and we passed 7am and I wasn't happy that she wasn't out yet. Once she was born I heard 3 different times she was born and realized it was because the two clocks are a few minutes apart. Everyone agreed she was born at 7:55am in the end.

In closing I have to say that this homebirth has completed something for me I wanted to do in my life. Part of my bucket list if you will??? Something I always said "if I ever get pregnant again this is how I want it". I didn't get my tub birth, but I got my home birth. I never imagined I'd deliver in my bed, but now I realize it was HER BIRTH and in the end I wouldn't have changed a thing about it.

My worst nightmare of one driving, one in diapers has become what makes my heart beat every minute of every day and what NOW completes my world...

"I GAVE BIRTH AT HOME. NOT BRAVE. NOT CRAZY. JUST EDUCATED" ~ AUTHOR UNKNOWN

pushing 40 weeks

2010-06-18T07:02:00.003-05:00

Well here I am just 2 days to my due date.. I'm in new territory a place I've never been which is any days past 36 weeks pregnant. Things have continued to be great, I've had no major issues. I had some sciatica pain for about 2 weeks which stopped just 3 days shy of my first chiropractor adjustment.. oh well.. I needed to go to the chriro because the baby was posterior and I needed her to spin into position. She has spun perfectly and now waits for birth ALONG WITH THE REST OF THE COUNTRY or so it seems. I did have to leave work a week ago because my BP shot up just enough to make my midwife (and me) nervous. It's lower now, but I'm working on keeping it low. Tim & Dylan are off at the Scottish games this week/weekend so I sit and bake away.

SMILE!

2010-04-08T20:54:00.002-05:00

HERE SHE IS AT 29 WEEKS!!

This weekend is my shower.. so weird because I hit the 3rd trimester like a freakin Mack Truck! geez.. I can't breathe, I waddle more, I'm hungrier, I feel tired more often and my ankles are always just a tad swollen! lol! I feel fine but I can tell I'm finally "feeling" pregnant! :) Just 10 more weeks.

BLOCKS of time

2010-03-24T20:27:00.003-05:00

This entire pregnancy has looped around blocks of time. everything has been measured in blocks. the first few weeks after I found out I was preggers I just couldn't wait for this baby to be here, so I could meet her, raise her, and send her into the world as fast as possible. I kept thinking to myself "just get me to Thanksgiving" and then later "just get me to Christmas and then once New Years comes time will go faster"... sure enough my next time I was looking for past New Years was our trip to Cozumel. Tim's grandma got sick and 2 weeks slid by rather quickly and we were sitting at the airport waiting for our flight before I knew it.. and back even faster.. a week gone. a trip to the ER the next day some grocery shopping and we were back to work and into February already. Crazy stuff at work and March approached and each ultrasound or midwife appointment would be a next "just get me to" day. Well here I sit upon another one of those days "just get me to March 27th" it was going to be an u/s day but that fell through, but the other exciting part of the day is I'm putting my son on a plane to AZ for his spring break. His spring break is an interesting one because he'll spend 2 days in AZ and the rest of the days driving his car back home to Chicago. He should be sliding in on April fools day just in time for my next "just get me to" day.. his 16TH BIRTHDAY!! He'll also be bringing home my puppino!!! My little Blue man has been another part of my blocks fo time. My pregnancy has been split up perfectly by his vacation. The first 3 months he was home, the second trimester with the snow blowing and me afraid of every piece of ice he was out in Arizona with my dad soaking up the sun, and now my last trimester he'll come back to get me back out in the sunshine walking around our neighborhood. I can't believe he'll be back in 9 days!! I kept thinking "once he comes back I'll have a great big belly"!! Also, the days getting shorter and now longer has been another block of time for me. I keep thinking once we get to the longest day of the year, my favorite day of the year June 21st I'll be past my due date. sighhhhhh it's all coming together.

On another note, I have to say has been very strange.. I don't want to say these things out loud because I'm sure once I type them out all these things will happen within the next 24 hours. I haven't been sick, I have had no leg cramps in the middle of the night, I've had very little heartburn, and I only puked on the boat in Cozumel. It's been pretty good.. even though I dream of being the preggers girl who sits with a huge bucket of ice cream on my big belly, gaining 100lbs during my pregnancy instead I'm the girl who lost 20lbs and only gained back 14lbs during my first pregnancy and this pregnancy I lost 16 lbs and only have gained back roughly 9lbs. There really hasn't been a day I haven't been super happy, haven't felt great, or really even had just a "rough" day. But like I said, mark my words.. tomorrow this will all change..

Tomorrow is my Gestational Diabetes test.. sigh. I have 4 out of 5 factors of the ladies that get GD. I'm over 30, I have PCOS, my dad is a diabetic and I was overweight when I got pregnant (still am). I'm doing the best I can with my Bradley/Brewer diet, swimming/walking as much as possible. I've been reading that Fish Oil helps stabilize blood sugar and I take my awesome Carlson Labs fish oil every day. Stay tuned...

St Paddy's day!! 26 weeks 3 days

2010-03-18T20:37:00.003-05:00

The TAMPONS that taunt me!

2010-03-15T19:40:00.003-05:00

YES you read that right.. I have tampons that make fun of me... and they are everywhere. Somehow the tampon I had grabbed the last morning before I found out I was preggers still sits on the back of the toilet in the ladies washroom at my work. I'm sure I could move it anytime I wanted, but I don't.. I'm lazy like that.. I open my top desk drawer (a drawer I rarely use) and 2 sit right on top. I switch purses and each time I find a stash inside. I started going to the pool this week and dug out my old gym bag to use for my swim suit and towel.. yup found some in the pockets. I go to clean out my cabinet under the sink and the monster box I bought that I still keep and restock just stares at me. Open any of the glove boxes or cubbies in my car, my husbands car, and probably the Porsche.. you'll find at least one.. yes, they laugh at me.. but my glorious retort is something to the tune of "I haven't needed you for x months and won't need you for another x months.. have fun hanging out waiting for me!"

SOMETIMES when life hands you lemons, it's because they were the missing ingredient!!

2010-03-11T23:50:00.008-06:00

it's about wanting what you have and not wanting what you don't/can't have. I know my cousin has said it a million times, but after their daughter Iryna was born they wanted more kids because they couldn't imagine their lives without her and the joy she brings to their family. I've always felt that everyone was here for a reason, so I never doubted that when I found out about my unplanned pregnancy. The longer I've been preggers the more I've grown to love my little seed, the things I can already feel about her, the times she's already made me feel better, and the simple fact that she has changed my world already. So even though at first I was thinking about the lemons I can see that my gut reaction that she would either "make us or break us" has been proving to be positive.

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile.. a few pics of us...

22 weeks

I was 24 weeks in this pic, hanging out at Gaia's womb... a pic of Olivia's blessing..

the best part I got to share the blessing with Darcie who is also pregnant.. just a few weeks behind me! totally amazing.

25 week ultrasound.. sleeping...

COZUMEL ~ BABYMOON

2010-02-07T12:20:00.003-06:00

Sorry to post and run.. BUT Tim hurt himself on our trip so I have to take him to the ER.. if you are curious about our trip read on...

Happy babymoon to you..
Happy babymoon to you…. Hmmmm but of course.. nothing can ever start as smoothly as we would like. Tuesday night Tim’s grandma Ruth passed away after a 8 day battle, the wake scheduled for Friday night and the funeral for Saturday (today the day we are leaving to go to Cozumel for our babymoon). Due to timing of course we couldn’t go to both. Sooooooooooooooo our limo arrives, we get to the airport a half hour earlier than scheduled.. we get in a HUGE long line and wait.. and wait… and wait… we get our seats and head to the food court thinking it will be a fast meal and then waiting at security.. we get through security and find our gate and sit and sit.. boarding time comes and goes.. comes and goes.. I go to the bathroom and come back and Tim announces.. “GUESS WHAT” ….. GROAN… “just GUESS” so I guess.. we are delayed for a cracked windshield.. if this is an omen of what’s to come I’m not sure if I’m happy or not. Last trip to AZ with the dog and kids we were delayed at the gate for 4 hours for the same thing with 3 kids and a dog.. sigh.. not fun. That trip was not fun and it started that bad. So again.. here we sit.. waiting.. waiting… waiting… sigh.

FIRST FULL DAY IN COZUMEL
Well first I’ll start with the rest of last night. Our plane finally left around 8pm only 3 hours late, the pilot said that he could make up a half hour so our flight would be 3 hours 20 minutes.. they offered a free movie, of course one I’d already seen… THE PROPOSAL.. oh well. I guess normally there is NO MOVIE so we were supposed to be happy.. after the broken windshield the mechanics couldn’t get the film off the new windshield because of the cold. Then during the safety check there was a malfunction with the landing gear.. great JUST GREAT.. then we had to wait for awhile to get a spot to take off.. after taxing out we finally took off very smoothly… about half way through the movie they stopped it to ask if anyone was onboard that was a doctor or nurse.. UMM REALLY.. someone was having a heart attack on our plane!! As soon as this happened the pilot dropped the plane as if descending, they got everything under control and we finally made it to Cozumel around 11:30pm. We got off the plane and scurried inside to get through the endless line at customs all along the way “Carlos” our guide yelling at us that we were all “doing it wrong”. Yeah the flight attendants had given us wrong information that if we made a mistake we could cross it out.. oh well.. So finally we get through, get our bags and go through the safety check. Tim and I pressed the red button and neither of us were chosen for the random check. Whoooo let’s go.. outside we were greeted by our Apple reps and found our buses and loaded. 10 minutes later we took off and 20 minutes later we made it to the hotel. We get our room only to find they gave us 2 double size beds instead of a king.. but again this is an apple issue with booking on line.. they never give you that option and in the past we’ve always been able to pick once we got to the resort.. I was SERIOUSLY hungry and asked if there was any food being served at a bar and the desk clerk said no.. we went to our room and opened some snacks intended for the flight home and drank some bottled water and went to bed.
Sighhhh.. our beds.. I think sleeping on concrete would actually be more comfortable.. seriously this is how bad the beds are here.. I wake up every hour or so because my entire side of my body is asleep.. UMM HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? I’ve been a side sleeper my entire life and here I am having to wake up to flip over because everything on one side is asleep.. sigh.. is it the pregnant body or the beds? I think the beds.
So after our first pretty unrestful night Tim and I woke up, took quick showers (there is no hot water in our room) and go to breakfast.. of course I can’t find anything I like so I’m just going up to the buffet and grabbing anything because I’m hungry. We ate then went to our Apple welcoming meeting. Of course, many other people had some major complaints about this resort.. it’s not what we are used to for sure but you get what you pay for and in the past we’ve been pretty lucky.. not that it’s a bad resort but they gave many people double rooms instead of kings and other people have complained about everything from “disgustingly dirty rooms” to “recycled food” which is true.. they bring things from the lunch over to the dinner so you are constantly eating the same basic foods.
After lunch we came back to the room because I was just exhausted.. who knows why.. but I was. I fell asleep about 2 minutes after I realized Tim was asleep but I woke up maybe an hour later and watched some TV. Luckily there are 2 English channels. Tim slept until 5pm and there was no way I was waking him up.. he was actually snoring at some points which means he was OUT. He must have needed it.
We woke up and went to dinner and then I grabbed a book and hung out in the lobby to start reading and Tim headed to the bar with some people we had met to drink. We met a ton of people from the Chicago/Illinois area but then also Wisconsin and Canada. It’s been fun so far, no swimming or normal Mexico activity.. I do have to say that every person I ask for milk has questioned me on it like “whyyyy milk” one waiter actually told me “sorry my cow has the day off” lol!
Tim and I found a ton of little creatures all over the resort. Lots of iguanas, and gecko looking creatures along with birds and butterflies. Tim likes the hummingbirds because even though they are so small they seem to stand still because they move sooo fast you can hardly see them move. I’m already well into my Nicholas Sparks book A Bend in the Road. It’s amazing so far.
It’s 11:30pm and of course I’m exhausted so I’m logging off.. hopefully I’ll be able to post these blogs soon. There is no office here, or free internet even for a few minutes each day. We have to buy an internet card so I think I’ll wait until I’m desperate! Lol! 

FULL 2ND DAY
Here we are.. not much to report about today.. I was feeling much better. I think yesterday I was dehydrated because today I felt very pregnant looking even though I didn’t look any bigger than I looked the day before. Strange. The baby is full Olympics mode.. today was use of the umbilical cord as uneven bars as I sat by the pool reading. I just finished The Bend in the Road and have started the THE LOVELY BONES. So far so good. I’m so glad to just be reading but I know it’s bugging Tim because all he wants me to do is sit with him and everyone else at the bar.

Tim got pretty blized this afternoon.. he sat at the swim up bar all afternoon with some of the people we met and came back just in time to go meet our Apple rep to make a reservation to go on an excursion on Wednesday. I’ll have to post more about that later.
Going to get back to my book and maybe a movie.. not super tired today but I don’t want to over do it either. It was still a busy day even though we just hung out at the pool! 
WEDNESDAY
This is the first and only excursion we decided to take off the resort… and now I remember why.. my vacation castapo husband always wants to plan each minute of each vacation with an itinerary and wants to get each of these things done. Tuesday we laid low and just hung out. I actually managed to sneak a nap in the afternoon, not long.. but enough. We had dinner at the Chinese restaurant here in the hotel. You can only book two nights at the specialty restaurants here so we figured we would try it.. it was the best meal we’ve had since we have been here. After that we went back to our room and watched a movie and went to bed early. We had to be up early for our wonderful adventure today.. yeah soooo around 2am I woke Tim up to make sure that it wasn’t past 6am and that our wake up call hadn’t been missed. From then on neither one of us got much sleep… sigh.. oh well.. 5:15am the phone rings and our adventure begins.
I wanted to stop in for a quick breakfast at 6am which the front desk clearly states continental breakfast starts at 6am.. we got there at 6am sharp and got yelled at AFTER we got our food for being early.. hmm whatever.. we ate and hurried to get our taxi.. off we went towards the ferry that would take us over to Playa Del Carmen. We got there in 15 minutes.. our apple rep had told us it would take longer so there we sat waiting for the 7am ferry. We got on board and Tim wanted to go upstairs so we could sit outside but I was freezing and wanted to sit inside… sigh.. that’s where the fun ENDED for me. About 9 minutes into the 30 minute cruise over to the main land I got sick.. and sick again, and sick again… so here I am yaking in a garbage can and feeling miserable.. we docked then off to our taxi.. got the taxi that took us to our bus that took us to like 3 other resorts and met up with several other vans to pick up more people. It was totally crazy.. we stopped at some roadside store to use the bathrooms and shop. I managed to get some cookies and a banana to stay down.
Off to Chichen Itza.. yeah one of the 7 wonders of the world and I was MISERABLE! I was super weak, had a major headache, felt seasick even after the 3 hour bus ride and was out in the sun listening to this tour guide talk and talk about nothing in particular that interested me. I decided to high tail it back to the trees where they had some benches and wait for Tim while he finished his tour. I met up with some other ladies who didn’t want to be there either and we chatted while we wait for the 3 hour tour to be done (yes it was a 3 hour tour and they came back).
The next part was actually fun.. a 5 minute ride to this amazing Mexican restaurant. Their fried beans were BLUE and amazing!!! Between that and the Squirt soda I drank half of, my stomach and full body felt MUCH BETTER. Finally off to IK KIL to swim.. of course it was so packed only Tim wound up swimming there.. hopefully I can load some pics of this part.. it was amazing and I was actually starting to enjoy myself.. we got a few ok pics of us throughout the day.
Finally back on the bus SIGH. So we got done eating at 3:30pm so the Apple rep told us we would be back on the resort by 7:30-8pm.. so I’m thinking.. ok I should have at least 2-3 hours to digest.. umm yeah.. we left the water hole at 4:24 and didn’t get on the ferry until 8pm.. sooooo at least I had 4 ½ hours to digest before the boat ride back to Cozumel. We carefully picked our seat on the boat on the lower deck in the middle near the back over the engine. I had Tim talk the whole way home which he struggled with but managed. We got back to the dock and I had not thrown up once WHOOO HOOOO!! I was very excited.. found a taxi and got back to the resort with just 20 minutes to grab some dinner before they closed. I immediately felt sick when we sat at the table like we were still moving so the only things that stayed down was ice cream and bean salad.. oh well.. such is life.
I’m exhausted to I’m going to watch the rest of the movie I missed last night and settle in for the night.. it is 10:15!!! Yikes.. long day.

LAST DAYS
Well.. the time has come.. it’s Friday night and we leave tomorrow evening.. strange thing is they’ll let us stay until 7pm on the resort and keep our wrist bands to eat/drink all day.. but we have to check out of our rooms at noon. I guess we’ll get a hospitality room later in the day to shower and change clothes before our trip but I have no clue how it will work with our beach towel cards and our baggage will be in a locked room.. hmm we’ll see.
Last night and tonight we went to the show here… sigh.. nothing great I have to say at least it’s something but I’ve seen better grade school talent shows in my lifetime. Each night has the same dancers as the night before just different music and costumes. Not one dance has yet to NOT HAVE a wardrobe malfunction. Tonight was really great because one of the dancers made Tim come up on stage and dance with her.. ha ha!! He doesn’t dance but he played nice and went up there.. luckily they brought other people up there too and he was in the wayyyy back so all the pics I have are of other people and you can see Tim in the background.. of course I had no idea how to use the video feature on our camera which would have been useful.
What else.. hmmm? Not much else.. hung out at the beach today and then the pool.. then realized I had little critters literally crawling out of my swimsuit and a ton of sand in my suit so I finally left the pool to go shower. The amount of sand that can get caught in your suit never ceases to amaze me. Lol!
Ok so our adventure ends tomorrow.. I’m a bit sad because there are things we of course just never did and figured we’d have enough time.. oh well. Such is life. Never even made it to the front desk to get some internet time.. oh well.. it was expensive like $15 for 45 minutes or something.. ouch. We’ll see what we can squeeze in before our adventure home. I just can’t wait to get home to our bed!! 

HOMEWARD BOUND
Okay so here we are on the way back.. our trip back so far (crossing fingers) has been much less dramatic than the voyage to Cozumel.. so far our only snafu would have to be that security at the airport refused to talk to the ticket agents standing not more than 100 feet from where we stood in line because our tickets that were just given to us at the counter were not specific that we were flying from Cozumel to Chicago.. it just had a place for a destination no orgin.. ummm you don’t have this same flight same airline every week and see this every week?? Finally they let us through. Had time to shop at the airport but didn’t buy anything other than an apple.
Today at the resort we had our last breakfast and lunch, hung at the pool one last time and packed.. checked out at noon but didn’t have to leave until 7pm to catch our flight… so we checked out, then gave our bags to the bell boys who locked them up for us and just hung out.. then at 4pm we made an appointment to use a hospitality room and took a quick shower and then headed out for dinner.. We went to this great place just a few minutes drive from out resort. Yummy.
Not much else to report other than I’m super tired and can’t wait to get home!!

IT'S A GIRL!!

2010-01-18T10:12:00.004-06:00

WHOOOO HOOO!! So at 10am we are pulling into the parking lot in front of the u/s place with my mom and sister and the place is calling me asking where we are. I explain we are parking in the "pay parking lot" and she says okay go to your left. umm ok towards the sprint store? no? I don't know where you are at.. freakin great.. turns out she wanted me to go to my OTHER left.. sigh.. I walked around one of the buildings and could see the address of the building we needed to go to. Sigh.. we get rushed in there, sign 2 papers and walk in to this HUGE room with leather couches and chairs. A table for kids to play at and 2 big flat screens for everyone to watch. So I get up on the bed, the lady puts a rather healthy helping of jelly on me and flips on the screen. Right off the bat she says "oh look it's head down" she flips the little doppler up on the top side of my belly and we are looking right at some spread eagle legs with 3 lines.. "THAT'S A GIRL!!" I say.... quiet. hmmm she keeps scanning trying to go around the 3 lines to see if a penis will pop out and nothing all the while I'm saying "that's a girl, it's a girl" and Tim finally shushhhed me. I think he was getting irritated at me, but nobody else was talking and of course I can't have a room of 7 people with nobody talking. Nobody else could see what I was looking at on the screen but I saw it. Finally the girl said "yup, 3 dots, 3 lines, that's all I'm seeing.. It's a girl"

I couldn't be more excited. Tim was very excited because we got to see her yawn and we got to see her long legs.. omgsh that girls legs spread from one side of my uterus to the other and Tim said a few times during the day "she's got really long legs" Also she has really long narrow feet like me.

Here is the first 3D pic of her.. it came out pretty blurry and she looks like a globby fish.. not much like a human. I swear on the 2D u/s you could see her already developed features.

the 2D picture isn't worth posting.. you can barely make out the 3 dots.. I was shocked she didn't print out the pics of the spread legs you could see perfectly.. oh well.

sooooo Tim's grandma is not doing very well.. in fact, with the way things run I'm sure she'll pass soon.. We found out Dylan was a boy at 20 week and at 21 weeks Dan's grandfather died.. we found out Saturday that Olivia was a girl, Tim's mom is in town.. things are just too perfect and she is ready to pass. I'm just hoping she goes with no pain and doesn't have to struggle. She is back in the hospital as of 2 hours ago and Dave/Jana are packing the car to get here as we speak. Grandma has been telling me since I announced that this baby was coming that she wouldn't live to see the baby. The fact that Olivia is due on her birthday has just been another reason for Grandma to keep reassuring me that she won't be here. It's sad but it's life. Somehow I feel that the guff is being recycled with souls when I'm pregnant.. because my child needs a soul someone must die in their place. Here I am, pregnant again waiting for a family members soul to be free to be used by my developing fetus. sigh.

The OMEN at 14 hours

2010-01-15T21:13:00.004-06:00

Tim and I were waiting for Tim's parents to land in Chicago to see if they wanted to meet for dinner.. by the time they got the car and got their phones turned on it was after 6pm but they called and said they already had plans. Tim and I decided a half hour later to go to a place by my work called Dominicks, it's a restaurant not a grocery store. They have really great take out food and I know they have a small sit down area. It was packed but we quickly got a table. So we sit down and that's when it happened.. I GOT 2 UNBENT FORKS!! I can not tell you how long it's been since I've been at a restaurant that I've gotten 2 perfectly not even slightly bent forks. I've even blogged about it.. is this an omen? Is this saying life is finally going to be fair for me, I'll get my wish and get a girl?

The other thing that happened yesterday was I saw a tiny deer.. not a fawn but maybe an adolescent deer. Didn't stop in front of me, but I saw her, she saw me.

My mom finally had a dream that might be a sign it's a girl (not a boy as her first dream told her).

sooo now.. 13 hours and counting.

96 hours and counting....

2010-01-12T10:19:00.004-06:00

It's officially 96 hours until I find out the sex of my baby growing inside of me. I can not wait... but then maybe I can.. I'm nervous about the possibility of this being a boy and our little name battle will officially begin. I shouldn't say that, in fact, it's already ON but the real battle will come on full force. So right now here is where we are stuck. The name Olivia Nicole came to me a few days after I found out I was pregges. Tim has said nothing other than he "likes" that name. He hasn't said he doesn't. He hasn't said we can't use it. His name is his grandfathers name Julian but he wasts to call the baby Jack. I know a few Julians all go by JJ or other nicknames and I really don't love that name. Further, I know several babies named Jack and it fits them but I don't want that name for my son.

Funny story.. yesterday we were on the phone fighting again over what sex the baby is. I said to Tim "it's 4pm and the baby JUST woke up, it's your kid for sure" he laughed and said "he was drunk, he was up all night drinking JACK DANIELS" ughhh so I said "you'll take what I give you" and he said "no you'll take what I've already given you" HMPHHHH CRAP! lol!

So I started thinking this morning about all the things that will happen in our lives before this baby is born. Where Dylan is concerned that's A LOT! In less than 3 months he'll have his drivers license. So at the end of March he's flying to AZ to drive his car back from the Mesa house to Chicago. He'll be with my mom and dad driving 2 separate cars, the mustang and the sebring.. sigh.. Dylan will finish sophomore year and be an offical Junior by June 20th. I'm sure he'll be trying to get a job as soon as he possibly can. I'll have one testing his independence and one testing her/his independence from my womb. It's going to be a strange but very exciting and happy time in our family.

and sooooo we wait.. 96 hours..

THE MIDDLE WIFE

2009-12-28T18:57:00.001-06:00

I've seen this story before but Tim's aunt just sent it to me and I was LMAO!!
The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant.. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,Oh,Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.. She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

How did ur SO find out u were preggers?

2009-12-27T08:47:00.002-06:00

this was a topic on CAFEMOM. I'm going to copy my story here.

My first time around my BF was standing outside the bathroom waiting for me to come out then we had to stand for the full 3 minutes to get the results.. that was 16 years ago and planned...

THIS TIME.. ohh boy. I have PCOS so my periods are somewhat sporadic.. it's not uncommon for me to be 10 days late or more. This scares my husband more than anything in the world so now I've just settled for having a few extra pregnancy tests under the sink just to check and make sure. In October things were different.. my back was sore one day, my boobs were always tender.. and I kept teasing my hubbie that he "got me preggers".. he normally laughed and walked away.. when my period was 5 days late and making everyone else in my offices period late, we were all bouncing around ideas why they were late. We came up with the weather change.. umm ok.. so onthe way home that night I decided to stop at Walgreens and pick up a few tests because I was out. I figured I better check just to be sure. I got home and my husband is making dinner, only becasue he had a meeting to attend an hour later. So he's out back grilling and I figured I'd take a test really fast, get that done and move on with my life. This pregnancy was not planned, so I had every intention of it being negative like every other time in the last 13 years of my relationship to my hubbie. I peed on the stick, I'm pulling up my pants and trying to put the stick down on the counter and the plus sign is already showing up.. SHEEEEER PANIC! holy cow holy cow holy cow.

I wash my hands and watch the plus sign just get darker.. I'm shaking... I open the bathroom door and realize that there is about 20 steps between me and the sliding door to get outside to my husband and I actually didn't think I could make it that far. I get to the door and my husband is out in the yard.. so I open the door and step out and call him to me.. he starts walking towards me and I realize that our neighbors doors are all open (we live in townhomes). He gets to me and I said "we have to go inside" and he's mad "I have to cook dinner, I have a meeting to get to" NO JUST COME INSIDE WITH ME. geez. so he comes in and I thrust the test forward on the kitchen counter at him. He says "ohhhhh" THAT'S IT!

Our entire conversation was like this me "what are we going to do?" DH: "what do you want to do" ME: "I won't have an abortion" DH: "I wouldn't let you have one" DH then leaves the room to go get the chicken off the grill and I start crying my eyeballs out and call my mom. I was sooo scared and very angry. I've never not planned anything in my life. My mom got me calmed down, but it took her a full 2 hours. DH came home and skyped his parents in AZ (we live in Chicago) and told them.

I walked into work the next day and waited ohhhh exactly like 24 minutes before I was bursting at the seams to get it off my chest.. so I walked in my bosses office and asked her if she got her period and she said "yeah.. umm a couple days ago, why" ME: "ohh I was just going to tell you not to wait for me" and I burst into tears! lol! I'm such a dork! I know. lol!

BABYMOON!!

2009-12-24T11:45:00.002-06:00

Tim and I have decided to take a vacation before the baby comes. We are looking at our usual applevactions.com for deals. Right now it looks like we'll be going to Cozumel which everyone has agreed is a great vacation place.

Still not feeling preggers and I just can't wait for Jan 16th for the 3D ultrasound. I just want to know what this baby is!!

Blue is leaving for AZ on the 1st of this year, we're bringing over to my parents house today (Christmas Eve). Poor little man. It's been icing out and he can't even walk to go potty, his legs slip out from under him and I'm afraid he's going to hurt himself.

I really haven't gained any weight back.. maybe a lb. that's about it for now.

The Bradley diet

2009-12-18T07:13:00.003-06:00

so I'm on a modified diet called the Bradley diet. It was designed by a dr back in the 60's who put 7,000 women on this diet while they were pregnant and the results were amazing.. there was a super low rate of toxemia and other pregnancy complications. Of course, I'm trying to avoid toxemia and gestational diabetes so this is right up my alley. The diet basically says you have to eat 2 eggs a day and a quart of milk a day. I eat those 2 eggs, ready to throw up from the second I grab the fork to eat them. Ew. The milk.. well that's another story. I get at least 8 oz every morning on my way to work. I mix it with unsweetened cocoa in my little magic bullet blender and sip that on the way to work. It's a yummy sugar free drink. I eat yogurt and cheese throughout the day to get the rest of the dairy. I just can't stomach a glass of milk for some reason. Ohhh and chicken.. omgsh.. forget chicken! there was 2 weeks I was able to eat Jewel rotisserie chicken and I've been able to get chicken nuggets down but that's it. We can't make chicken at home.

As far as the whole craving thing.. I don't get them.. not even for sugar. It's amazing. I do ask for extra pickle on things.. but I've always done that. No change there. I just like pickle.

Other than that I'm pushing along. 14 weeks this Sunday. I found out that not only is Kim/Frank from SSL preggers but Susie/Erik is 4 weeks ahead of me and Kristie/Sean are 4 weeks behind me.. pretty cool to be the sandwich in between.

Also I had Heather/MIke due 10 days before me, Carrie/Gary 5 days before me, Angel/Dave 5 days after me, and Katie/Eric 4 weeks after me. Heather and Carrie miscarried which really stinks. I'm pretty upset about both of those considering I'll now feel like an ass any time I'm around them with my new baby. I can imagine they will be thinking of themselves should be holding their brand new babies as well.. sigh. total suckage.

I made my 3D ultrasound appt for Jan 16th to find out the sex. Tim's parents will be in town that weekend and we've asked them to come with us. It sounds pretty fun! lol!

Tim and I are planning a BABYMOON (as my sister told me it's called) our last trip before the baby is born. We'll be homebound for a few years so we figure this is the easiest way to get out while we can. We are looking at applevacations (as usual) specifically Mexico!! :)

Not much else going on.. I still don't feel preggers. Sometimes I feel the baby move a bit especially at night when I lay down to go to bed. Of course, Dylan's fav time to get up and party. lol! I'm still wearing my regular clothes. I got some belly bands yesterday. They are just strips of fabric that go around your midsection to hold up jeans if they are unbuttoned or to cover your belly when your shirt doesn't cover it.. and then later when breastfeeding it acts as a double so you can be more discreet while feeding the baby. Pretty neat stuff! :)

will I ever feel pregnant?

2009-12-09T07:25:00.003-06:00

Ok so here I am pregnant. I found out around 6 weeks which has led me to feel like I've already been preggers forever. I'm down 15.8lbs because of cutting out junk/sugar/whites, exercising, and the baby metabolism. My jeans are still fitting, in fact there are days they are just too big. So far in this pregnancy I've had a few things that are different, from what I can remember. I am not throwing up, just sick to my stomach especially around certain foods. Eggs are my worst enemy I have to eat 2 a day and stomaching them some days is a CHORE in itself. It seems most days I make the best effort and still come up short on those. I haven't been tired getting out the shower. I know it's still very early, but I can remember showers just making me EXHAUSTED when I was pregnant with Dylan. I only get heartburn when I eat crap, white bread or sugar. With Dylan it was heartburn all the time but I was eating white bread and sugar.

Okay, I have to get to work so I better log off but....
I just have one question, how can water make someone feel sick? lol!!

Wow.. I've missed almost a year!!

2009-12-06T20:16:00.003-06:00

Well, I've been blogging at my other blog but I gotta say that the biggest reason I've not blogged is plain and simple. I've been busy. Since going back to work a year ago I've been having issues finding time to fit things back into my life. I don't know why, but I just can't figure out how to work, grocery shop, make dinners, pay bills, etc.. I had to drop couponing for good, it's just too time consuming for me. But the biggest news has to got be that I'M PREGNANT!! 12 weeks exactly today, I'm due June 20th. A total shock, a total oops.. but I'm an oops baby and things seem to turn out pretty awesome with oops babies. At some point in time every mother figures out why they recieved the "oops" baby.. I really don't care, I want this baby and I know that Tim wanted kids. I knew someday he would be upset that he didn't have any babies of his own.. the thing is I said for YEARS I didn't want one driving and one in diapers.. and here we are.. one driving and one in diapers. sigh. Such is life. It's like someone was listening to that, be careful what you think or say out loud.

Anyway.. I've planned a homebirth but in order to keep my midwife and have a homebirth I have to make sure that this pregnancy stays a healthy pregnancy. No preeclampsia no gestational diabetes. So with this I am on a modified version of the Bradley diet. Basically sort of like Atkins. Protein 80-100mg per day, 2 eggs per day, 1 quart of milk per day, veggies, fruit, 1 grain per day.. anyway.. I had to cut out sugar, white bread, starchy veggies.. so I've lost 15.8lbs as of right now. With Dylan I lost 20lbs but I don't know how fast it happened. I was also very sick with Dylan throwing up all the time. I haven't yet thrown up with this baby but I'm being told my nausea and weight loss is part of the same morning sickness even if I'm not throwing up. Being pregnant raises your metabolism, cutting out sugar, and I'm working our more consistently so I guess the 15.8lbs makes sense HOWEVER I just found out that ketones are like poison for babies developing brains.. sigh. I can't win.

I'm also planning a water homebirth!! very very exciting to me anyway. happy sigh. so excited.

I have to go get some stuff done around the house so I'll leave you with our first glimpse of our new addition.. is it Olivia Nicole or Jack (Julian)??

We are waiting until mid January when Tim's parents come in for a visit to go get another ultrasound. We'll find out the sex then! :)

somewhere between the dream world, heaven, and our meeting place...

2009-01-25T00:05:00.003-06:00

I have been dreaming of this same place.. over and over and over. Each time I dream about this place I add something to the detail of this place and remember it the next dream. It seems I've been dreaming about this place right before I wake up most mornings so maybe it's when I'm in the lightest part of REM or maybe half awake.. not exactly sure but let me explain this place.

First I'm in a huge flat piece of land. The sun is warm, the breeze is warm, the sky is perfect blue, there are trees sporatically placed. I think I'm walking through a field but there isn't grass at my feet only around the boarders of this area. Possibly an old farming field??? I'm always walking towards this steep grassy hill that resembles a grassy hill that used to take me to a retention pond at the end of my street growing up. Once you get to the top of the hill you could walk around the oval "bowl" or go down to the creeks edge. In the winters this was the most perfect place to sled because there were areas that were SUPER STEEP and others that were very gradual and the pond always froze over fast and you could sled out on top of the ice.

The first time I had a dream about this place I realized I was there with my grandma, but she wasn't there but I felt her all around me. The first dream there was no pond/water at the bottom of the bowl which I didn't realize until the next few dreams. The next dream I brought these wire/metal butterfly shapes for a project. I stuck them in the round in specific places. The next time I came back someone had planted little flowers in straight lines around the metal butterfly shapes I had stuck in the ground. One of the flowers there was Lilly of the Valley. Butterflys, Lilly of the Valley and about 4 songs represent my grandmother to me. Okay so I had this same dream today, this morning actually, and now someone has built little ponds in 4 separate rectangles around the plants and the metal butterfly shapes I had brought. It's like japanese garden style, very perfect, and I can hear water running as if there is a pump moving the water from one pond to the next.

Each time I walk through the field, then up the hill, then down into the bowl and around, back up the hill and I end the dream in the field. This morning I actually woke up mid dream and went back into it. It makes me wonder if that is when my grandma is with me watching me dream? are we meeting there? is it "her heaven"? is this my heaven? will I ever see her there or always just feel she is there?

This is just very surreal to me that I keep having this continuing dream. I've had dreams like this before where I dream the same thing over and over and it's like deja vu but now I'm adding things to the dream. So strange.

wake me October ends..

2008-09-29T09:55:00.002-05:00

FORGET SEPTEMBER! lol! its' been a hectic few weeks for us.. Tim lost his job on the 5th so yes we are both unemployed right now.. not fun for sure. He's been trying to get a new job as fast as possible. He's been doing pretty well for himself having several interviews each week. At least he's getting out there.

Other than that we've been keeping busy doing various things around the house, visiting with neighbors/friends/family, taking care of odds and ends.. it just amazes me that so much time has gone by and I haven't gotten any of the things I had planned on getting done out of the way. It's amazing to me how fast the days go when I don't have a schedule. There is always something to be taken care of, something that needs to be done by today/tomorrow.

My 32nd birthday is this week! lol! going to Texas De Brazil with my family for dinner on Wednesday. yummooo!

Other than that I don't have much to talk about, sorry!

Dylan started HIGH SCHOOL

2008-08-23T00:26:00.002-05:00

yup.. it's true.. he's finished exactly 1 full week of high school. it's totally amazing to me, it makes me feel old, and all at the same time.. it makes sense to me. it stinks he started school so early because we had to plan everything around his early starting school year.. oh well.. such is life. In 4 years I'll be talking about him starting his life, going to college or whatever he may choose to do.. for now he's a freshman in high school and has all his high school days in front of him! god speed mr Dylan. (his voice is changing too!)

Dan is leaving for Afghanistan as well.. Mike has been gone for a month or so.. Had a small party to see Dan off last night.. it was good to see him.

Still not back at work.. should be the end of this month or sometime next month.

Amy is on the mend.. she's walking and using her arms but the right side of her face is just not coming back. Tim was asked to be the god father! :)

Not much else to talk about!

what my friends are teaching me about life and death

2008-07-30T10:05:00.001-05:00

I have several cases, instances where disease has hit home to people who are like family to me.. days turn to months in hospitals, rehabs, dr offices... mis diagnoisis, immediate diagnoisis.. which is more devastating? finding out now or later.. getting a death sentence or being told you will live with disability for the rest of your life.. being told any day is your day.. telling your kids, your spouse, your parents, your aunts uncles and cousins.. your close friends.. neighbors, co workers.. how will they react.. how will you react???

diseases and syndroms that nobody has ever heard about but then once you do just a little internet digging you find.. it's not that rare at all.. in fact... a baby born every 30 minutes will have one of the hundreds of forms of Lysosmal Disease.. a death sentence. it could be months or years for each child.. it's genetic, both parents must have the gene.. meaning how could we have been so unlucky to meet, fall in love, make babies and pass this horrible illness this fate to our child?? why..

forms of Musclar Dystrophy are the same.. one in particular Friedreich's Ataxia lets a child live a normal life.. they can remember running, jumping, playing.. then one day their balance isn't so good.. they fall, they are weak.. and depending on the person they are eventually wheelchair bound...

Gillian Barre Syndrom 1 in 1,000... you can get it from a immunization, an operation, having a weak immune system, and now I'm seeing some people who swear there could be some genetics involved.. both a mother and a daughter could both wind up with GBS.. another syndrom that strikes without warning.. misdiagnosis, lots of tests and within that time the patient just gets weaker.. to the point that their heart or lungs could stop working all together. Paralyzed they can not blink, chew their food, smile, move their arms or legs. Most will have lasting effects for the rest of their lives and worse it can come back once you've had it..

Ehlers-Danlos.. okay I've only heard of one person with this syndrom that I know.. but he has been hospitalized now for months, was actually in a medically induced coma because his body needed time to heal. Woke up one night not feeling well, went to the ER they sent him home, by morning the ambulance had to be called because his gut was filled with blood. This syndrom is genetic, there are believed to be 6 different types, basically it weakens collegan that also normally plays a role in binding together the cells of our tissues including the skin, tendons, muscle, and blood vessels. So basically you could be bleeding out inside your body and have no idea..

of course.. more common disease cancer.. all types.. all over the place.. so many people I know have been touched by every cancer you can name.. both my parents have had cancer at one time in their lives.. both in their 30's.. I'm 31.. tick tock tick tock... so many out there yet to be diagnosed.. so many diseases and syndroms that most people don't ever hear about or learn about until someone they love is effected.. until that persons life is taken from them..

30 and healthy as a horse, a new born daughter and 2 year old son.. a house with a picket fence, the dog and the great husband too.. it was the day that should have started their lives with everything they wanted.. and yes she lives, and yes she will improve physically.. but she won't move forward in life without each step being a privlege to her, each breath knowing that she was tested, she'll win.. she's got the motiviation.. and I'll ask her the next time I see "what am I taking for granted?? Tell me now so I can take them in" from going to the bathroom myself to walking my dog.. it's all being taken advantage of every day.. is this a sign? the center of the storm? I've had the worst happen to my closest family and friends and I still live the way I do.. should I be more thankful? should I be doing something else with my life. I'm not saying I live horribly or don't live life.. but it makes you stop and think.. and sometimes I have to think "what is next" because it seems just when I thought I've seen, heard, and lived it all.. I'm thrown another curve ball.. and I wonder am I being tested too??

FREE TABLE TAKE IT

2008-06-01T08:44:00.001-05:00

FREE TABLE TAKE IT, is what the table read sitting on the cub on a street that I rarely walk my dog down.. for some reason last night he wanted to walk around the block instead of on the path.. whatever little man it's your walk.. let's go. My husband was gone for the night at a impromtu bachelor bbq party, I had just gotten back from biking up to Crystal Lake to get some ice cream. The sun was setting, the air was cooling.. it was a great time for a walk.. not to mention the hottie construction type guy fishing on my lake within sight of my back door.. so we walked around and I come upon this table. It actually made me laugh out loud because I had been yelling at Tim all day to "go borrow a table" for my sons graduation dinner party tonight.

I laughed because it's strange, I've heard time and time again that sometimes things you need just come to you exactly when you need them.. even dumb things you could have easily borrowed from another neighbor. For me the past few months I've experienced this for myself over and over.

For example, Tim and I needed just additional "spending money" for necessities.. gas/food in order to pay off our debt in full.. I kept crunching the numbers and no matter how I played it I figured we would have to wait at least another 10 days for another paycheck to come in so we could afford to live. We went out to dinner with Tim's parents and there they were... Handed across the table as if to say "this is what you've been waiting for" although Tim's parents had no clue what they were worth to us until the following morning when I called his mom SHRIEKING because we paid off our debt. When his dad handed them to us he actually said "maybe this will bump you up 6 hours" with a chuckle.

The savings bonds face worth $25 and $50 respectively wound up being worth over $400! Now that is some spending cash! Tim did not even want to turn them in, but he did in the name of getting rid of the debt we had accumulated together.

So there it is.. proof to myself once again that sometimes you just have to stop and wait, it will come to you.. no matter what the situation there is a way out.

someplace between reality and dream world...

2008-05-01T08:38:00.002-05:00

in my mind while I dream I think I confuse reality and the dream world as I'm sure many people do.. for me I've found that from one dream to the next even over years as long as it's the same topic or dealing with the same person in my life that I can remember not only details from the real world but from my dreams... last night was no different for me as I was dreaming that I was with my friend Nicole who died almost 8 years ago.. something inside my mind was totally confused last night because for some reason I remembered her dying but then being alive again in reality. It's so strange because I could actually remember the details of the miracle of her being alive again and then losing her all over. Somehow she just slipped away.. and those details I don't remember, I don't know, somewhere, somehow, she was just gone again.. so I face the fact that she never was alive here on earth again.. but I am realizing that I do believe she is alive somewhere. It makes me wonder if she has been reincarnated and if we'll ever meet again. It makes me wonder if she's an angel waiting for me in heaven and when I'll see her again. It makes me wonder if she's a spirit stuck waiting between the living world and the world beyond and if she'll ever be able to free herself from between those two worlds and move forward. Will I get to the afterlife before her? But then on other nights I dream of my grandma and the funny part is that for some reason the night I spent with her was doing normal things with her. Helping her cut something because her hands didn't work for probably the last 10-15 years here on earth. Just normal.. us in the kitchen doing our normal stuff.. WGN on the radio in the background the loud buzz of the new hour a constant in our house because the radio always kept her company. She liked to listen to news, to people calling in and making her laugh over stupid Chicago stuff... Cubs stuff, Bears stuff, Michigan Avenue stuff.. whatever.. her directing me as I cooked dinner.. "ooh add a little water" or "mix that really good" "okay turn that over now" "time to start the carrots" (her favorite). she cooked by sound, by smell, by touch. She could always tell if I was rushing something or waiting too long and she would remind me. "these things take time" or "okay, turn down the heat" or "wait another 10 minutes or so" as she would gaze out the window watching the world go by through her crystal clear light blue eyes.. nobody in the world has her color eyes.. they were so clear, so pale, just barely a hint of color to them and then the color they were.. just a touch of sky blue. pretty amazing.. or are they amazingly pretty.. hmmm

SNOW IN APRIL!

2008-05-01T08:37:00.001-05:00

YES WE HAD SNOW ON APRIL 28TH.. A thick heavy snow at that! It actually stuck on the ground and on cars! Thank god it had melted by the time I came back out because I had given my snow brush to Tim! lol!

this big ol heart o mine

2008-04-08T08:20:00.001-05:00

THERE ONCE WAS A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART THAT NO ONE ELSE COULD EVER BE

THE REASON IT WAS SO SPECIAL WAS BECAUSE IT WAS A SPACE MADE FOR ONLY YOU AND ME

BEFORE WE MET AS LOVERS THIS PLACE WAS ONLY A LOCKED PLACE TO HIDE

BUT SOMEHOW SOME WAY YOU FOUND THE KEY AND LET OURSELF INSIDE

UNLOCKING A DOOR THAT HAD NEVER BEEN TOUCHED WAS COVERED IN DUST AND SOOT

WAS AN EXCITMENT ALL IT’S OWN YOU CARRIED NO WEIGHT AFOOT

THE OLD WOODEN DOOR OPENED WITH A CREEK TO A NEW BEAUTIFUL WONDERLAND

FILLED WITH NEW LIFE ADVENTURES YOU GRIPPED THE KEY TIGHTER IN YOUR HAND

THE EXCITEMENT BUILT AND BUILT AS YOU TIPTOIED THROUGHOUT THIS WONDEROUS SPACE

WITH A GREAT BIG GOOFY SMILE SLAPPED ABROAD YOUR FACE

YOUR EYES OPENED WIDE INSPECTING EVERYTHING HERE JUST FOR YOU

AND HOPED THAT THIS FANTASYLAND WOULD ASWAYS STAY TRUE

AT THAT MOMENT WE DID NOT REALIZE A RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES WORK

AND WE EXPECTED IT ALL ALWAYS TO BE THE JOYOUS SOUND OF A CORK

POPPING OUT THE BOTTLE CHAMPAIGN SPLASHING THROUGHOUT THE AIR

MAKING US ALL WET WITH NO PAIN TO EVER BARE

NOW THAT PLACE IN MY HEART IS CLOSED AND LOCKED UP TIGHT

I HAVE PUSHED YOU OUT AND THE KEY YOU WILL NEVER FIND

I GUARD THIS DOOR NOW WITH EVER SINGLE OUNCE OF STRENGTH

SO YOU MAY NEVER AGAIN SLIP BACK INSIDE AND BRING ME MORE WRETCHED HEARTACHE

THE REASON IS NOT HIDDEN DEEP, IT THE REASON EVERYONE ONE KNOWS SO WELL

AND FOR THAT REASON AND ONE REASON ALL ALONE I NOW RETURN AS MY EMPTY HEARTED CLONE

THE REASON BEING ONE THAT MAKES ME LOOK AWAY IN SHAME

AND MAKES ME FEEL LITTLE, SCARED, AND ALL ALONE IN PAIN

BUT DAY BY DAY I ALWAYS PRAY I WILL NEVER FEEL THIS ACHE

FROM WHEN MY LOVER FELL FROM GRACE AND REACHES FOR ANOTHER...

I DISCOVERED HE LOOKS DOWN UPON ANOTHER WOMENTS FACE

THIS ACHE NOW SCARES ME AS I LOOK UP INTO YOUR EYES

I WILL NEVER KNOW ANYTHING BUT THE ENDLESS MOURNFUL CRIES

OF DREAMS THAT ARE SWEPT INTO THE PAST

GOOD THINGS IN LIFE GUARANTEED TO NEVER LAST

NOW THAT ALL IS SAID AND DONE

I FEEL A GREAT RELEIF TO BELIEVE AT LEAST WE KINDA WON

AT LEAST WE FOUND THE ONE AND ONLY

THE ONE THAT MAKES US WHOLE

THE ONES WHO CARRIES THE PROMISE TO ALWAYS HELP US REACH OUR GOAL

NO MATTER HOW FAR APART

I MAY FIND YOU LURKING IN MY MIND

OR HIDDEN FROM THE WORLD BEHIND THIS BIG ’OL HEART O’MINE

DRUMROLL PLEASE.... Dylan is 14

2008-04-02T09:11:00.004-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY! I LOVE YA!!!!!! I CAN NOT BELIEVE HE IS 14!! Dylan has been asking for a laptop for like 5 years and finally we all pitched in and got him a lap top.. and he got a really cool one to boot! Ed (of course) found us a really great deal. Dylan had a list of things he wanted his laptop to have/things he wanted it to be able to do and we pretty much covered all the bases but also got a few extras minus a webcam. He's set for high school! DOUBLE WOOT!!

on his way home to his mommy...

2008-03-24T13:16:00.001-05:00

Blue is on his way home!! yeahhh!!! I'm pretty excited about seeing him! Little devil boy!

CC debt war update

2008-03-02T19:35:00.003-06:00

Okay.. I just realized that I have not updated this blog on our credit card debt war. i think the last time I actually blogged about I had just mentioned us getting the jobs at the boat.

Okay so here is the low down. Tim and I had absolutely no debt when we moved into this house almost 5 years ago. We paid off what little debt we had, I think like $4,000, my car, and paid his parents back for the lending us the money for the down payment plus still had over $40,000 for the down payment on the house and down payment on his new truck. So we bought the house and 11 days later took the remaining $10,000 and his old truck and bought his new truck. I'd like to say that we got a good deal on the truck, but of course there are a few cardinal rules i think we missed along the way considering the fact that we argued over the price of the truck vs the price of the trade in for over 6 hours. Looking back we should have left but it was the EXACT truck Tim wanted and i wasn't leaving until Tim got what he wanted.

Less than a month later began the downward spiral. Both my and Tim's jobs started slowing down, we went from working ALL THE TIME to being home more and more often which gave us more time to hang and get to know our neighbors which was great.. on the flip side we never sat down and said "okay we gotta cut back expenses" we lived as if we were making double what we made (as we had been for the previous 4 years solid). The weddings began, a ton of our friends all got married within the last 4 years so you can imagine all the showers, engagement parties, bachelor/ette parties, wedding gifts, clothing, tux rentals, hotel rooms, days off of work, flights, car rentals, and now baby showers, baby gifts, christening gifts etc etc etc we've had to pay.. and my gut reaction has been to be a little bitter about all the expenses we've incurred considering most of these people were not around when I had Dylan and have contributed nothing to him and for my marriage to Tim did not have anywhere near the expenses we did for their weddings. But in "keeping up with the Joshezz" fashion we kept up even though we couldn't afford it.

We have been chiseling away at this debt since the end of October and haven't even paid off $10,000 which really sucks but we are keeping at it. More importantly we've finally looked at the big picture and decided we need to start putting our foot down and looking out for ourselves as #1. So if we look at costs and can't afford something, we either don't go or we go and don't spend any money doing going. It's funny how now I look at taking a Saturday night off for a family event as COSTING me $150. That $150 is now what I feel I'm "behind" in paying off debt. It sucks to look at it that way.. but that is the way it is.

I feel that we are fortunate in one area. Tim and I have always been a PAY YOURSELF FIRST couple and we have faithfully contributed to our 401k's, ESOP's, IRA's, money market funds, installment certificates, bonds etc this entire time. So when we consolidated our credit cards and got a home equity loan to pay off everything, it just didn't make sense to us to have to pull money from those funds/accounts and have to pay penalties and/or taxes and fees on that money. Taking on second jobs was the only way we could live with this and hopefully the exhuastion and frusteration we feel from working extra hours every week will stick with us long enough to never touch a credit card again.

The one thing I didn't expect to happen is that this has become my personal vendetta if you will. In my life I've gone through periods of obsession with something or another.. the last 3 years was diet and exercise.. it became my passion.. that has been totally thrown to the wind, I'm gaining weight like you wouldn't believe.. but really I don't care because I'm focused on the debt and the feeling I get when I make another payment. The cool part has been that we got the HELOC through our credit union so I can go online 24/7 and make payments. I've been trying to deposit as much tip cash as possible sometimes several times a week and then I go online and wait for that money to become available. The second it becomes available I make a payment unles I need it for something else.

Tim and I have been attempting to make goals and write them down and keep track week to week on those goals. Bare with us the next couple months because we have a rather large goal we set for ourselves and hindsite of course we realized we have a bunch of other BIG MONEY things coming up the next 3 months that need to be paid for.. so I'm actually doubting that we'll get anywhere near our goal, but we are sure as hell going to try. On the plus side is our BIG MONEY things will be paid for in CASH unlike 6 months ago. 6 months ago I wouldn't have thought about it at all and just paid for it with my credit card, or paid cash and then would buy groceries for the month on my credit card.. so either way, my credit card was going for a ride several times a month.

Getting 2nd jobs was a big wake up call for many of our family and friends who realized that we were in credit card debt but did not realize the full extent of it. (I have actually had to tell my dad the total number like 5 times because I think he is in denial about it and each time he acts shocked all over again) I have to say that since the wake up call that we have gotten so much more support and I think we've even encouraged other people to take their debt troubles by the horns and go out and get 2nd jobs. The last few months every week at least 2 or 3 people question me about my 2nd job, how it's going, etc and then tell me that they are thinking about having to do the same thing. No matter how much it sucks, sometimes it just has to be done.

SO GO OUT THERE AND GETTTTTTERRRRRRRRR DONE!

Sidney and her pantons...

2008-02-28T09:39:00.002-06:00

yes.. so my cat in the absense of her true life enemy (Blue) now has the energy to come up with some super annoying and sometimes very expensive hobbies. She will play with anything we've come to find out.. a straw that was left in my apron from the boat, she'll tear the wrapper off and chew and play with the straw for hours.. she likes to wake us up the second she hears one of us move in bed, even comes to stand guard meowing as she stands on our heads begging us to wake up and feed her. For anyone who has met Sid you realize the cat actually talks.. sometimes in regular english words so I wake up at 5 am only because I rolled over or dare to take a pee and she walks in wailing, MMMMMOOOOOOOMMMMMMAAAA MMMMAAAAAAMMMMMAAAAAAA MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM nice cat, you are 15 and totally senile, go down stairs and pretend you are sleeping.. no dice EVER. okay.. so on to her wonderful new hobby.. stealing pantons out of the bathroom, tearing their wrapper off, and flinging the applicator and plug around the house.. so if you come to my house and find tampons laying about.. you know why (oh yes.. and in our house pantons are tampons.. just another "from the mouth of babes" comment made by my son when he was like 5 or 6 "moooomm I know what a PANTON is!!" yeah huh...

wishing on a star...

2008-02-27T22:35:00.002-06:00

well.. there it is.. I'm feeling guilty for dealing with such pettiness in my life over the past two weeks when two of my girlfriends are dealing with their dads dying before them.. their daddies, their rock, strong men who raised them... one daddies little girl, one not even close.. but both dealing with the terms of their sentence.. each conversation important, each moment away from them missing what life is left excruciating.. each trying to grasp at straws, and keep their chins held high.. and then again this week.. another woman I know who sadly lost her father in the same manner as the other 2 girls found out her best friend.. a girl she's known since she was 4, the godmother to her first born... her best friend's condition was announced today loud and clear and the news not good. we forced her to leave, to go home, to take some time for her.. to deal with this, to do what she needed to do.. and again.. tonight I'm wishing on a star now for 3 women who maybe don't invade my everyday life, but as these days wind down for them I will keep them in my thoughts and hope that at the end for them what is needed to be said has been said.. as this is a blessing in a sense that they do have time to open their hearts, speak their minds, and hopefully have no regrets after all is said and done.. after all.. it's not too late.

To the three ladies who have some way or form been there for me in my life, I love you, I'm here for you, I'm thinking of you and your families.

getting BENT

2008-01-06T21:06:00.001-06:00

so there it is.. the story of my life.. getting the short end of the stick, life not being fair, nothing being equal at least in my eyes.. the life of a Libra where balancing everything in ones life is essential... and even sometimes for me obsessive. and nothing like lives little reminders to just keep popping up to let me know at all costs that my life will never seem balanced to others around me is the always bent fork. Not one fork in my house is bent... not that I know of, but low and behold no matter where I eat out I ALWAYS get the bent fork. It's the most annoying happening in my life. It's always consistent. I can go to any restuarant anywhere and grab a fork from a bin myself.. one out HUNDREDS of forks in 4-5 bins even at a buffett and somehow I always winds up with the bent fork. here it was again tonight. My son and I went out for dinner before I had to drop him back off with his dad. The waiter asked us if we wanted bread before our meal came out.. sure that sounds good.. he brings bread and butter but no utensils. a bus boy comes around the corner just a minute later and I ask him to which he quickly grabs to sets of silverware wrapped in a napkin secured by a little wrapper with the restuarants logo. I rip through the paper and look down and there it is.. another bent fork.. to this I laugh and my son grabs his set of utensils.. he got TWO forks.. both of them perfect, now one flaw in either of them.. I get ONE fork in my set.. mine is BENT and somehow my son gets TWO forks.. both perfect? coincindence.. I think not.. it's just a story of my life. My son and I have a really good laugh at it and laugh about how annoying it is to me try to eat with a bent fork. It pains me to actually put the fork full of food in my mouth. It's the strangest thing. i don't like the feeling of the little prong sticking out no matter how little the bend is.. so this gets me thinking.. is there a reason for this.. is there someone trying to give me some sort of a signal from another side.. is it the food gods saying DON'T FUCKING EAT THIS SHIT because I love to eat so much and it's so bad for me.. my one addiction in life for my addictive personality because I refuse to smoke, drink or spend money... or is it someone who has passed who through forks shows me they are still around.. this is your reminder however I have no fucking clue who you are... OR could it be that at one point in my life someone told me to GET BENT and now I'm being punished by bent forks? I don't get it.. I don't.

yes so if you too seem to find something in your life that is just ALWAYS a little off.. maybe you get the small fork at every meal? or the small spoon? or you never get a steak knife at your favorite steak house? or maybe you always get the dirty toliet stall in public bathrooms.. or the end of the toliet paper roll... what is it in your life that always happens...

Pickle Puss

2007-12-13T14:14:00.000-06:00

here is a short story long if you will... this story gives me hope that those not with us who are in heaven are still right there with us... and of course you have to wait until the end of the story to see why.. but I was touched by the entire occurance.. not just the proof.

My mom moved and also retired from her hospital she worked at for 25 years. She got a new part time job at a small country hospital right near her new home. So last week she was at work and she sees this strickingly handsome guy and he turns and looks at her and it happens to be a friend of her that she had grown up with's husband. The friend was a neighbor who was the "little sister" of a total of 3 sisters and 1 brother whom my mother is still good friends with. Now this sister Theresa (my middle name) was my grandmothers favorite and she had a little nickname for her.. Pickle Puss. At my grandmothers wake we laughed and talked about how my grandma called her that all the time... of course she cried, but was also curiously silent the entire time she was at the wake.. so much so that she slipped out without anyone noticing and left.. she didn't stay for the funeral and nobody knew why... we found out 6 months later when she herself died after losing her battle with cancer. She left behind two children 12 and 10 at the time... so the husband and kids live far from us.. about a 2 hour drive.. so you can imagine the shock my mom had when she saw him standing right in front of her... so as it turns out he works for a baby formula company (my mom works in mother baby taking care of moms after delivery and new babies) so he was there to give a presentation because their normal sales guy quit. Insanity for him, but part of his job. So they got to talking and my mom of course had to ask how the kids were doing, how he was doing... he said that his first Christmas was miserable BUT the first Christmas card he got that year was from her daughter (me) and that it really helped him through the season. (I'm seriously touched and so glad he told her because I wasn't sure if he was even getting them). I have no idea what I wrote in that card but apparantly he was very happy to recieve it. So they had a good talk and he excused himself to go clean up the conference room he had been using for a few hours to give this presentation.. so she followed him in to give him a hand because he had brought a full lunch.. sandwiches, chips, pop and he said "I forgot to take out the pickles" my mom had to leave the room.

So not only did my mom pick that hospital to work for (she really doesn't have to work) that shift work on that day (she picks her own hours) but then his sales guy quit and he was just filling in.. and they met in the weirdest of places.. and of course.. he forgets the pickles. Just the little things that almost give me proof they are still here with us because only to my mom would the pickles have signfigance.

Theresa, we love you, we miss you, we're glad you are still here with us.. thanks for the proof.

just EXACTLY how many straws can there be in 24 hours???

2007-12-11T13:28:00.000-06:00

SO OF COURSE.. I'M JUST TOTALLY NUCKING FUTZ... I'LL JUST TELL YOU THAT. I decided to take on 5 boys this weekend, had accepted 6 not all of them showed up. Plus I had to work at the boat this weekend, Friday and Saturday from 6pm to 1am... plus Tim was working 8am-6pm on Saturday.. plus I was going to have my holiday cookie exchange tonight.. Monday night.. that equals one busy weekend for me and *almost* wishing Tuesday and the whole thing was over and done with and life was back to normal.. Anyway.. so of course one thing leads to another.. 2 bad nights at the boat, some fighting kids, lack of sleep, not seeing my husband all weekend, driving kids all over the place and back (when they forgot stuff), an utter meltdown ending with a 3 hour cleanathon that landed me in Tylenol PM coma at 9pm on Sunday night.. the house was clean and most everything was ready for my party Monday night. Had some major problems at work, a system upgrade that totally effed our whole way of doing things.. had to start from scratch and refigure things.. took most the day.. got things on track... went home for lunch, shoveled most of the driveway... heard about a storm heading our way tonight... the phone rings one after another... and the one that stopped me dead in my tracks.. was the 2nd straw that broke the camels back in the last 24 hours... My dad had put Princess to sleep today.. no warning.. we knew she was old.. we knew she was in pain.. we thought it was just arthritis.. I guess it was more.. and he made the decision.. I cried my eyeballs out from 2-6pm within that time learning of another girl in my subdivision who was going to come over found out she had some really bad blood test results come back... the girl next doors great aunt died, her wake funeral was today and she was sick so couldn't come, another neighbor had a terrible weekend.. wound up spending 5 hours of her Saturday basically looking for a set of keys to get into her car which was locked in the Jewel parking lot... I can't say bad day.. I'm saying bad 4 days... Not sure if "thank god it's over" is appropriate.. the storm that is heading our way is going to be as bad (or maybe worse) than the one that hit back in January 1994. I was pregnant with Dylan and there was an ince of ice on everything.. closed down everything for more than 24 hours.

we'll see how I'm doing tomorrow.. for now.. Rest in Peace little Princess (bitch) we love you... no more pain for you.

The war on credit card debt AKA the 2nd jobs we took on to pay off our debt

2007-10-28T18:57:00.000-05:00

Soooooo Tim and I started our new 2nd jobs this week.. wow what a disaster my first 2 nights were... all totalled I wound up only making around $50 in tips. The first night I just shadowed another waitress who conviently was leaving for the Phillapines for 3 weeks... I was told later that they do that pretty often.. basically wait until the last minute to hire people. anyway.. so here I am on my first day without someone showing me how to do everything and basically taking the bull by the horns. I basically don't know how to anything.. never waitressed a day in my life... my swipe card got activated wrong, therefore I had many screw ups including the kitchen not getting a few of my orders, one of my orders taking 40 minutes that consisted of chili and nachos, my computer freezing when said customers who had to wait 40 minutes for chili used a credit card to pay for their bill, among a slew of other things happening and then it got dead and I caught up and it wasn't so bad! lol! go figure. My first night my feet and back where hurting within minutes. I couldn't imagine having to wait until 1 am to go home but I finally made it through. The 2nd night I had bought new shoes and was definately in better shape and had also brought advil in case my back started hurting.. which it did promptly an hour before closing, but I had bought Tylenol PM to take when I got home so I could sleep..

Okay.. other than all that.. all in all the job isn't too bad. I'm liking it. I guess if I had gone to work for any other retail type establishment I wouldn't be making tips or anything so if I bring home $40 per night on top of my hourly pay.. it's not taht bad.. now Tim.. he's got the good job.. jerk! lol!

they walk among us.. AKA Assholes of America

2007-10-16T08:51:00.000-05:00

My cousin Heather was a blogging fiend up until oh.. this year when her 3rd child was born.. now you are lucky to see a blog maybe once a month and it's usually a little blurb, nothing like before when she had more time to write and write. Anyway, she started blogging and posting pictures of Assholes of America. For example, once at Costco with her 3 young children a women selling VitaMix actually left a knife out on a table. How dangerous is that? Then she had the nerve to get mad at the kids for trying to put their hands up on the table to get whatever was up there. They obviously thought there was either something to play with or food up there.

Okay.. so of course I don't travel with my camera as my cousin does (she's got 3 under 6 so she's gotta capture every cute stunt they perform ya know). So the story goes like this. I'm driving to work this morning and I come up to the top of this steep hill where there is just 3 lanes. One going west, one turn lane to turn south, and one lane coming from the oppossite direction going east. So I'm in the turn lane waiting for the arrow. All of a sudden I notice the little light at the top of the light had turned on and it flashing... a cop???? an ambulance??? a firetruck???? I don't hear it... where is it... ohhhh yes coming up the steep hill right behind me a fire engine... lights blaring, full siren, honking like mad.. now the light has turned green and the traffic from the west coming east toward me of course has started coming right on through as if there wasn't a problem.. but better yet someone in the front of the line decides to completely stop, the people in the lane to the right of me refuse to move forward, and of course there she is MISS SHINING I WILL NOT BREAK A SINGLE LAW AND MOVE right the fuck in front of me.. so of course the fire engine is right up my ass where he should be attempting to get through. I'm honking, the fire engine is honking, everyone is yelling out their windows at MISS MORON to move her fucking ass.. but of course she won't make the left even though traffic is totally stopped and we have the green.. JUST FUCKING GO. We sat like that long enough that I probably could have gotten out of the car, walked to a printing press, had an invitation to move her fucking car now before I or the firemen behind me stuck the firetruck up her ass mad up, walked back and handed it to her polietly before the fucking bitch decides to move up.. she moved up exactly a foot.. OOOOOHHHHH YES A FUCKING FIRE TRUCK CAN GET THROUGH WITH AN EXTRA FOOT.. YES I FORGOT.. IT WAS A MATCHBOX SIZE FIRE TRUCK or one of those fire trucks that actually folds down as it glides through traffic.. ya know the ones in futuristic movies THAT DON'T FUCKING EXIST. yeah.. so finally after a few minutes and enough honking and yelling out the window she finally makes the left.. then carefully puts on her right turn signal and gets in the right lane and stops.. thanks fuck nut.. I drove around her ass then moved over glaring at her as I sped past her.. so she wins the award for the day of THEY WALK AMONGST US.

pics of the duck..

2007-10-15T12:05:00.001-05:00

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pics of the duck..

2007-10-15T12:05:00.000-05:00

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when life hands you ducks, make turducken...

2007-10-12T10:19:00.000-05:00

sooo yes. today marks that day that Blue actually made a new friend.. WITH A DUCK! of course, my dumb dog has to bring a DUCK back into my home.. I just don't get it.. no he can't bring the winning lottery ticket or save Timmy from the well.. but he can bring in a domestic duck! ughhh soooo not good.. I have to wait to see what the wildlife guy says when he comes to see him. I do have pictures which I will post later.

My husband whisked me away to Punta Cana for my GASP 31st birthday...this is how it went....

2007-10-10T21:04:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday to me...

Okay so this year we decided to take a vacation so we searched on line and found the best value was a package for $631 per person which included all the food/drinks you can handle, airfare, transfers, you name it to Punta Cana. So I picked my birthday to my mom’s birthday which just happened to have a really cheap price. So yesterday was my 31st birthday and will go down as probably my worst one yet.. First of all I went to work on Monday and the first thing that happens is that we find out that 3 of our branches are being closed down AND that we are laying off 3 people from our branch. Just wonderful... I was not one of the people but I have to admit, the sweet package they got sounded pretty sweet considering I would have been paid until Nov 30th, then collected my vacation time, then gotten 2 weeks pay for every year of service.. so I would have been taken care of through May! How awesome would that have been.. not sure if it would have been good or bad.. but I am glad in the long run it wasn’t me.. so then for whatever reason I was procrastinating packing.. not sure why.. just didn’t really want to do it.. so finally at 8:30pm on Monday night I finally get going on paying bills, packing, running to walgreens, writing a few emails, clean up the house and what not.. so midnight comes and goes and I realize that I have to be up at 4am to take a neighbors cat out, shower, walk my dog, etc So we get to the air port around 5:30am get through checking in, putting in our bags, security.. eat some breakfast, get on plane #1. Land in Puerto Rico, get off the plane, have no clue where to go.. we finally found our way, got a bite to eat ($9 for a ham sandwich and a water bottle) then was shuttled out to our puddle jumper plane. It actually had props on it! I was amazed and Tim actually thought it was amusing to try to fuck with me and tell me horror stories and how scary those planes are.. it was totally fine.. we get to Punta Cana are walked off the plane and taken to the customs area with the baggage claim.. got our bags, got in our van with our driver and off we went.. finally at the hotel we got some room service, unpacked, walked around the resort, got some dinner.. then realized that we got american channels so of course I wanted to see Biggest Loser.. it wasn’t on until 8:30 here.. then I tried to fall asleep after it was over.. umm yeah.. not so much.. they were having a show not far from our building and it was LOUD!! ughh Tim is totally passed out (again.. the night before his head hit the pillow and he was out and I was up until after 2 and my mom called me at 3:45 so I was going on an hour and half of sleep which doesn’t jive with me.. ) anyway.. so I’m exhausted, can’t sleep, now I’m watching tv again trying to fall asleep in this HARD ASS BED and the air doesn’t really make it cool in the room.. so I’m hot, sleeping naked in a weird bed, etc.. okay, so Tim finally wakes up to yell at me to turn off the tv and now I’m in tears that I’m exhausted, can’t sleep because of the noise, the heat, the bed, and it’s my birthday to top it all off.. so Tim is apologizing all over the place and trying to get me to calm down and just try to go to bed.. so I put on my mp3 player and start listening to some music.. eventually I fall asleep of course until Kelly Clarkson was bellowing IT’S LIKE I CAN’T BBBRRRRRRREEEAAAATTHHHHHHHHHH.. so begins another day on vacation.. uggh I hate traveling but I always enjoy the days between!

A DAY AT THE BEACH

soooooo we didn’t wake up this morning until almost 11am... breakfast ends at 10:30 and they have continental breakfast until 11:30 but instead we ordered room service. then we decided to get our suits on and head to the beach.. we found the beach grill which was open as soon as we got down there until after we left.. we had a great time at the beach feeding the fish, reading our books, eating nachos and french fries, and just hanging out.. it was relaxing just hanging out... we saw a ton of ladies topless so now I’m wishing I had brought my 2 piece suit.. I may have to check out the little shops here to see what I can find... not normally a 2 piece girl.. but the idea of sunbathing topless is appealing for once in my life... back at the room we found it was too late for lunch and too early for the beach bbq tonight.. ughhh so we’re hanging out watching tv.. oh well.. maybe I’ll go down and get some internet time and check some emails.

animals

we finally saw animals today! some guy at the beach had a bird and later a huge iguana he was taking pictures of people holding.. it was sorta cool.. we didn’t do it.. but we also encountered a stray dog on the beach today... looks like a really small lab mix. He was blond and really weary of humans. I tried several times to feed him and of course he wanted nothing to do with me... then later we realized the pigeons were really into my french fries so I threw them a bunch.. they had fun with those.. got yet another beach towel today.. the one I got the first day really moldy smelling, then I got one that was moldy and sweaty smelling.. this one seems okay so far !!

Okay.. list of things to bring on next all inclusive vacation. Your own beach towels, a big mug to fill with beer... I think that’s all we have thought of so far.

Tonight is Dominician night.. so we get to taste their food.. we’ll see how this goes.. oh yeah today we found the beach garden that is open around the clock with basic food.. what is funny is some of the food that is served there is also served at the beach bbq which is not 50 feet from each other! go figure! okay.. that’s it for today.

IT’S A RAINY DAY IT’S A RAINY DAY...

It’s raining outside and I can’t go out and play.. well not if you are Tim and there is a swim up bar that you can drink at and hang out with another couple who braved the wet stay and drink.. ughhh not so much fun.. started the day going to breakfast.. on our way out Tim found a little hut that wasn’t occupied so I sat my fat arse down under it and he went and changed clothes and then we swapped.. NOTE FOR NEXT VACATION: BRING A BEACH BAG SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE ROOM AND DON’T HAVE TO CARRY CRAP ALL OVER THE EFFING RESORT.. OH YEA.. BRING PLENTY OF PENS, BOOKS, AND AN ALARM CLOCK AS WELL.. go figure the one hotel that doesn’t have clocks ANYWHERE! really annoying.. you have to turn on the tv to figure out what time it could be or your cell phone which is totally annoying.. well today was the first day with sun so we figured that we would spend the day at the pool.. yeah until the thunder started and not long after that rain, more rain, heavy rain, more rain, and still it rains.. I watched a couple movies on tv, finished my book, walked the stores, ate lunch, now we are getting ready to go out to dinner... fun.. until tomorrow...

another slightly sunny day.. at the pool
another morning filled with sunlight only to elude us and turn into a dreary cloudy day.. it was still quite warm so we sat at the adult pool for a few hours and then later at the main pool. Met two different groups of people from canada.. they paid soooo much more for their trips, so I’m feeling excited that we got such a great deal. Had our pictures taken with this little tiny monkey.. only to look at the finished pictures and realize we both look really fat.. ughhh I *****almost*’***** can’t wait to get back on Weight Watchers!! ha! Had a run in with the dinner reservation dude.. stood in line from 9:45 to 10:03 when he told the entire line of people “too late I can’t make any more reservations see you between 4-6pm tonight”FUCKER went to the front desk, told them we were pissed so the coceriege dude continued making dinner reservationsl it took another 1/2 hour but we finally got in at the Italian Restaurant again tonight.. we have like 3 hours until then. Tim found a tiny little crab at the pool today so I took it down to the shore.. other than that.. totally uneventful day at the pool.

as they always say... Monday Monday can’t trust that day!

ughhh yes so here it is our last day here.. I just went to meet with our vacation rep and he told me I have to be downstairs ready to go before 11:15am tomorrow... our flight doesn’t leave until 4pm so I was pretty shocked. I guess the are asking for at least 3 to 3 1/2 at the airport.. ughhhh effin wonderful. So I feel as if they are taking a few precious hours from me.. but what can I do? Checkout is at noon anyhow.. so I guess it works out okay..

just a tid bit of information on my day today.. as usual I couldn’t con Tim out from the bar to go eat lunch so as usual I said I’m going to the bathroom and then I’ll be over at the buffett.. he normally follows right behind me before I finish my salad or first plate of food he’s heading over to our table plate full in hand. So I’m sitting there digging into my salad when my mind goes totally blank and I start thinking about my cousin Heather and Tim’s god daughter (Heathers daughter) Irina. So I’m thinking OMG she’s almost 8 months.. I’m recounting on my fingers under the table making sure my math is correct considering I always go off of April and October at 6 month guages... so then I start thinking why the heyyyylll and I suddenly thinking about Heather... true I think about her from time to time and actually just earlier today I had been talking about her husband to another guest here at the resort... but why this minute..... hmmm.... wow.. they sure are playing a lot of US ENGLISH songs today... hmmmm weird.. wonder why I was thinking about her... this salad is pretty good.. ughh I forgot the effing cheese... oh crap, there’s Tim.. wow I thought I was getting stood up.... hmmm ughhhh DUH they are playing Heather & Mike’s wedding dance song.. The Power of Love by Celine.. I know I know.. Heather herself has professed her reasoning for not seeing Titanic at the theaters due to Celines WAIL but there it was.. another moment in time I just etched in.. weird huh? lol!

Okay.. I have to wake my passed out drunkered husband up now so we can go to dinner.. we actually found a place we love here.. yumm..

Miami airport sucks...

thats all I have to say.. yes dirty, gross, totally insane.. they walk you a mile in a circle to go to almost the same place... really weird.. okay.. our flight is boarding.

we missed good weather in chicago.. of course.. my luck..

my hair rubber band return system

2007-09-14T07:59:00.000-05:00

Yes.. one day over 12 years ago I recieved the best invention ever.. and I got it free. This machine provides the best service a girl could ever need. Here is how it works. I go to workout and every day I pull a hair rubber band out of my work out bag. Over the years I've cycled through pastel colored ones, flat ones, round ones, plain black ones, etc. Now all I have to do it pull the band out of my hair and throw it on any counter top, one in the bathroom, kitchen, a table will work just as well.. breakfast bar.. coffee table.. whatever. Just throw it on a surface. Now during the night I will hear many sounds coming from the depths of my home and giving that our last home was over 3,000 sq feet and built in the late 1800's I normally did not hear all the noise that this machine would make over the course of a night fixing to return my precious cargo to it's intended place. In my new house, built just 4 years ago of PAPER where you can SEE through walls.. of course I hear every noise within an 8 hour span of the machine doing it's work throughout the night. The noises sounds like this... mrrrrrrrrrrwwwwwwahhhhhhhhhhhhh mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmrrrrrrrwwwwwwrrrrrrrrrrweeeehhhhhh mmmmmuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrwoooooowwwwwww it goes on hour after hour like this... sometimes it's met by my husband or I yelling from our slumber SHUT UP or actually getting up and slamming the door.. hence the machine does not like to be yelled at or locked out of any room in our house so the machine must come to make amends. Somtimes the machine will come bring you the rubber band or other object it has found to return, just to show you in good faith at 2 am that indeeds it's doing it's job. As you awake, trying to adjust your eyes in the bright morning sun you stumble down the stairs, let the dog out, turn around and low and behold THERE IT IS. My hair rubber band returned to it's place. My cat's food dish of course, that is where it belongs.. but ohhh no it does not stop there. From time to time somehow within a nights work my rubber band does not get returned to it's intended place. I've never been sure where they go UNTIL LAST NIGHT. Yes, I was looking for another item in my home and decided to pull out the stove and fridge from their tight little homes in our kitchen.. low and behold I found 28 hair rubberbands and probably 20 or so little fuzzy balls that my cat plays with! AH HA! So my free gadget isn't always perfect after all.. oh well.

more theories

2007-09-12T15:25:00.000-05:00

#4. Europeon people in general are horney people.. in fact in general Polish women are the horniest of the bunch. Not sure where I came up with this idea.. but we are.

#5. Polish people can not live without their dog companions. Another, I have no clue where I came up with this.. but I've decided that they just can't.

#6. Society has totally brainwashed us to think certain things and like a herd of cattle we just follow.

#7. My generation and all those to follow are set up to fail financially. My 13 year old son has a debit card. Not a credit card, but he's on his way. You walk into college the first day and you are offered many credit cards with huge limits. Of course, we take them and set ourselves up from day 1 out on our own. "we'll pay it later" uhhh huhh yeah with the equity in our houses or with 2nd jobs!

I finally took my own advice and put my other foot down!

2007-09-02T06:59:00.000-05:00

Ha! yes that is my stupid sense of humor kicking in.. bascially it's one of my work jokes.. I work up figures for mortgage closings, send them to a title co so they can take my numbers, the broker numbers, their numbers, etc and put them all together to come to a bottom line of what the borrower has to bring (or get back) to a closing. So the title closers will call and say "I'm having trouble balancing" and one of my comebacks is usually "did you put your other foot down, sometimes that helps" which normally is met by not only a good portion of my office roaring with laughter (I'm pretty loud people can hear me across the office, god help me in "personal matters") but either the person on the other end of the phone either snickering at me or just bluntly ignoring me because they are over the frusteration point enough to actually call me.. to which I am no help on their end.. it's bascially "here is how I balanced to my number" and I usually get the responce of "yeah I got that but I'm still off $4,000" umm yeah, you did something wrong on your end, not sure what BUT I have not one fee that is exactly that number and you have WAYYYY more fees than I have on my side PLUS every single one of these companies uses different software so depending on the type of fee and how it's paid varies. Anyway.. on to what my blog is about.. it is about balancing I swear to you.

So Friday marked the first day of my 3 day weekend ALONE with my husband with actually no plans.. for any of you who know me or have seen my calendar, not only are my weekends normally completely packed with sometimes 3 or more parties/events, but my weekdays have followed suite most of this summer as well.. having 3 days with no kids, no set in stone plans, just 3 days stretched before us.. well 4 for Tim considering he got Friday off as well. Lucky bastard. So one of the things we did plan on doing was tackling the room I'm in now.. the computer room... it has become the bowels of our financial disaster that we would love to ignore. Somehow over the years of marriage we have gone from making total peanuts and always having cash (I'm a total budget freak) to making gads and gads of ca$h not even knowing what to do with it paying every bill months before they were due to going back on the unbusy side of our businesses and not making anywhere near the amount we were accostomed to. It used to be, oh we have an extra $5,000 this month, I think we'll buy a new fence and pay cash or something of that nature.. now it's glee when we find a $1 in a jean pocket we had forgotten about.. but the situation has just completly downward spiraled to the point where we couldn't hold back our spending the way we did when we were first married and we had to go out and get a home equity loan, payoff all the credit cards, and bite the bullet. We are each *thinking* about 2nd jobs, but now with my work becoming busier again, I'm definately going to take full advantage of that. Somehow just with the home equity loan the $ stress has finally seemed to lift somewhat. We still *know* we owe the $ BUT we decided to get a few extra thousand and treat ourselves to a nice vacation before we get to the nitty gritty. So we booked ourselves a vacation to Punta Cana for $631 per person! All inclusive, air fare everything included! yes, I'm sooo the queen of cheap! lol!

Okay, so for whatever reason we were in the computer room by 8:30 yesterday morning merging the big piles into smaller piles and shredding things we didn't need. That went very well and actually much faster than I had expected. By the time we were done I realized I had a mountain of old bank statements that had never been reconciled. I used to be a whiz at this, loving to reconcile the checkbook since I was 10 and now the computerized version is so much faster and easier. So I get my mountain of papers together, but them all in order, go to my money program, open it, click balance this account.. yup it pops up with a date of NOVEMBER 2005! Okay, I knew I was behind on balancing the checkbook but that is nuts.. so of course somehow within the mountain of paper I'm missing which month???? ohhhhh yes, the month I need to start with.. as I'm wading through boxes and folders of old bank statements and what not, Tim yelling at me to just "grab it on line" umm yeah, it's not the same but of course he has no clue, he has written 5 checks in our entire marriage.. ya think he's ever balanced/reconciled a check book.. yeah not so much. So I just tell him I need it. (Okay if worse came to worse I could have done it off line, however it was the first month and in order to get started I needed that month and we currently have no printer so I'd be copying it to word so I didn't have to be on line) Okay.. now if I could just get my shit in order and actually figure out how to let my on-line bank account balance my checkbook on my computer, I'd be all good.. I know it's possible, but I am so worried the way that I set things up will not coincide with the way the bank wants to reconcile my account.. soooo anyway..

Tim finds the missing months by gods grace, thank you! Someone on the other side felt bad for him just long enough to guide him to the correct folder! lol! so I had from Nov 2005 to July 2007, I sat down, made a big cup of tea, turned on the tunes and every month only took be 5-10 minutes! I have no clue why I haven't been doing it... and really I thought I only had maybe 6 months tops to do.. So I get into it and finding for the most part I'm doing really well adding everything in, all the right $'s etc. The only thing that is wrong is that sometimes I was totally effing us by entering an atm withdrawl twice somehow, or that my automatic payment thing had shown up as paying our financial advisor twice one month (2 different amounts, the computer added 1 and I added the other but failed to realize BOTH were in there) then I had one time I put a check in the bank, never added it. We get direct deposit so it's strange for us to have to add checks.. so I added those. The only down fall where I was not taking out enough $ was a few places I missed the change by like 30 cents.. I entered a 4 instead of a 7 or something that.. nothing huge. But I get done and now we have a few extra hundred dollars I didn't know about BUT what is weird is my bank balance on line comes no where close to my new #! I don't get it. ughh well.. I just won't go overboard and spend it.

So there you have it.. I decided to take my advice and put my other foot down.. and being a LIBRA I think this whole balancing thing is very helpful to me feeing almost whole again! lol!

Melissa's life theories...

2007-08-29T12:23:00.000-05:00

Okay.. throughout my life I've always had my own personal theory about certain situations.. some of them are actually pretty snappy if I do say so myself. Other people who have heard them have actually clapped and said I should run for president at some of my hair brained ideas... other they give me the weirdest smirk I've ever seen.. sorta of like Mario Lopez trying NOT to laugh at Miss South Carolina and her dumbass answer at the Miss Teen USA pageant. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

but really.. here are a few of mine.. some I've just figured out, others have years of thought behind them.

#1. Murderers should all be taken out of prison, given some sort of assult rifle, some ammo, a few water bottles/rations and dumped in the middle of Iraq. They will also be told if they hunt down and kill the right people they will given a "free pass" to come back to the US and not have to go back to jail. The whole time we know we aren't going back for them.. they can live or die over in Iraq. The bad part of this idea is that they would go around probably killing innocent bystanders, raping women/kids, and probably make the entire situation.. however, we could do the same with illegal aliens. Send them over to Iraq and tell them when they fight for their freedom that our forefathers have done then they can be citizins. No payment, no tests, just the fact that they fought for freedom.

#2 People who commit crimes should not be allowed to live "life in prison" why should I pay for their education, their food, their clothing etc. They did what they did for whatever reason.. if you get life in prison, you should be shot. end of story. For those people who don't get life, they should be put on house arrest and their family has to pay for them to live.

#3 It has been said (by much smarter people than I) that the american car companies have lost an entire generation of buyers and will take another generation to get back. Well.. case in point. My father is a die hard buy American kind of guy.. If I dare even look at a Scion I'll be taken out of the Will... he's a force to be reckoned with on some issues. So a few friends of mine have recently bought foreign cars and listening to how great they are treated at their dealerships, anyone would want a foreign car. They have garage hours from 5am -1 pm daily, meaning you can go anytime for an oil change or any work you need done on your car. They provide all sorts of freebies while waiting including coffee, snacks, etc. They treat everyone very nice whenever you are there wheather buying a car, getting an oil change, having warranty work done. So here my mom is looking for a new car. They went to a Dodge dealer and a Ford Dealer and my mom wound up pretty set on a Jeep (I think Patriot) so they went into the office to do some wheeling and dealing. Of course my dad blows his lid over a fee that everyone pays somehow for every car they buy, but he didn't want it on the invoice.. okay whatever. So my mom gets up and leaves and calls the salesman back a few hours later to tell him she left simply becasue my dad was acting like a tard and it wasn't him.. but in the meantime she decided to tell him how uncomfortable she felt there considering his manager was yelling at people out on the sales floor while there were customers standing around watching.. pretty unprofessional. While they were at the Ford dealer, they had a sales manager walk up to them and tell them they were SOOOO busy they didn't even know if they could find someone to help them.. but as soon as they cross the threashold into the showroom they could see the guy was full of shit. Salesmen sat around at their desks barely looking up, playing on line, picking their noses.. whatever. Then when they asked about a 2007 Escape they were told "I doubt we have any, those are too hard to even keep on the lot" UMM YEAH OKAY.. THE AMERICAN CAR COMPANIES ARE REALLY HURTING HUH? HOW ABOUT WORKING ON SOME CUSTOMER SERVICE!!! fuckers. Which is why I take such glee when I actually get a good deal on a car. Forget the fact that regardless, they are still making $ off of me, but I have not fully perfected my talent in this area.. as next time Tim will not be coming with me to pick out a car or he will not be allowed in the office during negiations. He always falls into the cardinal rule holes they set out for him.

Okay.. I have plenty of more theories, however I must share them with you another time.. those are just the 3 I've been thinking about recently.

Kevin, you have me in AWE!

2007-08-27T12:55:00.000-05:00

OKAY.. let me start at the beginning by saying I know NOTHING about Kevin.. absofuckinglutely nothing about this guy.. he went to college with my neighbor Quint, grew up in the Waukegan area, his father is a fire man, he's 6'3" and an engineer... beyond that I know not what type of car he drives, if he's married, has a girlfriend, is a swinger, is gay.. seriously.. I know nothing.. but in the time that I met/spoke with him (maybe 15 minutes) he completely had me in total A W E.. and if you know me, you know not many people can put any type of shock into me. But Kevin is where the buck stops... seriously.. ME UDDERLY SPEACHLESS? Here it is.. he begun a weight loss journey the day after superbowl.. so February 5th (2007) to last Saturday August 18th (2007) he has lost 100lbs! Just decided one day I'm done being 325lbs.. I'm gonna do this. When he told me he hit the 100lb mark just 7 days prior to me meeting him my only question was "did you cry"?? somehow a full busy noisey party got really quiet and waited for his reply and he said "no, it was just something I knew I would do, like graduating college, I was just doing it" WOW WOW WOW. I guess it just goes to show you that the old "attitude" really is mind over matter in cases like this. He went from 325 to 250 and was still losing easily so he just kept at it... when you calculate it out, it's 3-4lbs per week, which really on a 325lb guy isn't really an insane amount of weight.. it's just to do it in 6 months?? Amazing.. just totally amazing.

The BEST ebay auction ever.. other than that wedding dress some guy sold after his wife cheated on him and left...

2007-08-23T10:38:00.000-05:00

I'm selling a bunch of Pokemon cards. Why? Because my kids sneaked them into my shopping cart while at the grocery store and I ended up buying them because I didn't notice they were there until we got home. How could I have possibly not noticed they were in my cart, you ask? Let me explain.

You haven’t lived until you’ve gone grocery shopping with six kids in tow. I would rather swim, covered in bait, through the English Channel, be a contestant on Fear Factor when they’re having pig brains for lunch, or do fourth grade math than to take my six kids to the grocery store. Because I absolutely detest grocery shopping, I tend to put it off as long as possible. There comes a time, however, when you’re peering into your fridge and thinking, ‘Hmmm, what can I make with ketchup, Italian dressing, and half an onion,’ that you decide you cannot avoid going to the grocery store any longer. Before beginning this most treacherous mission, I gather all the kids together and give them “The Lecture“.

“The Lecture“ goes like this…

MOM: “We have to go to the grocery store.”

KIDS: “Whine whine whine whine whine.“

MOM: “Hey, I don’t want to go either, but it’s either that or we’re eating cream of onion-ketchup soup and drinking Italian dressing for dinner tonight.”

KIDS: “Whine whine whine whine whine.“

MOM: “Now here are the rules: do not ask me for anything, do not poke the packages of meat in the butcher section, do not test the laws of physics and try to take out the bottom can in the pyramid shaped display, do not play baseball with oranges in the produce section, and most importantly, do not try to leave your brother at the store. Again.”

OK, the kids have been briefed. Time to go.

Once at the store, we grab not one, but two shopping carts. I wear the baby in a sling and the two little children sit in the carts while I push one cart and my oldest son pushes the other one. My oldest daughter is not allowed to push a cart. Ever. Why? Because the last time I let her push the cart, she smashed into my ankles so many times, my feet had to be amputated by the end of our shopping trip. This is not a good thing. You try running after a toddler with no feet sometime.

At this point, a woman looks at our two carts and asks me, “Are they all yours?” I answer good naturedly, “Yep!

“Oh my, you have your hands full.”

“Yes, I do, but it‘s fun!” I say smiling. I’ve heard all this before. In fact, I hear it every time I go anywhere with my brood.

We begin in the produce section where all these wonderfully, artistically arranged pyramids of fruit stand. There is something so irresistibly appealing about the apple on the bottom of the pile, that a child cannot help but try to touch it. Much like a bug to a zapper, the child is drawn to this piece of fruit. I turn around to the sounds of apples cascading down the display and onto the floor. Like Indiana Jones, there stands my son holding the all-consuming treasure that he just HAD to get and gazing at me with this dumbfounded look as if to say, “Did you see that??? Wow! I never thought that would happen!”

I give the offending child an exasperated sigh and say, “Didn’t I tell you, before we left, that I didn’t want you taking stuff from the bottom of the pile???”

“No. You said that you didn’t want us to take a can from the bottom of the pile. You didn’t say anything about apples.”

With superhuman effort, I resist the urge to send my child to the moon and instead focus on the positive - my child actually listened to me and remembered what I said!!! I make a mental note to be a little more specific the next time I give the kids The Grocery Store Lecture.

A little old man looks at all of us and says, “Are all of those your kids?”

Thinking about the apple incident, I reply, “Nope. They just started following me. I’ve never seen them before in my life.”

OK, now onto the bakery section where everything smells so good, I’m tempted to fill my cart with cookies and call it a day. Being on a perpetual diet, I try to hurry past the assortment of pies, cakes, breads, and pastries that have my children drooling. At this point the chorus of “Can we gets” begins.

“Can we get donuts?”

“No.”

“Can we get cupcakes?”

“No.”

“Can we get muffins?”

“No.”

“Can we get pie?”

“No.”

You’d think they’d catch on by this point, but no, they’re just getting started.

In the bakery, they’re giving away free samples of coffee cake and of course, my kids all take one. The toddler decides he doesn’t like it and proceeds to spit it out in my hand. (That’s what moms do. We put our hands in front of our children’s mouths so they can spit stuff into them. We’d rather carry around a handful of chewed up coffee cake, than to have the child spit it out onto the floor. I’m not sure why this is, but ask any mom and she’ll tell you the same.) Of course, there’s no garbage can around, so I continue shopping one-handed while searching for someplace to dispose of the regurgitated mess in my hand.

In the meat department, a mother with one small baby asks me, “Wow! Are all six yours?”

I answer her, “Yes, but I’m thinking of selling a couple of them.”

(Still searching for a garbage can at this point.)

Ok, after the meat department, my kids’ attention spans are spent. They’re done shopping at this point, but we aren’t even halfway through the store. This is about the time they like to start having shopping cart races. And who may I thank for teaching them this fun pastime? My seventh “child”, also known as my husband. While I’m picking out loaves of bread, the kids are running down the aisle behind the carts in an effort to get us kicked out of the store. I put to stop to that just as my son is about to crash head on into a giant cardboard cut-out of a Keebler elf stacked with packages of cookies.

Ah! Yes! I find a small trash can by the coffee machine in the cereal aisle and finally dump out the squishy contents of my hand. After standing in the cereal aisle for an hour and a half while the kids perused the various cereals, comparing the marshmallow and cheap, plastic toy content of each box, I broke down and let them each pick out a box. At any given time, we have twenty open boxes of cereal in my house.

As this is going on, my toddler is playing Houdini and maneuvering his little body out of the seat belt in an attempt to stand up in the cart. I’m amazed the kid made it to his second birthday without suffering a brain damaging head injury. In between trying to flip himself out of the cart, he sucks on the metal bars of the shopping cart. Mmmm, can you say “influenza”?

The shopping trip continues much like this. I break up fights between the kids now and then and stoop down to pick up items that the toddler has flung out of the cart. I desperately try to get everything on my list without adding too many other goodies to the carts.

Somehow I manage to complete my shopping in under four hours and head for the check-outs where my kids start in on a chorus of, “Can we have candy?” What evil minded person decided it would be a good idea to put a display of candy in the check-out lanes, right at a child’s eye level? Obviously someone who has never been shopping with children.

As I unload the carts, I notice many extra items that my kids have sneaked in the carts unbeknownst to me. I remove a box of Twinkies, a package of cupcakes, a bag of candy, and a can of cat food (we don’t even have a cat!). I somehow missed the box of Pokemon cards however and ended up purchasing them unbeknownst to me. As I pay for my purchases, the clerk looks at me, indicates my kids, and asks, “Are they all yours?”

Frustrated, exhausted from my trip, sick to my stomach from writing out a check for $289.53, dreading unloading all the groceries and putting them away and tired of hearing that question, I look at the clerk and answer her in my most sarcastic voice, “No. They’re not mine. I just go around the neighborhood gathering up kids to take to the grocery store because it’s so much more fun that way.”

So, up for auction is an opened (they ripped open the box on the way home from the store) package of Pokemon cards. There are 44 cards total. They're in perfect condition, as I took them away from the kiddos as soon as we got home from the store. Many of them say "Energy". I tried carrying them around with me, but they didn't work. I definitely didn't have any more energy than usual. One of them is shiny. There are a few creature-like things on many of them. One is called Pupitar. Hee hee hee Pupitar! (Oh no! My kids' sense of humor is rubbing off on me!) Anyway, I don't there's anything special about any of these cards, but I'm very much not an authority on Pokemon cards. I just know that I'm not letting my kids keep these as a reward for their sneakiness.

Shipping is FREE on this item. Insurance is optional, but once I drop the package at the post office, it is no longer my responsibility. For example, if my son decides to pour a bottle of glue into the envelope, or my daughter spills a glass of juice on the package, that’s my responsibility and I will fully refund your money. If, however, I take the envelope to the post office and a disgruntled mail carrier sets fire to it, a pack of wild dogs rip into it, or a mail sorting machine shreds it, it’s out of my hands, so you may want to add insurance. I will leave feedback for you as soon as I’ve received your payment. I will be happy to combine shipping on multiple items won within three days. This comes from a smoke-free, pet-free, child-filled home. Please ask me any questions before placing your bid. Happy bidding! :)

Day 24

2007-08-22T11:07:00.000-05:00

Well it seems that I have not had anything major happen in my life recently to blog about.. so I'll just tell ya what I've been up to. I'm finally back on Weight Watchers full fledged! 24 days and counting.. I'm down 9.4lbs. I started at 161.4 and today I'm at 152 even. We're having dinner at Maggiano's on Thursday for my sisters birthday and I managed to save every flex point from last week for dinner that night! Tim left over the weekend for his brothers bachelor party, sounds like he had a blast. Instead of doing my normal cleaning when he's gone, I said fuck that and decided to just let the days take me... which turned out good and actually busy enough to keep me occupied during my time alone. I don't do well on my own.. definately not. I like to have someone else with me, especially Tim. Instead I wound up spending Friday night with my mom who was also a bachelorette for the weekend. We had a great dinner on the Woodstock square and hung out at her house laughing and talking for an hour or so after that. It was a great night out just the two of us for a change. Thursday night I dropped Tim off then went over to my parents house and spend some time with my dad. I had asked him to help me work on my car so we did that until my mom got home from work.. so I had some time alone with him on Thursday as well doing something my dad loves to do! So that was cool. Saturday.. wow.. where do I start.. this is where time sped up and slowed down depending on the time of day and what I was doing. Saturday morning I woke up and wanted to get out of the house to work out, so I took my bike and rode out to Crystal Lake and back.. around 18 miles total.. then I ate breakfast, played on line.. checked flight tracker to see when my MIL flight was to land (I was picking her up for her stay here for the bridal shower on Sunday) so it was 10:50 she was due to land right at noon and the flight tracker said she was landing at 11:30!! What EARLY?? THAT NEVER HAPPENS.. so I quick jumped in the shower, got out, got dressed, started making a sandwich for lunch and she called! I jumped in the car and was worried about getting to O'hare because there was a Cubs game and the Air/Water show in Chicago that day.. I figured I'd get stuck in traffic.. but once I got on the express way it only took me 20 minutes to get to the airport, pick her up, and get back on the express way. We decided to hit Bed Bath and Beyond on the way back home so we could both get our gifts. They did gift wrapping there, so we didn't even have to wrap the gifts! awesome! :) I dropped her off at Jeff's (she was staying there while he was gone and using his car) and she jetted off to see her parents. Anyway.. I went home hung out the rest of the night watching movies, playing on line, walking my dog, talked on the phone to a few friends, etc.. it was great to just HANG for awhile. Sunday I woke up and got to the gym early.. it was pouring down rain, no bike ride was possible... ran, burned 300 calories and called it quits.. it amazes me whenever there is a man next to me at how many more calories they burn in a little amount of time! The guy next to me was elderly had only been on 25 minutes, was walking under 4mph and had burned over 500 calories! I was so ticked.. whatever.. it is what it is.. it takes me at the least 26 minutes (that's 1/4 mile walking 4mph followed by continuous running) to burn my 300 calories! Insane.. so then I ran home, tried to get Blue to go potty outside.. no go.. took my shower, got ready.. again tried to take Blue out.. it was still raining enough that he wanted nothing to do with being outside. Left picked up Tim's mom and Tim's cousin, drove to the shower, hung out until after 5pm drove back to Jeff's house, unloaded all the gifts, then drove home and then walked the dog! Again another night of playing on line, watching tv, went to bed around 11 until Tim walked in.. talking about his trip, his sunburn, it was itchy.. go get the solarcain, etc.. now it burns.. he jumped in the shower, I told him to take benadryl.. he was up until past 3am itching and definately NOT SLEEPING and keeping me up.. so today Wednesday I'm finally feeling rested again! Insane how one night of staying up throws off a majority of your week! lol!

how to annoy your potty neighbor

2007-08-03T16:58:00.001-05:00

1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh no! My glass eye!"

6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.

15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

16. Say, "Dang, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".

THE POOPIE LIST

2007-08-03T16:52:00.000-05:00

Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the Poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't runie them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie
The kind that happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize you have to poopie some more.

Turtle Poopie
The kind of poopie that pops out a little and goes back in a few times before it finally comes out

Pop-a-Vein-in-your-Forehead-Poopie
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the plunger.

Gas-sy Poopie
The kind where it's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling!

Drinker Poopie
The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Corn Poopie
(Self explanatory)

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poop Poopie
The kind where you want to Poopie, but all you do is it on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie
That's the kind when it hurts so badly coming out, you swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get spashed with water.

Liquid Poopie
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots you of your butt and spashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican Poopie
The kind that smells so bad your nose burns.

Upper Class Poopie
The kind of Poopie that doesn't smell.

The Suprise Poopie
You are not even at the toilet, because you are sure you are about to fart, but, OOPS---a Poopie!

The Dangling Poopie
This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopie-ing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

another bathroom blog!

2007-08-03T16:46:00.000-05:00

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.

Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, however, because the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!

The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.

You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly, drape it around your neck because Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!

Finally, you yank down your pan ts, and as sume " The Stance." In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.

You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than the palm of your hand.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around yo ur neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor. Now you lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.

It is wet, of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper, not that there was any.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew. You're certain that her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, Frankly, dear, you just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl. Of course, that sprays a fine mist of water on your butt, which then runs down your legs and into your shoes.

The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in, too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.

You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you find in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?? ) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.

It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

american kids VS italian kids

2007-07-31T09:38:00.001-05:00

American Kids: Move out when they're 18 with the full
support of their parents.
Italian Kids: Move out when they're 28, having saved
for that nice house and are a week away from getting
married .... Unless there's room in the basement for
the newlyweds.

American Kids: When their Mom visits them she brings a
nice bundt cake and you sip coffee and chat.
Italian Kids: When their Mom visits them she brings 3
days worth of food and begins to immediately tidy up,
dust, do the laundry or rearrange the furniture.

American Kids: Their dads always call before they come
over to visit them and its usually only on special occasions.
Italian Kids: Are not at all fazed when their dads
come over, unannounced, on a Saturday morning
at 8:00 and starts pruning the fruit trees. And
if there are no fruit trees, he will plant some!

American Parents: You c an leave your kids with them
and you always worry if everything is going to be ok
plus you have to feed them after you pick them up.
Italian Parents: No problem, leave your kids there and
if they get out of line your parents
can set them straight .... plus they get fed.

American Kids: Always pay retail and look in the
yellow pages when they need something done.
Italian Kids: Just call their dad or uncle and ask for
another dad's or uncle's phone number to get it done ....
cash deal, knowwhatImean?

American Kids: Will come over for cake and coffee and
get only cake and coffee, no more.
Italian Kids: Will come over for cake and coffee and
get antipasto, a few bottles of wine, a pasta dish,
a choice of two meats, salad, bread, potatoes, a nice
dessert cake, fruit, coffee and a few after dinner
drinks .... time permitting there will be a late lunch as well.

American Kids: Think that being Italian is a greatthing,
Italian Kids: Know that being Italian is a great
thing,

American Kids: Never ask the reason you have no food.
Italian Kids: Are the reason you have no food.

American Kids: Will say 'hello".
Italian Kids: Will give you a big hug and a kiss,
pinch your cheeks, and pat you on the back.

American Kids: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
Italian Kids: Call your parents Mom and Dad.

American Kids: Have never seen you cry.
Italian Kids: Cry with you.

American Kids: Will eat at your dinner table and
leave.
Italian Kids: Will spend hours there, talking,
laughing and just being together.

American Kids: Borrow your stuff for a few days then
give it back.
Italian Kids: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's
yours.

American Kids: Know a few things about you.
Italian Kids: Could write a book with direct quotes
from you.

American Kids: Will leave you behind if that's what
the cr owd is doing.
Italian Kids: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that
left you.

American Kids: Would knock on your door.
Italian Kids: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

American Kids: Are for a while.
Italian Kids: Are for life.

American Kids: Will ignore this.
Italian Kids: Will forward this.

Politically corrrect ~ LOL

2007-07-30T10:07:00.000-05:00

In these times where political correctness is an everyday noun and the fear
of
being offensive has softened our language to the point of making it nearly
superfluous – this is a refreshing reminder that a sense of humor always
prevails over stupidity…

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America ,
Kentuckians,
Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "
HILLBILLIES."

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT :

1 She is not a "BABE" or a " CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not "EASY" - She is " HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a " LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE
INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a" PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

5 She does not "NAG" you - She becomes " VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a " LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT :

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a " LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE
FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is " OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He " INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in " FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "
RECTAL-CRANIAL
INVERSION."

6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's " REAR
CLEAVAGE."

FINALLY made it up the grassy knoll!

2007-07-24T10:40:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to make it up this grassy hill at the back of our park in our subdivision for YEARS! I could never make it.. well... I'm not one to ever switch gears on my bike and finally even newbie bikers are making up this hill and I'm seriously like WTF!!!! So I figured there *must* be a trick to it, as there is.. those darn gears really do help! lol! I never take it out of 3-7 the highest gear for any reason.. even the Hill Of Death or HOD as we lovingly call it... so I finally started messing around and put it in 1-7 last night.. yeah no go.. made it farther than I ever have and then slipped and actually fell off my bike.. but another couple people decided to ride back down and try it again.. so I was off and determined.. 2nd try I put it in 1-1 and that didn't work because I was laughing my arse off at another guy who was slapping my husband on the ass as he rode PAST him on the hill.. not an easy feat mind ya! So again I rode down VERY DETERMINED to kill this hill! Another neighbor girl yelled "try 1-3" sure enough 1-3 worked like a charm! It wasn't that bad, almost easy! lol!

So Tim is trying to push me forward in life, I'm feeling.. yesterday he was the one who opted for a bike ride rather than just letting me go to the gym by myself to run off lifes frusterations.. which I've badly needed since Thursday night.. and then today we booked our trip to Punta Cana 7 nights/8days/all inclusive.. sun fun drinks food beach.. me and tim.. just us.. we need it.. and at only $631 I couldn't pass it up.. we even upgraded for $90 to a suite with a jacuzzi and what not! Great deal. I'm pretty happy and now have *something* to look forward to.

I talked to Dan briefly yesterday afternoon and he said he was doing pretty well considering.. actually worked yesterday and got his mind off it for a bit.. which I think it good. I wish I had blogs from when Nicole/Jade died so I could remember all my steps although I'm thinking I just pushed forward with work.. we were busy then.. 90 hour weeks were not uncommon..

totally numb

2007-07-23T09:50:00.001-05:00

just numb.. my world is hazzy... an email I got today that actually made me smirk a bit....

The 36 Rules of Life
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a
garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. A person, who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist
change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks
before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real
world.
25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
26. If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve its full potential, that word would
be "meetings."
27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.
35. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside
we ALL believe we are above average drivers.
36. Your friends love you anyway.

may the band aids be made of kevlar

2007-07-22T22:46:00.000-05:00

I just returned from what will be documented as an experience I won't soon be forgetting... Wil and Dan were like soul brothers.. buttheads, stooges, if you will.. buds to the end, the shock of Wil's death has shook us to the core.. and there is nothing like sitting next to someone watching them let go of that person they held so dear, so many memories... I actually felt Dan's heart break as I sat next to him.. his body shook in silence, his sobs came out in heavy breaths.. and my heart broke as I sat helpless to mend the wounds that will now carry him forward into his lifetime alone without his soul brother. An amazing event in my life, I've never experienced something so unique as I did today. I'm sorry, but I gotta say the GAY COMMUNITY ROCKS EVEN WAKES AND FUNERAL SERVICES! lol! seriously... ever been to a funeral service that had singing.. GOOD SINGING at that? no hymns or bible music.. West Side Story, Janet Jackson, Cyndi Lauper, Wicked, you name it.. they sang it.. and people spoke VOLUMES about Wil, his life, the funny things he did and said.. and everybody all mentioned his personality that filled a room, a hall, a town, every person he touched who knows how the guy had the time to do what he did on earth.. it's not a wonder he died as early as he did in life.. the room was like a warm hug enveloping you in.. I didn't dare want to leave it at the end when everyone was filling out to go party afterwards.. but Dan was not a part of that life with Wil.. he was to a point.. but not enough to go party with them.. he just wasn't in the mood.. instead we headed over to a different restaurant and talked about our own stories of Wil.. how we met him.. what he was like to us.. his daring personality.. just a huge spirit bottled in a tiny little body.. it's no wonder he was always bursting at the seems.. it's almost surreal to look at pictures of him alive now.. I actually thought as I looked of pics of him today "he was breathing in that picture" picture after picture lining Dan's mom's walls of Dan & Wil together in musicals, hanging at the apartment, graduation pics, etc... and then came Dylan.. the 3rd the completion of the stooges.. they took him on as part of the brotherhood.. and NOW I find out that Wil & his beautiful successful husband Rich were planning to adopt a child.. how I would have loved to part of that for them.. and my heart breaks for Rich who will move forward alone.. sleeping alone, living alone, making dinner alone, taking care of everything alone.. and I guess for him it was better to have loved than not loved at all because he had the minutes counted from the day he first layed eyes on Wil and started stalking him to today... 8 years... I just can't even begin to imagine Tim just being gone one day.. how would I move forward? how? I don't think I could handle that.. To you WIL, wherever and everywhere you are, a toast to your life, a toast to the others who loved you, a toast to the hearts that broke over your death.. may the bandaids be made of kevlar cuz the duct tape I slapped on my heart this morning in preperation for the service today has busted through and my heart is weeping for the world to hear...

hmmmm IS Tammy Faye #3?

2007-07-22T09:06:00.000-05:00

I questioned my mom on #3 and she said that a neighbor of ours in AZ actually lost her 47 yo son this week to a heart attack.. another young life lost... well.. Tammy Faye Baker died just 24 hours after Wil... THANK GOD! MAYBE WIL CAN FINALLY SHOW THAT BROAD HOW TO APPLY MAKE UP, GET TO WORK WIL!

an email from my aunt Kathie regarding GrandPAWS death...

2007-07-22T09:05:00.000-05:00

Friday was so weird.. Finished some more chores but not all of them. some
will have to wait until monday. Dad had started calling me every morning.
He would have the nurse dial our number and there he was. Just asking how
my day was, what was I doing, ken., and please bring watermelon or root
beer...when we come in the evening. the phone doesn't ring about 10am now

We would go and see him after ken would get home from work and Ken would
feed him dinner. He was eating up to 85% of his dinner and keeping it down.
He started making jokes about the food.. it was pureed.. the texture,
taste, he was getting his humor back.

The activities director came in and asked ?? about his likes etc.. he told
her music.. dixieland, hawaiian, etc.. they were going to get him up and
take him to the entertainment the next time.

The week before he fell and broke his hip, we know this as we just got the
bill, he took the trip from Brighton Gardens to Lake Geneva.. the bus up,
lunch and i do think it included a boat ride around the lake. Now getting
there the bus driver got lost and Dad told them how to get there. He still
was the director of driving. (When Ken and I were looking for Rachel's
family chapel near johnsburg.. dad knew the exact roads and the curves and
the hills. he lead us straight to the place. he could not see the road
signs etc but still could direct.)

Trying to get him to eat better and do his exercises... wasn't easy for us
or the staff.. he was cantankerous. As we started looking for a place for
him to be transferred to after the 100 days medicare will allow in rehab...
we went to Brighton Gardens to give them a 30 day notice and Desma said why
leave. They showed us a room on the first floor that would be a perfect
size for him with his needs and they had a small group of people in the wing
and the staff would feed himself needed and PT came there to BG and staff
would ck on him every hour and if he was up to it he could go back to the
main area for entertainment and meals if he could feed himself. We came
back and told him he was going back to BG when he was done at Lexington. He
just smiled and that was the first day he ate most of his dinner.

It was not to be. He just slipped away. Life became just to difficult at
the end. His eyesight was completely gone now. His teeth didn't fit.. tho
he was scheduled for the dentist to reline them and solid foods were next,
it was so much energy just to sit up with help from two staffers. Though he
did try to help by holding onto the rail. the daily exercises would put him
in a lot of pain, then pain meds and then long naps.

He did enjoy his daily phone call from his brother Bob. Uncle Bob figured
out about what time Ken and I were there and would call then. As the phone
was on the stand and Dad could not reach it. But even if we put it in the
bed, Dad had a hard time figuring out the ear/mouthpiece and how to hang
up.. Ken would bring uncle Bob up to date on Dad and then give Dad the
phone.
I told Dad that the next week, he and I would work on him learning the phone
so we could have it on the tray or even in bed so he could answer it. That,
the dentist and the haircut was not to be.

I guess I am writing this more for me than you. I needed to do this.
Closure at watching the EMT's give him CPR is not the picture I want to
keep. Or cleaning out his room after he vacated the room.. (we had 4 hours
to have some one come get him and clean out his room)
Chris and Dan came up from southern Illinois so Thurs ken and i and the boys
cleaned out Brighton Gardens. Guess it is good we still have the condo.
put his things in the main garage.

Sharon and I wrote the obit and it was in the Daily Herald and Tribune
yesterday. It can still be read online and an online guest book is still
available. Dailyhearald.com or tribune.com and search by the date july 13.

Well this is long and it is time for some chores. See some of you soon,
others at the service on August 11 and others later. Take care
Kathie

take two?

2007-07-21T19:39:00.000-05:00

and so I've become the "quirkinator"... basically I'm the guinea pig working out the quirks on the Porsche until we take it down to AZ in October! lol! Okay that was my excuse to my dad today as I drove off yet again with his Porsche squealing down the street sideways! teee-heee.. hey it was actually LUCKY the thing blew up at my house at 2am! At the very least I wasn't in Snake River Canyon at 2am in the middle of the dessert winding through narrow roads with no guard rails miles above the bottom of the canyon floor... the infamous "where's the edge of the road, oh shit there it is" echoing through the car as everyone white knuckles it even in their sleep days later... the 2-3 day trek across the states in a mad dash to just get there.. my uncle the hero of them all.. taking it all in without stopping.. fucking amazing.. not sure how he did it.. never fell asleep... never heard about many tickets either... flat dessert roads stretched out before you.. just miles and miles.. ahhh haaa wait a minute.. Snake River Canyon at 2 am.. hey that might actually be fun with the Porsche ****mischievous laugh**** maybe we should attempt to hit it at that time.. that car has so many freakin lights.. head lights, fog lights, high beams, parking lights plus high speed driving lights.. we'll just hit every fucking light button in the thing and light up the dessert.. fucking government doesn't have shit on us.. we'll light up the sky blazing through... even if it does take blowing up the Porsche to do so! ha!

Well anyway.. Tim and I had a fantastic day (and it's not over yet) went to Woodstock to the Farmers Market.. made me realize just how much I love small towns.. I actually walked up to a woman and grabbed her hand and told her how beautiful her engagement ring was.. and it wasn't weird.. she thought it was completely normal.. I apologized later for touching/grabbing her and she laughed and said it was totally fine.. then an hour later I ran into a woman I met at Huntley Vet not a month ago.. I kept telling her "I know you" and she said the same I walked the square again telling Tim every 2 minutes.. I know that fucking lady, who the fuck is she? I had a long conversation with her.. ahhhh haa I met her at the vet! lol! We had lunch at this pub type place that had a lunch buffett.. mostly salad/soup but some main dish items that weren't bad.. took in the Dick Tracey museum.. pretty cool actually.. had no idea that Chester Gould was from the area.. who knew.. funny how that works.. went to my parents house, wal-mart, got some house work done..

talked to Dylan today.. he's actually doing pretty darn well considering the events in his life and everyone making sure he understands Wil's lifestyle, what he will see tomorrow at the wake... he's 13 and my son.. he knows all.. I hide nothing of the world from him.

Not looking forward to tomorrow, however, I am all in the same time.. I'm still not understanding the big plan on this one.. there was a great article in the paper about Wil.. Rich actually got a few really great quotes published telling the world that Wil was the love of his life.. naming Rich as Wil's partner finally the world is coming around.. this in itself is huge.. Wil you are making a statement to the world through your death.

for once Monday can't come fast enough...

2007-07-20T09:08:00.000-05:00

Yesterday afternoon I sat at my work desk contemplating the 2 days stretched ahead of me with glorious NO PLANS! It's amazing... the first weekend in MONTHS we have nothing planned.. so of course we planned little things, going to the Farmers Market, going to Ed's to work on our computers & new lap top, etc.. Friday night we did have plans but those fell through.. now with the news my weekend has suddenely filled with hours and hours of not even knowing what to do with myself.. I'm trying to get the word out that Wil has died so as many people as possible can attend his memorial services and/or wake/viewing... Friday night like this I know I can't wait for Monday so I can just get back to the grind and think later... and again.. for once, Monday can't come fast enough...

they happen in 3zzz so I'll wait here for #3... waiting...

2007-07-19T20:45:00.000-05:00

How is it that these things happen in 3's.. the beginning of the week I found out my cousins grandpa died... a person who was the center of our family... every family function he was there, even my housewarming he came.. I wasn't even his family but he played an important roll in my life especially around holidays and at family events... he always called me shortcake or beautiful even in the days that I was fat and felt fat, he could always perk me up with his pazzazz for life.. but then again today tonight just now actually the phone rings again.. and here we are the Palatine Curse rising again... the caller ID read Dan.. Dan is my son's father, someone I still feel very close to, we share a very important relationship and bond.. so I figure he's calling me regarding anything to do with my son.. but he asks this time "what are you doing" I'm eating dinner.. what's up.. my chipper answer.. and then he starts bawling over the phone.. at first I was confused thinking his father had died.. but then he is talking about Wil's mom.. WHAT ABOUT WILL??? "he's gone" WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? I don't get it.. I'm totally confused, I'm mad at God, and I'm actually speechless. why? why? why? Dan and I have now completed the circle of our bond.. BOTH of our best friends from grade school are dead.. our friends who we've shared thick and thin with.. they are gone.. and both at the hands of the person whom should have loved them the most.. I don't get it.. I don't.. I'm totally lost.

beware: my cousins went to Palatine as well.. so yes the phone will ring again and what Palatine Curse will it be this time... I'm waiting.

sometimes SEX just happens....

2007-07-17T09:03:00.000-05:00

umm okay.. a line I heard on the radio this morning on my way to work.. after having been married for 9 years now I have to say that THAT line is true... however, the woman was speaking of extramarrital affairs.. so in THAT case.. I'm not so sure.. why are you putting yourself in any type of situtation that might even allow for sex to happen when you are married? Then she went on to explain how there is a difference between love and sex (I agree) and that the sex outside of her marriage is what helped her see that she wanted to stay with her husband forever etc. Yeah I'VE PERSONALLY heard this line before, and it's funny.. I married the bastard who used it on me.. insane right? I agree... okay.. so that brings us to many many other topics, but the main topic of this radio discussion was actually how many partners studies have show people have before marriage... they say 12 is the magic number to finding true sexual compatitbilitiy... hmmm 12 huh? I didn't have 12, TIM sure didn't have even half the number I had and yet we are married.. but yes it's true.. we are hardly compatable at all in ANY AREA but we love each other and have MADE our marriage work. So now my question is, what areas of compatability of historically a necessity in marriage for them to be successful? And as far as sleeping with 12 different people before marriage, how does that constitute AHH I FOUND THE PERFECT LOVEAHHHHH SO WE'RE GETTING MARRIED AND WILL BE HAPPY FOREVER? Can I ask? Dare I ask? As I said, Tim and I are not sexually compatable on any level whatsoever BUT I am in love with him.... so really do studies and people who do these studies see my marriage as a fraud or not healthy simply because we aren't compatable in really any area?

my 10,000 post on SSL website..

2007-07-13T15:47:00.000-05:00

Friday the 13th.. what an appropriate time to post my 10,000th post.. is this good luck or bad.. or is it just all a state of mind… anyway.. for my 10,000th post as this Saturday will be dedicated to the main reason I wrote my story to Edy’s telling them what a wonderful neighborhood I live in and why I love living here so much.. I have to be 100% honest here in first saying I have no clue as to what exactly I wrote in that essay, but apparently between Erika and myself we made a big enough impact to both be winners in that contest… I’m sure everyone else who entered had very similar comments to make about Silverstone Lake as a whole and everyone one HERE on this website are what make this subdivision such a great place.. secondly (my 100% honest comments) I really really really do not like our house. I don’t.. not at all.. I miss our old sprawling 3,000 square foot home with a 4 car garage that spoiled the first 4 years of our marriage.. something I’ll probably never again retain in my lifetime.. but as much as I miss the HOUSE I don’t miss the constant traffic, the lack of yard space, the fact that the neighborhood in itself just was not safe… I now take comfort in the fact that if my dog gets loose I’ll have umpteen neighbors out on the hunt for him helping me in the matter of minutes with a few simple phone calls, the fact that if my husband is out of town and I’m sleeping in my home alone I have 2 ex military men one living on the other side of the wall from me and the other 100 feet directly across the street again both an easy phone call away and both always willing to help in any situation amongst many other neighbors I could call and have help in multiple type situations in a flash… I also take comfort knowing that while some people don’t even know I own a cat when she has gotten loose for 3+ days at a time even those neighbors who like I said didn’t know she existed actually dropped what they were doing and helped me look for her. I love the fact that if my husband wants to host a poker game even though we own not one table and very few folding chairs, somehow we can manage to scrounge up 6-8 tables and 40 chairs in a matter of minutes, if I need a cup of sugar, milk, eggs, vanilla, flour, brown sugar, chocolate chips or all of the above I can walk less than 100 feet and get them from a friendly neighbor who never asks for me to replace these things because they were just happy to help… that my 13 year old son has run of the neighborhood and really, I never need to worry even if it’s dark.. he’ll be home eventually.. and if I really need him I can ask whomever is outside and I normally find someone who saw him riding this way or that.. The friendships that I have made here within the confines of our almost little town within a town are some that I am sure will last a lifetime.. even when Tim and I move on with our lives and move out of Silverstone or others who have moved on we will always be linked to SSL in some manner. Tim and I take pride in being one of the first couples to build and live here in SSL, remembering the days we used to take walks up to Marble, Slate, and Limestone when those streets didn’t even exist, we watched the neighborhood grow and have met many neighbors whom we both value as people we’ve come to befriend and even better we’ve come to trust. To every example I’ve written I can think of a hundred other reasons I love SSL as much as I do and could go on and on… so to everyone out there in SSL land, thanks for being you! xoxo

great night for a ride

2007-07-11T21:14:00.000-05:00

ahh tried to drum up some interest in a bike ride tonight with people from the hood.. no bites.. sucks.. but cool at the same time. wound up biking just the two of us up to Crystal Lake DQ got a slushie and came back home.. it was so beautiful riding up there and back.. and I can not express just how much I truely love summer.. the full green trees, brush, grass, plants... everything blooming and as you ride you get wiffs of different scents through the trees.. sometimes a bon fire, sometimes flowers or berries... sometimes just clean fresh crisp air.. and today was just so perfect.. the sky the most perfect blue, the most perfect sunshine, white puffy clouds, a nice cool breeze.. the temp at the highest around 77 today... just gorgeous.. this is the day, this is the reason, this is it for me.. the best days of life.. even though I spent a majority of the day cooped up in my office, I get the chance to be free for just a few minutes of time, my thoughts a million miles away not even paying attention to the fact that I'm working my ass off up hill all the way up to Crystal Lake.. but the easy down hill ride all the way home had me totally silent not even trying to keep conversation going.. just too exhausting, and such a great time to think about life.. what's going on here... so there it was after the hill of death, the question looming between Tim & I.. of course my answer only returned with him laughing... ughh yes.. 20 years from now.. maybe 40 years from now can we stay in good enough shape to be able to ride like we do today 18 miles easily in our retirement.. I told him how much I loved the green, the trees full, the blue sky.. and he comments on our plans to move to Arizona sooner than later, eventually we know we will retire to Arizona but how soon we can get there before retirement is the looming question between us.. I can move at any time, just put in for the transfer, sell the house, let's go... he comments on the colors there versus here.. can we do the 6 months back and forth... no answer.. I guess I have 40 years to find out... and again.. there is a plan, sometimes we don't know why things happen and years later we look back and see why... just wondering what it is that is keeping us here... I hate snow, driving in it, hearing about it.. the bitter cold.. my dog hates it.. I don't blame him.. the most weight he's ever held is 5.5lbs and no fur. the fact that winter keeps me from a majority of outdoor activities... Julie did try to get me to try snow shoeing last year or was it cross country skiing?? Either way.. never got any gear to try.. sledding even suck.. I always get hurt doing stupid shit like that.. or is it a control issue for me? not sure. Either way I'm rambling... life is good today.

ahhhh freaking you have to tab over to the title box

2007-07-09T16:29:00.000-05:00

geez.. stupid thing

2007-07-09T09:24:00.000-05:00

why can't I post a title for this?? OMG WHAT A WEEKEND.. SERIOUSLY.. Sooooooo here we go... I didn't really touch base on my anniversary dinner last week.. it was sooo yummy.. we had so much fun.. but I'll never again buy a drink there because I was PLASTERED by the 3rd sip! Insanity! anyway.. we were sooo full.. I seriously have never seen Tim eat that much.. he kept stopping the rib man and eventually the guy would come straight to our table and drop off 3-6 ribs at a time for him! lol!

Okay so 4th of July was really relaxing just hanging out at home, watching tv, went to my parents house for dinner, grabbed the Porsche drove home.. that's it. I told you guys about the 5th at Applebees.. that was great.. Friday night the 6th I kept asking Tim WTF he wanted to do and he never responded so I made a crazy chicken cassarole and we did laundry and watched tv! lol! oh well.. Then the good stuff started.. between Friday night and Saturday I started bleeding at an unbelieveable 7 month long period horror movie rate. I was not happy to say the least. We had 3 parties to attend the next day, one of them being a pool party I had bought an $80 suit to attend.. yeah.. anyway.. so Saturday I got up early, took Sidney to the vet, came back and tried to relax and started my ibuprofen therapy.... eventually got up and called Cathy to let her know I didn't know if I would be making the party if so for how long etc.. Eventually got my arse up, showered, we got in the car and made our way to Long Grove for the first event.. Tom Kaiders birthday party! WOOT! Got a chance to talk with his mom some (she totally amazing), meet a few of his others friends, and eventually Lisa showed up.. then on to the next party.. drove towards home, had to buy beer, food for the party, then go home let the dog out, grab our suites, etc.. anyway.. got to Cathy's pool bbq party around 6:30 ish.. soon the sun was down and we were just sitting around bsing, eating, etc.. it was a fun night.. decided to get going once Tim was out of beer and I was getting tired, needed to take the dog out etc.. so we head home pull the Porsche into the garage and head next door for party number 3... hang out for a bit an hour later I decided to go inside to put some stuff away from earlier in the day etc.. I walk in my back door and my house REEKS of gas.. oooohhh shit.. so I go in the garage open the garage door, turn on all the light and start inspecting the Porsche.. get in it.. hmm just put in 8 gallons at 6pm and didn't over fill it so what's the deal? Finally I look behind and under the Porsche HUGE puddle of gas! ughhh kill me.. I get a few neighbors to come look at it and we decide to move it out to the driveway so my house doesn't reek... so eventually I call my dad.. it's not 2 am and I wake them up and both my parents are in a panic until they realize I just need help with the car and the car is okay.. I just didn't know what to do.. my dad says stick a bucket under it, lock it, we'll worry about it in the morning.. okay.. so I take my nightly doeses of vitamins and allergy pills, start playing on line and a half hour later my dad calls and says "I'm up and worried now, drive the car over here I'll drive you back home" umm okay.. I have exactly 45 minutes until my drugs take effect and I fall dead asleep.. I gotta move fast.. I wake Tim up, tell him I'm leaving, and walk out of the house.. and who the fuck would be out in front of my house at 2 am... ohhhh but yes the tow truck driver.. fuckin tard.. move your ass so I can leave.. so I leave, it takes me exactly 18 minutes to make it up to Woodstock driving 70 mph a majority of the way, passing cops, no seat belt and no radio fearing the car would blow up! lol! I had every light on that dang car on too.. not sure why just decided to hit them all on the way out of the hood! I think I lit up the road pretty darn good.. anyway.. I get to my parents, they drive me home.. I go to bed around 4am all is well.. wake up at 8:30 thinking what the fuck.. I just fell asleep.. take the dog out and get some breakfast.. eventually I get my arse moving.. time to get ready to go to Fox Lake to meet the WW girls! YIPPPEEEE! I get dressed, reluctantly get in my car and drive up to Fox Lake.. gleefully realizing on the way there that I know exactly where this place is at in fact I was near there not long ago! Very cool.. I find the place.. a mexican restaurant right on the lake! Really fun place! Meet up with the girls a few minutes after 2.. not too bad on time.. hang out, get to know them a bit! Had so much fun! While I was there Tim calls me and says "where is the Porsche" ummm I TOOK THE EFFIN THING BACK TO MY PARENTS LAST NIGHT! I WOKE YOUR ASS UP.. HELLO! He had no recollection.. ughh men! So after the lunch I decide to drive out to my parents to pick up his darn wallet.. hung out there for a bit, finally drove home, walked the dog, played on line, downloaded my pics from the weekend.. emailed them.. went out to dinner at CiCi's yum came home and fell into a dead sleep! lol! that was my weekend my friends.. but to top it off.. of course it can't end there.. my vet just called me.. it turns out my cat has hyperthyroid and needs meds for the rest of her life or surgery! fucking wonderful.. happy Monday to me... ughhh.. I need a vacationI hope these pics work because I can't put a title to this post on and the pics are x's right now.. fuck.. have a good week! lol!

a night to remember...

2007-07-06T12:08:00.000-05:00

so there it is.. we planned, we emailed, we texted, we called each other, hours and hours of back and forth and finally here we all were face to face.. Tom, Lisa, Adam, Cathy, Matt P, Matt W, Maggie, Liz, Dennis, GOOCH, omg the memories just started coming out.. the dumb stories, etc.. it was really great to see everyone again.. we met at for dinner/drinks/whatever at Applebees and had such a great time! And again this weekend Tom and Cathy are both having parties so again we'll be face to face joking and laughing together. ahhh it's funny to finally figure out just how much you've missed people who have been absent from your life for so many years... amazing...

another Monday?

2007-07-05T15:15:00.000-05:00

having a day off in the middle of the week blows donkey balls...

WARNING! STAY OFF THE SIDEWALKS

2007-07-04T22:01:00.000-05:00

LMAO.. yupppers.. my dad rolled it out... yippee for me! the idiot won't drive the fucking thing he wanted for 45 years of his freakin life... more power to me! I getta drive it and he could care less! anyway.. it's a sweet sorrow considering the car only likes me and of course we're taking it down to our house in Arizona this October.. SIGH parting will be such sweet sorrow.. I can only start planning more time at our 2nd home with the car I love so much.. funny how that works.. well eventually I know we'll be in AZ full time.. only a matter of time.. yeah and Dylan can you hurry this high school thing up so I can move our asses down to AZ and you can go to ASU? But you can only live on McClintock and Broadway with all the strippers!

ahhh new/old song I'm bringing out that I love love love..
it's on my new song list I finally broke down and put on my myspace.. I've been using it on my freewebs accounts, but not here.. I liked a few other mp3 players that other people use on myspace but one actually shut down my myspace when I loaded it! ughhh
anyway.. check out Craig David 7 days.. sexay ass song!

Happy 9th Anniversary Timmy....

2007-07-03T12:58:00.000-05:00

so here we are.. July 3, 2007 our 9th anniversary... and you've heard all about our 2 years of Sybaris extravaganzas but sorry.. this year.. it's pretty darn clean! lol! We're hitting Texas De Brazil for dinner YUMMMMOOOO then hitting the movie theater to see a movie! Gosh, I don't remember what we did last year for our anniversary! lol! oh well.. I guess we're at that boring part of our marriage where we don't buy each other anything.. we just go someplace yummy to eat and hang out just the two of us.. it's cool that the rest of the states are celebrating WITH us, the eve of July 4th usually is filled with fireworks, bbqs, etc.

Hit a Cubs game on Sunday! Yippee!! a 3 hour car/train ride into Wrigley for a 2 hour 8 minute game.. the shortest game of the season (so far)... to turn around and hit another 3 hour train/car ride home.. not fun... Leif had an allergic reaction to some sunblock I gave him that had aloe vera in it.. he had a sun burn and that was all I had.. a trip to nurse/infirmery whatever you wanna call it.. and a $20 trip to 7-11 to not be able to gain re-entrance to Wrigley to even pee LATER we got back on the train and started our trip home.. by the time we stopped to eat and got home it was 8pm! We left at 10:30 in the morning.... OHHH and the Cubbies won!

What else? Tim's brother moved into his condo he closed on last week on Saturday.. he's almost totally moved in.. and then another couple months and Kimberly will be moving in..

Julie had her annual bbq over the weekend as well.. what a blast.. great party, great people, great food, great booze.. you name it it was there! Slip and Slide extrodinare.. of course Dylan was really sore the next day after taking about a billon turns hitting the dirt!

So tomorrow we really have nothing going on.. just going to my parents to eat and hang out.. so that's fine.. nice relaxing not much to do day off.. in the middle of the week.. that sucks.. thank god for leap year.. I think it's 2008 so next year Friday we'll have off for July 4th.. YIPPEE!

watching him independent

2007-06-24T20:42:00.000-05:00

so here it is... my nephew Sam's birthday party last week Wednesday... he has it with 20 other kids from school, my son, of course his brother and a few of his brothers friends, my cousin Heather & her three kids, my aunt Kathie and her two step grandchildren Harley & Nova, my parents, my husband & I, Mike (Sam's dad) and partridge in a pear tree.. so 9 year olds right... okay they are so obnoxious.. I seriously do not remember being so obnoxiously loud that I rendered my aunt deaf and sent her and her 4 month old daughter while attached to the tit running for quieter corners of Laser Extreme. Seriously.. but in the midst of it all I got another chance to stop time again only for a brief moment. I entered the "briefing" room where there is glass that you can watch as the kids play their game. They were in the midst of their final game before going home, it was big kids against little kids.. so basically 20 9 year olds against Mike, Tim, Leif, Dylan, AJ, Jason, umm yeah that's it.. and of course they were creaming the fuck out of the 9 year olds.. they were on the side where there were way more places to hide and guard your body and of course they were bigger, older, and have better aim.. the game is at like 600 to 240 and I'm watching as Leif is standing 6 foot 1 inch able to look over the tall walls that surround him... and it brought me back to the day he was born.. I'm standing in the hallway outside the Labor and Delivery ward the leads to the nursery and the nurse comes out carrying Leif.. my very first glimpse of him.. I can remember it as if it just happend 5 minutes ago, I can still smell the hospital, the smell of his fresh little head, the look of his yellow/orange/brown jaundice skin, the way he looked wrapped tightly in a blanket, the sound of the nurses voice as she softly said "okay, just for a few seconds" as she looked at my pleading eyes to allow me to meet Leif for the first time... his little fingers immediately curled around my finger and he even managed to open his eyes for just a second to reveal my eyes starring back at me... it was like we knew. I watched as the nurse swept past me just a second later, clicking the code to get into the nursey letting the door shut behind her with a click.. over to the window to keep watch on him they flipped him around like a chicken measuring him head to toe, washing him, rewrapping him and from there.. I have no recollection of anything else happening after that on that day. Just that blip in time that I stopped long enough to smell the roses and really etch everything into my memory.. something I'll never forget. And so goes the cycle of life.. unfortunately.. he is now 15, tall and very slender, his hair perfectly in style, he's got all the gadgets a 15 year old could ever want.. every game, every luxary, yup he's spoiled and I miss the days when I was his hero when he called me Sissy and ran for me.. his big blue eyes framed by beautiful thick eyelashes.. ahhhh yes, I'm pretty damn lucky.

the end of the rainbow

2007-06-19T11:23:00.001-05:00

soooo after removing the evil IUD I decided that gaining 26lbs in 2 months and not being able to ever get my weight back down, I better try to jump start my body into detoxing. I recieved a gift certificate for my 30th birthday from a neighbor I helped out when she got her puppy Nala... anyway.. So the gift cert was a good enough chunk of change for me to go to this spa and get two different services.. I chose a 60 minute massage and a herbal body wrap. I was hoping that between the two it might help my body realize it needs to get rid of all the "ickys" so to speak.. so I called the spa and asked about 40 zillion questions and the girl was more than willing to set up the services to help me figure out the best attack for my buck! Anyway.. so it was all set up, time set, etc.. then I find out yesterday morning it wasn't at the location I thought. I had thought I was calling their spa that is close to my work.. of course not.. but as luck would have it, we were slow at work so I left 5 minutes early and got some directions that took me down back roads to avoid traffic.. and it worked like a charm! Got there with plenty of time to spare... anyway.. I walk in and they bring me to a locker room and gave me a locker with a key, a robe and showed me where to change and then showed me a room to come to when I was ready. The room was called the relaxation room and it was this room that was really dark, almost like a sauna warm with wood slatt walls, then there was this bench.. the bench was concrete and the room was octagon and it went all the way around the room.. the bench was shaped to the curves the body and it was HEATED! total heaven.. in the middle of the room was a glass table that was also a water fountain with rocks and candles.. first I filled out some basic paper work then into the massage.. I asked for Lavendar essential oil to be used and it was a great massage although I'm really used to my sports/deep tissue massages and after the massage lady told me that my ham strings are extremly tight and she didn't want to work on them long because she didn't feel I was letting go.. strange.. my other massage ladies like me because I'm normally like puddy for them! lol! anyway.. then back to the relaxation room with some water etc. Then the second lady came and got me for the body wrap.. OMG kill me... she first rubbed down my arms/legs a loofah kind of thing that were gloves, then she rubbed me down with more essential oil, then she had me stand up and put burning hot towels down on the table, then had me lay down, more hot towels over me, then wrapped me from underneath the table in basically foil. I looked like left overs.. then while I was sitting in that she gave me a scalp massage.. omg kill me.. then after that I went back to the locker room for a steam shower.. omg again kill me they had the shower head that was like the size of a small pizza on the ceiling.. and then another hand held shower head if you didn't want the over head on.. plus she gave me a huge basket of shower gels, shampoo, conditioner and a really big fluffy towel.. I was in heaven.. after the shower I went to the sink and they had a huge supply of every type of tolietry you could think of.. contact lense solution, deoderant, face wash, hand/body soap, lotion, hair dryers, brushes, combs, hair spray/gel, cotton balls, q tips, etc etc etc it was great.. I walked out to pay and got 25% off for having back to back services so my total was low enough to pay tips and everything on the card! it was great.. I walked outside and it had been raining HARD when I was getting my 2 services done and of course the sun was again shining so as I started walking to my car I realized there was the best biggest brightest rainbow I'd ever seen in my life.. talk about a scene out a movie.. how could life get any better than this?? I'll tell ya.. I went home and Tim had made pork chops, mixed veggies, and a great fruit salad.. it was a amazing and perfect end to my day...

and on with my life.. finally..

2007-06-14T12:27:00.000-05:00

so here it is... not even 48 hours since I had the "thing" removed and I'm already bleeding.. OMG here we go again.. 7 month long periods with no end in sight.. not sooo good. I'm feeling extremely tired today, my joints and muscles were hurting a bit.. not sure if it's my body trying to function on it's own or what.. hmmm..

Well Dylan is on vacation with my sister. He went to Washington DC to see my cousin and her 3 kids.. sounds like they are having a blast. They drove there! Yuck! Not so much fun. I wouldn't want to do it!

Another freakin busy ass weekend is approaching.. I should just say another freaking busy ass month is here.. We're busy every weekend and even most nights of the week from now until July 15th!

funniest thing I've read in a long time

2007-06-12T21:17:00.000-05:00

All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathroom. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience:

0.Occupied
1.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.
2.Poo on seat.
3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.
4.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet.

Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful Shitter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot. I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Shitter was blathering to Mrs. Shitter about the shitty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier. Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder in one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently. - Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence. "Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with the suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??" Next door I could hear fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth.... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching. - Alas, it is evidently difficulty to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by a string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet. After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth. As I left, I glanced to the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know. I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has manged to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.

date night

2007-06-11T21:55:00.000-05:00

Well if you know me at all you know I'm part polish part Jewish and as my mother likes to tell friends and family, I can make Lincoln scream if I need too.. I make car sales men cringe as I walk in the door.. they know their deal won't be complete for hours.. My HP in hand calculating out every last penny and then I throw out even more at them even when they think they have me... the last time a $40,000 truck for $31,000... I'm upset that I didn't learn more technique (other than beating the crap out of my husband after he breaks ever cardinal rule in a car sales office) from my Uncle Bob who actually had the sales guys just begging him to leave with the car after hours and hours of back and forth... I think the guy offered them 10 cents on the dollar for a Cadillac one time.. seriously.. the man was a force to be reckoned with.. so here it is Monday night which is normally bike night for our neighbors, myself, and my husband.. Apparently all of our regulars were either busy or sick and couldn't come out tonight so it was just Tim & I. We made our way to Dundee (the short bike ride) in less than 30 minutes and decided to eat dinner at a bar called Diamond Jims. I've never been there but my boss raves about the food any chance she gets.. so we stop in the place is EMPTY! We go to the bar I order a water with lemon and Tim a Miller light (but what else) we grab some menus and head to a table to figure out what to get.. I talk Tim into a French Dip which I knew he'd love and I wind up with a cheeseburger over a salad.. not sure how that happened but the diet starts tomorrow! We got our food, ate really fast, went to DQ got some ice cream, and biked back.. it was an amazing night out.. so great for riding, even better for sharing it with just Tim. I love riding on our bike path.. you get miles away from the world and there are views that people didn't even know existed in their own town.. it's just amazing.. you don't see or hear cars for miles, sometimes you don't see people for miles.. the birds, the squirrels, deer, chipmunks all scamper over the path in front of you... it's just heaven. It really cooled down on our ride back, but that was fine.. our bellies full the cool breeze through the trees and along our bodies felt great... we got home and we're cleaning up around the house... Okay not the dream date that most anyone would expect.. but it's these kind of nights that I know that Tim and I are just right for each other. Any other night, maybe not! j/k!! ;)

Happy 3rd Birthday Blue!

2007-06-06T12:52:00.000-05:00

So here we are.. the play on 3's this year.. Dylan 13, Tim 30, Dad 30.. not anymore are they the 3 amigo's.. Blue is now part of that making them the 4 amigo's.. but I guess they all have April birthday's and Blue is on the devil day 6/6.

Last night I lay awake long after I should have fallen asleep.. I was thinking of where Blue might have been born, what his mother might have been like, the horrible conditions, his mother turning him away from her so he wouldn't want to feed from her because she was so weak and hadn't eaten or had fresh water in weeks.. her paws dirty and bloody clinging to the bottom of a wire cage... the horrible place she had to give birth in every 6 months or so of her life.. living only to breed. The sounds of other dogs in pain and agony around her, the stench of feces and urine, and maybe a few dead animals laying around... the filth, the bugs, the disease. Each dog never knowing a kind human who loved and adored them.. and there lays my little guy all perfect and blue making the strangest little whine as he slept. Almost as he too was remembering his birth, his mother, the cages, the stench, the sounds of agony. I feel horrible that I myself have contributed to that, and honestly I didn't know when I paid for him. I felt confident that I had asked all the right questions and had found someone that wasn't a back yard breeder or worse yet in connection with a puppy mill.. but a few weeks later I was proven wrong with his AKC papers came in the mail and sure enough, the name of the woman I did my entire transaction with was no where to be seen anywhere on the forms. Instead "Watson" was the name I looked at... etched into my head that the name of my god parents, I would have never forgotten that name... and so I wonder just where he came from, if really the images in my head are true or if it was even worse than that... I can only imagine.. and I know now since the day I've had him, he was my fate. He was meant to be my dog, my baby, my companion.. everything I wanted (minus the "broker" status) and I have now learned a huge lesson in the world of animals and will never be a buyer at any pet store, on line, brokerage, etc. I will hunt for my next animal only through shelters or rescue firms because even though I love Blue and wouldn't trade him for the world, the lives of innocent animals will not be supported by me for them to live in such horrible conditions while their owners sit pretty in their homes driving nice cars, expensive clothes and jewelery, all the while living a lie to themselves and the world.. there is a special place in hell for those people...

Anyway... I'm here to celebrate Blue's 3rd birthday and today will be special.. he'll get some doggy ice cream (as he did on Monday night but it took him 20 minutes to eat half and got a super bad brain freeze and refused to eat anymore) and if it rains and I don't go biking maybe I'll take him the barkery for some treats. But regardless of how we spend the day together, tonight he'll be snug in my arms, warm, dry, and hopefully not having nightmares of his past that I worry so much about. Poor little babe. Happy 3rd Birthday baby boy Blue!

Idiot Sightings...

2007-06-05T07:45:00.001-05:00

Idiot sightings:>>> IDIOT SIGHTING> Hubby and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told> us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor> on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one> Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said,> "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2> was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two." We> haven't used Sears repair since.> _____________________________________________> > IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor> call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the> Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by> cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing> anymore." From Kingman , KS> ______________________________________________________> > IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a> taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He> said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef? Yep...From> Kansas City !> ______________________________________________________> > IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an> airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your> knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I> know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."> Happened in Birmingham , Ala.> ______________________________________________________> > IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross> the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.> She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals> blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are> blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS> _______________________________________________________> IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker: She> was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully,> "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We> all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This> was a bunch at Texas Instruments.> > ________________________________________________________> IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back> into itself, and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her> system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no> less.> ________________________________________________________> IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership> to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to> the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the> driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively> tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced> to the technician, "Its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that> side."> This was at the Ford dealership in Mobile, Alabama> ______________________________________________________________________> > STAY ALERT!> They walk among us, they REPRODUCE and they VOTE!!

Hard boiled eggs....

2007-06-03T17:27:00.000-05:00

yes there it is.. butterfly's have become the one way I will continue to reprsent the fact that I carry my grandmother with me every day.. hence grabbing any t-shirt, pocketbook, pin, accessory that has butterflies strewn on them.. even if the butterfly itself is ugly.. it doesn't matter. It's what it represents for me. I hate needles but one day I do plan on getting a tattoo so there is not one day that I don't leave my memory of my grandmother behind. I always want a thought of her not a second away from me. As I type I look down at my hands and they remind me of my grandmother telling me all the time that when she was young she had the same hands as mine.. how beautiful they were, and how everyone always told her how beautiful they were. Mine were until a fight with an abusive ex-boyfriend and now my right hand pinkie is croocked.. so much for hand modeling.. but that makes me feel that one day I will live the life that she lived. She moved in with us when I was 10, shortly after we moved to our new house in Arlington Hts. My parents had an extra master suite built on the first floor so she could have her privacy and still live with us. As soon as she moved in, she had just retired, and she slowed down fast.. once walking to work, the grocery store, the local restaurants, to get her hair done, to go painting ceramics, now she sat in her chair and the kitchen table and so a ritual begun. Every day I got home from school.. some days a neighbor would come home with me to study or watch tv or read together.. whatever we did they always went home around 4:30ish and I went into the kitchen to see what Grandma had started for dinner. My grandmother was one of 11 brothers and sisters, raised on a farm in a small town in Iowa. The woman could cook any American meal that you could name off the top of your head and she could come up with the best recipes for anything.. even leftovers had their own things that one could make them into to renew their splendor.. I could never tell for sure if they tasted better as leftovers or not. Either way, most meals had their own homemade gravy and potatoes were a staple. My best memories are of hard boiled eggs... wheather we were making deviled eggs for a party, egg salad sandwiches, or just regular ol hard boiled eggs I was always facinated watching my grandmothers frail thin crippled hands work their way around a hard boiled egg.. she had the patience of a saint for each egg and they always came out perfect.. she had all these tricks on how to cool them, just where to strike them, and she always told the story of watching her mother just run them under water and the shells would just fall away practically on their own.. she never learned to do that. I on the other hand have no patience and mine look as though a dog tried to eat the egg before I cut it up for a salad or deviled eggs. Now here and again I'll be in my kitchen and I'll grab the salt out of the cabinet to salt the water for pasta or I'll grab a seasoning out of the cabinet and as I reach to do so it's almost as she is sitting behind me directing me on which spice to grab, or telling me to turn the heat up or down, or telling me it's time to start the vegetables so they'll be done at the same time as the meat. The hardest time for me is being in the kitchen on days when I made hard boiled eggs.. for whatever reason it's something that has become very personal to me sometimes I'll even only do it when I know I can be alone so I can think about taking my time to make sure that those shells come off perfectly and I really get mad at myself when I try to hurry and they turn out all peckled.. ahh so the next time you have my infamous 7 layer salad or deviled eggs or see Easter eggs at my home you'll know that I took my time, blood, sweat, and tears, making those perfect.

Feeling EMPOWERED!!

2007-06-01T21:46:00.000-05:00

Welll.... I made a very important decision for myself finally.. something that has been puttering in the back of my mind. Something that has been always on the surface, that I have made comments about.. mostly just to a few girlfriends and of course to my husband.. but it's done.. I've made the appointment, I'm doing it.. and now that I've made the decision to do it, I just can't wait to get it done and move on with my life. It's been a battle over the past months, something I've struggled with almost daily... something that has actually changed me physically, changed the way I work, the way I look at my husband.. it's effect has been almost like a deadly silent essense choking me at any chance it got... it's something I carry inside me, every day, every momment.. something nobody else can see and I am the only one aware it even exists... I have seen it once through my body like a plus sign clear as day right there for him to see.. but this one is new, one that has not yet been seen because unlike last time I am not in the same place I was then.... and hopefully before I have this taken care of there will be no proof it even ever exsisted, except the extra weight I carry with me forward towards my goal...

This has made such an impact in my life just making the decision that I've felt better than ever since hanging up the phone with my doctors office after making the appointment. It's like a new breath of life, I have something to look forward to. I've had so much more energy with my new attitude.. I went running at the gym and for the first time in my life I ran so hard that I was glistening from sweat. It was so great to see.. something that made me feel more alive than ever.. and again this morning.. I was up earlier than I have been in weeks. Jumped in the shower and decided TODAY was the day and rode my bike to work. It was empowering getting to work a full 15 minutes early before anyone else. I really thought it would take a full hour to get to work and instead only 40 minutes. It was great hearing all my co-workers comments throughtout the day, really tickled over that I actually rode my bike to work. Some joked that I didn't have enough money to pay for gas, but ha I love my bike, I love biking, I love feeling alive out there... even though my freaking mp3 player crapped out only a mile from work.. I didn't mind.. I had the most beautiful views on the way to work today.. the air was cool and crisp, and the wind glided over me.. I felt the world anew today.. even the smell of dew on the grass didn't escape me.. so funny how just this decision has turned me in a complete 180....

WE COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED

2007-05-31T14:48:00.000-05:00

Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have...My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes too, but I can't remember getting E-coli.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes we had no helmets.We played with toy guns, cowboys and Indians, army, cops and robbers, and used our fingers to simulate guns when the toy ones or my BB gun was not available.Some students weren't as smart as others or didn't work hard so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.

That generation produced some of the greatest risk-takers and problem solvers. We had the freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), the term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.We all took gym, not PE . . . and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors.

I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now. Flunking gym was not an option . . . even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.Every year, someone taught the whole school a lesson by running in the halls with leather soles on linoleum tile and hitting the wet spot.

How much better off would we be today if we only knew we could have sued the school system.Speaking of school, we all said prayers and the pledge and stayed in detention after school and caught all sorts of negative attention for the next two weeks. We must have had horribly damaged psyches.I can't understand it. Schools didn't offer 14 year olds an abortion or condoms (we wouldn't have known what either was anyway) but they did give us a couple of aspirin and cough syrup if we started getting the sniffles.

What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, PlayStation, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital cable stations. I must be repressing that memory as I try to rationalize through the denial of the dangers could have befallen us as we trekked off each day about a mile down the road to some guy's vacant lot, built forts out of branches and pieces of plywood, made trails, and fought over who got to be the Lone Ranger. What was that property owner thinking, letting us play on that lot? He should have been locked up for not putting up a fence around the property, complete with a self-closing gate and an infrared intruder alarm.

Oh yeah . . . and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played king of the hill on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48 cent bottle of Mercurochrome and then we got our butt spanked. Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked (physical abuse) . . . and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home.

Mom invited the door to door salesman inside for coffee, kids choked down the dust from the gravel driveway while playing with Tonka trucks (remember why Tonka trucks were made tough . . . it wasn't so that they could take the rough Berber in the family room), and Dad drove a car with leaded gas.

Our music had to be left inside when we went out to play and I am sure that I nearly exhausted my imagination a couple of times when we went on two week vacations. I should probably sue the folks now for the danger they put us in when we all slept in campgrounds in the family tent.Summers were spent behind the push lawnmower and I didn't even know that mowers came with motors until I was 13 and we got one without an automatic blade-stop or an auto-drive. How sick were my parents?Of course my parents weren't the only psychos. I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amok.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that we needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

angry and blessed

2007-05-30T22:38:00.000-05:00

I'm angry.. that's it.. I'm angry. I'm angry at life for being unfair. I'm angry that someone so close to me is dead and she isn't here to laugh with me about stupid bullshit in life. I'm angry it's been 7 years and I still haven't found the way to deal with her or her daughters death. I'm angry that I sit here day in and day out not bettering myself when she is not on earth wishing she could be here bettering herself. I'm angry she's not here just to tell me that. I'm angry that I haven't felt her in years. I'm angry that I miss her smile. I'm angry that I'm forgetting the sound of her laugh. I'm angry that I loved her straight white teeth and I can't see them anymore. I'm angry I ever wasted any time fighting with her over stupid bullshit. I'm angry that I have let him win and take more than just Nicole and Jade away from me. I'm angry at God for allowing all this to happen. I'm angry that I want to get her story out there and haven't. I'm angry that I love someone that I can't see or touch in this world. I'm angry that Nicole didn't look like herself in her casket and that it never registered to me that it was HER laying there dead. I'm angry that Jade looked like a doll in her casket, as if she just lay down to take a nap after a morning of hard 2 year old play. I'm angry I can't recieve anymore special "ti-ti sissy" hugs from Jade or gaze at her awesome thick curley eyelashes. I'm angry that I didn't feel it immediately, that I didn't know until DAYS later. I'm angry that she died in the manner that she'd asked about before. I'm angry that she loved the song that explained her death. I'm angry I didn't see the WARNING signs flashing bright at me. I'm angry that I don't know all the fact and never will. I'm angry that I have so little of her here with me. I'm angry whenever I miss their birthdays or the anniversary of their death. I'm angry that even though I've been proved time and time again to enjoy each day on earth and to live it the fullest, that I don't. I'm angry that time does not heal all wounds. I'm angry that I miss her because I shouldn't be missing her. I'm angry I can't call her. I'm angry I can't email her. I'm angry I can't text her or stalk her on myspace. I'm angry that there are never enough roses, balloons, cards, words, memories, that can compare to what I want to give Nicole and Jade. I'm angry...

I'm blessed to have known her. I'm blessed to have heard the sound of her breath and her laugh both things I loved. I'm blessed to have been able to see Jades eyelashes and Nicole's perfectly white straight teeth. I'm blessed to have had a friend that loved me for me. I'm blessed to have the sight of Jades butterly barretts in her hair on her 1st birthday etched in my memory.. they moved rythemically as she walked and bounced. I'm blessed that I know where she is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days per year. I'm blessed that I can look at her pictures. I'm blessed that I have many great memories of Nicole. I'm blessed that my tears pour for her because it means that I give a shit about anyone else other than myself. I'm blessed that I know where her killer is... in jail where he belongs. I'm blessed to be sharing her story now.

crazy @zz weekend

2007-05-29T14:01:00.000-05:00

Memorial Day weekend always seems crazy busy.. wheather we go camping, bbqs, whatever.. it's always nuts.. so this Memorial Day a friend of mine I met on myspace through WW decided to come out! She stayed with her husband at a hotel right by my work. We met on Friday night for drinks over at Bennigans and just hung out, talked, got to know each other a bit. Then Saturday we drove to Rockford, hit a really great restaurant that was cheap, had good food, and great service, then we went to the Japanese Botanic gardens.. really cheap $6 and interesting. We drove back to Elgin, hit the casino, lost $40 in less than 8 minutes.. but Norm (Amanda's husband) was winning.. so we stayed walked around a bit, then drove over to Al Capones. Hung out there, ate a wonderful dinner, then headed to Woodfield. Walked around Woodfield, got some new jeans, went to the Bath and Body Works, went back upstairs went to Improv for our FREE show! Had a few drinks a ton of laughs drove them back to their hotel.. hit a bbq in our hood until almost 2 am. Went home smelling of fire pit, fell asleep, woke up at almost 10am.. got in the shower, drove and met some old friends from Palatine, went to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch, then to go see Mike Castro at the cemetary. After that back to the Castro's for a bbq, hung out with the Castro's and some other high school friends I hadn't seen/talked to in years. Got to catch up a bit. Drove back to the hood and hit Sarah/Brian's bbq for a bit. Got there really late and they were done eating, just hanging outside near the fire pit, talking, drinking, playing bagg0. Went home fell asleep woke up late on Monday.. did NOTHING blissfully on Monday then actually got out to bike around 5:45 and biked up to Crystal Lake ate dinner at Duke O'Brians. Really full fun weekend. I was really exhausted but had a really great weekend.

Wendy is taking the boys to DC on June 11th to go see Heather. That should be fun for her.. a ton of driving! Not fun! I wanted Leif to be driving by now! Leif is going to his first interview today! whoot!

The angels took a flying leap and died...

2007-05-23T09:48:00.000-05:00

yes... so I'm a WW fraud. I went and weighed in this month after being really good for 13 days and having the flu the last 2 days! Total fraud. I weighed in just at the 152 mark but that was after being up all night Wednesday into Thursday puking and shitting all night... and then this week has been a whirlwind of chocolate and total crap that I just don't normally eat. I can't get enough of the stuff. So I'm almost giving up on those angels singing this summer.. I don't know what my issue is but getting down to that glorious 140 mark just seems to get further and further from my mind. And this weekend will be a total food fest... friends from Ohio coming in, bbq's 3 of them to be exact plus they want to check out a few things.. Monday we have nothing going on so if someone wants to pass me the flu on Monday that could work...

because they'll never follow it anyway...

2007-05-18T10:18:00.000-05:00

The answer to one of womens most sought out question... WHY MEN DON'T TAKE/ASK FOR DIRECTION OR INSTRUCTIONS????... basically because it's a waste of their freakin time because even if you tell them specifically in detail exactly what to do, they aren't going to do it anyway.. hence the reason why your kids computer desk had about 14 extra pieces when the desk was finished and it worked up until the day your kid was laying under the desk and had a monitor come crashing down on their face and later that day after your husband survey's the scene scratches his neck and says "ohhh that's what that little bar and bolt were for" uhh huhhh.. yeah fuckers. So ladies.. as usual just suck it up, and do the effing job yourself because it ain't getting done the way you wanted it done no matter how simple the task or it's just not getting done PERIOD. fuckers.. I'm out.

Advice or not???

2007-05-16T21:40:00.000-05:00

I just left this message on my brother in law Jeff's wedding website. I thought it was funny enough to share and something I may want to look back on someday and laugh at!!

yes, you too will soon find that as soon as the words leave your mouth that you are getting married in x amount of time, that every person is jumping at the chance to give you some advice. So the week of our wedding I had to go in for my practice updo and make-up and on the way home I stopped at Jewel. So here I am in this stupid button down shirt, raggy jean shorts, perfect make-up & hair and my veil. Great look, I was really trying to start a trend. So this little old woman in front of me starts oohing and ahhing all over me asking me all sorts of questions. With that comes the advice. She says "I've been married for 152 years (seriously she could have farted dust she was really old) and I have the best piece of marriage advice that nobody ever told me" and I'm thinking THIS IS GREAT I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR IT!! I was so excited I was leaning into her as if she had the winning lottery numbers for that night and she was going to whisper them to me. So she says "when he wants to go out with the boys, you know nudie bar nights, fishing trips, whatever they call them nowadays you tell him to GO RIGHT AHEAD! Stay out all weekend, do whatever you want and HAVE A GREAT TIME!" and I'm standing there in total bewilderment thinking "why is this the GREATEST advice someone could give me that has been married forever?? So of course I asked her "why" and she says "so you can clean the house without that horses @zz getting in your way all weekend!" I laughed so hard, the tears made huge smears all the way down my face and even made it on my shirt.... so there it is... the best advice from a little old woman at Jewel.. you heard it here folks. Ladies, I hope you are still breathing, I know you are all sitting at your desks laughing your butts off!

Joining the ranks of my cat, Miss Chopped Liver

2007-05-15T11:55:00.000-05:00

so here it is... every holiday without fail Tim's family in some way or fashion has always dissed me... wheather it be on purpose, accident, whatever it always happens and I walk away from every holiday with VERY hurt feelings. It's come to the point that I don't bring my son around them because I've come the conclusion that they just plainly don't want to include him in certain activities. They tend to play cards and it's just boring for a child the ages of 2-13 which are all the ages that he's been since they have met him. Of course, why would Mother's Day be an exception to the rule here. This year, I walk in to find that Tim's grandmother had brought carnations for all the MOTHERS not including me.. uhh okay.. whatever.. then again without fail I was missed for the holiday phone call. Each time we get together there is usually at least one person missing from the group. This year it was both of Tim's parents who moved to Arizona last July and Tim's brother Dave. Dave never got a family call this year, which seemed strange.. but Tim's mom did call at one point. The phone was passed around and as usual I was skipped. When it was figured out after the hang up that I was skipped, I did recieve a slew of apologies but this was the first time anyone even realized I was skipped. 11 years together and THIS the first holiday that anyone realized I was skipped... yeah.. being imaginary really stinks... and here is the kicker.. I've decided since I do not bring my son to their holidays, from now on that for Mother's Day I will simply not go and do something special with my son for the day. Simple, makes sense, I should be with MY SON on that day... of course Tim asks "what should I tell my family" you know what.. tell them to call me and ask me why I'm not there.. I don't have my son so I can spend the day with them, foregoing my time with MY SON on most major holidays, so they can ignore me? yeah, not happening anymore 11 years is enough and I was a mother before I stepped into thier lives. And so the cycle continues and I'm thinking in a few years that Kimberly or possibly Jessica may be pregnant and by the following year she'll/they'll have a babe in tow and they will of course celebrate her Mother's Day with her and bestow Mother's Day wishes/gifts on her, and I will sit a Mother of over 15 years (I do consider Leif to be my first son because I do take responsiblity for him simply because I adore him) and be ignored..

On the bright side, I did recieve a nice typed letter from my son, a few cards from my mom, sister, nephews, and a huge bunch of beautiful roses from my nephews for helping my sister with them this year. So Mother's Day wasn't a total bust. I also did recieve a few Mother's Day voicemails/texts from family/friends which was really appreciated!!

GUILTY!

2007-05-11T09:11:00.000-05:00

Juan Luna was found GUILTY on all 21 counts yesterday at 6:30pm Chicago time! For once in my life I was so glad I was wrong. I had been predicting for weeks that he was going to walk on account of all the eff ups by not only Palatine PD but The Museum of Science and Industry. I had talked to Cathy a few times about it and she was sure that he was going to get convicted and then sing like a canary.. and I'm hoping that exactly happens so for once and for all we can know who exactly was involved and why. Channel 5 news inadvertantly called Mike "Manny" last night.. his fathers name.. which has really ticked me off.. I mean the guy got the death sentence for going to work, can you at least prounounce Michael correctly? Give the dead people, the innocent people the respect they desearve.. and I can only imagine his dad's reaction.. hopefully he didn't hear it. I'm fearing that we may never hear what really went down, what was going through their minds, what really set them on the spree... how someone could be so cold as others begged for their lives.. will they hear their voices for the remainder of their lives echoing in their minds as they serve out their days in prison? Will the images haunt them? Will they feel guilty? Will their family feel guilty? How could you be the mother of a murder? Would you feel guilty for giving birth to that person? Would you feel you failed the world for not being a better parent for not seeing the signs that your child was going down the wrong path? and that brings me to more questions.. I was asking this to Cathy last night.. we have heard that 4 other people asked for the night off that fatal Friday night... did Rico and Mike usually have the night off? Did they take the place of those that should have died? Would the entire scene have gone down as it did? One of the people "Bam Bam" had a temper in high school and was pretty strong.. I'm wondering if he could have gone crazy on them and beat the crap out of them.. or would the scene have played out into the restaurant? into the streets or parking lot? would their be blood spatters on windows, on the seats in the restaurant? Would some of them made it out a live if he would have put up a fight and not begged for his life as I imagine Mike and Rico did?

and today I sit and am wearing my new butterfly t-shirt that read "I'm not IMPRESSED" and a co-worker of mine comes up to me and says "I lost 4.8lbs at my weigh in last night" and I'm JUMPING up and down, screaming, shreiking, high fiving excited.. I guess my shirt isn't 100% correct today.. I got on the scale myself and was back up to 156.2.. ughhh I can't win....

Mother's Day weekend.. ohhhh did I mention Katie is preggers! Go ERIC! lol! full weekend.. tonight going out for dinner for Mother's Day, tomorrow breakfast with Tim (it's a date), tomorrow night dinner with Katie, Eric, Chrissy, and Devin then later Sunday is Lily's birthday party followed by Mother's Day at Tim's aunts house. whew.. another weekend I'm excausted just talking about!

chopped liver....???

2007-05-07T10:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, so along goes the saying "what am I chopped liver?" I blog about Blue and my friend/co-workers dogs being put down.. and here I sit day in and day out not ever blogging about Sidney.. the best cat I could ever ask for and many people don't even know I own a cat! I got her from my sister's friend Amy before Tim and I met. She has been with me though a ton of crap in my life and always knows just when to approach me to snuggle when I cry. Her fur has been soaked with my tears time and time again. She is approaching her 14th birthday and as she's getting older Tim and I are starting to notice just little things that show us she is entering her older senior years. She is definately slower when climbing the stairs, she misses the counter when she jumps, she hangs on the banister and now sometimes falls, she has become much thinner in just a few months... she doesn't yet seem to be in any pain but I can tell she is becoming just a bit slower day to day... for whatever reason I only take her to the vet clinic at Pet-co for her annual shots. I've never had any reason to have to take her to a vet, she's never been sick or hurt. I would love to know just how long she'll last because I know I'll never be able to replace the most perfect cat. The cat that makes cat haters love cats, the cat that never makes messes, always goes in her litter box, gives you more love than you could ever ask for, and never has demanded anything in return expect to love her back. I know cats can live into their 20's, however, watching her slow down makes me think it will be sooner rather than later, and it saddens me because I know I'll never have a female cat as perfect as she... she plays fetch, talks, jumps up on your shoulders when you get home, and has mommy is sad radar. Tim has already announced that we will not be getting anymore animals after the ones we have now die, but I know I'll be on a quest not long after Sidney passes.. and I know I'll never be able to replace her, but I know I'll try.

The last cookie feast

2007-05-02T21:24:00.000-05:00

so long ago.. in the days before Weight Watchers there was this day.. a day unlike any others in my life. a day I thought of today only because I had blogged earlier about a friends move. and it brought me back to one of the days after we had moved all of our furniture and belongings out of our first home we owned. For a first home for a young couple (we were both 21 when we got married) the house we bought was freaking gigantic. It was a large American Four Square around 3,000 square feet. It boasted 3 stories on top of a finished basement with a bar, a huge front porch, a brick patio, a desk, and a sun porch, a bathroom the size of a bedroom and an old world charm. Having been built in the later 1800's in resembled my great grandma Rachel's and great grandpa Nick's home on their farm where they raised their 11 children in Riceville Iowa. My mother and grandmother both cried the first time they walked through her doors... the first time I walked through her doors I asked our realtor "are you sure this is in our price range?" and then refused to walk through the rest of the house because "this is it" I didn't even need to see the house.. It felt right.. all the little adjustments made over the years, the years of people living within those walls... the laughter that filled the rooms wall to wall year to year... it was so old I was sure there was a ghost living there although I never saw or felt one.. the house had been struck by lightening a few times and had also had a huge fire in it at another point in time. The reminder in the dining room where one corner of the wood floor sunk as you walked over it. The rest of the living room carpeted with only a perfect square cut out to show the beautiful gleaming wood floor.. ahh I loved those wood floors.. every bedroom had them.. the stair case the same dark wood stain... every door way and moulding... all the same... so this brings me to our last feast... like I had said, we had already moved everything out.. we stopped there just one last time to clean out the fridge, throw some stuff on the curb for the garbage men, and breathe in one last time in our first home together. We had almost a full gallon of milk and as I went through the pantry (that was the size of a bathroom I might add) I found a box of thin mint cookies... somehow I managed to scrimmage up a few glasses (I think some old solo cups from a party that was in the bar in the basement) and Tim and I sat on a folding chair and the edge of a desk looking out the side dining room window watching cars go by as we ate those cookies one by one... I remember that day as if it was yesterday, but alas it was over 4 years ago... February of 2003... the same type day for me was January 17, 1987 the day I moved from my childhood home in Palatine to Arlington Heights.. our new house.. the home that my parents had worked so hard for years to be able to buy.. my mom becoming a nurse and then stashing away each of her paychecks in FULL only to save more and more for this dream house she always wanted... We searched high and low for the dream house and somehow we always came back to the DOVER.. "we want the Dover" we would chant over and over to my dad.. and of course with 3 girls humming that in your ear day and night eventually he gave in. They did put $ down on another home in Lake Zurich an Essex. My tax guy now lives in the exact property that my parents had put $ down on, and he too built an Essex on that property.. the house would have never worked for our family. My grandmother needed to live on the first floor and the Dover offered 2 master bedrooms, 1 on the first floor and another on the 2nd floor.. my dad refused to stick me in a small bedroom on the 2nd floor so he opted to only put one full bath on the 2nd floor.. it always worked out okay for our family.. we had come from a house that was less than 1,000 sq feet 2 bedrooms, a living room, and a kitchen all visable from the front door. So coming into this huge house was fine for us, we didn't care.. there was still 3 toliets in the house.. always a way to at least pee! lol! So there I was that last day in my childhood home... the home I loved, the only home I knew.. and what I didn't know I'd miss the most would be the grass.. we had this HUGE yard with the thickest most lush grass I've ever seen.. in the summer it was always damp and cool and great to lay in under the huge trees, in the fall it was always covered by leaves, and any other time I just never paid attention to it until we moved to the new house and had crappy grass that just never really took no matter how hard my dad tried. I've always tried to really stop myself in lives little momments to take a breath.. and the day of our move one of our kitchen table chairs sat on the front porch so I sat in it.. and the guys continued moving furniture and boxes around me as I sat.. I looked across the street at "Grandpa Earls" house the old man that gave out candy daily to the kids in the neighborhood who came to visit him, and Jeff and Janet's house the young couple from California.. the husband a busy professional computer geek employed by Motorola.. but who had ever heard of them in 1987... Jeff Peelers house.. one of the painters on our block who owned this great red stingray that he offered my mom to buy for $5,000 which she now regrets not buying from him as it would have cost us another 50 cents a month on our new mortgage... Si & Dottie's house.. the older couple who had grown kids, and now grandchildren my age who had helped my parents when they were a young couple just starting out... The Corrado's.. a mine, yours, and ours family.. he a faithful Catholic with his children had remarried to a woman who had 2 children of her own and they had another child together.. The Walgren's house.. they had since moved out but it hadn't been long since my friend Linnea had lived there too.. I wanted to remember everything about that day, about that house, about that neighborhood.. I wanted to breath and stop life and for a few minutes.. I did..

sleepy Blue smell..

2007-05-02T09:03:00.000-05:00

Yes.. it's something I'm totally addicted to.. the smell of Blue after he sleeps. It smells like Frito chips... weird huh? It's very intoxiating to me and I don't even know why because I hate Frito's! lol! But for whatever reason this morning I awoke with my baby right next to my chest facing me... and there he was just looking at me half asleep.. the air was cool and crisp outside of our little warm caccoon and I could tell behind the drapes that the sun was warm and bright. Another beautiful day beginning... so I just lay there as long as I could until almost 7:30 then I got us up and as I pick up my sleeping puppy he made some sort of a whine and of course I answered him with "Yeah I know, I'd rather stay in bed all day and sleep with you too" of course followed by a kiss on the top of his perfect little velvet head.

And so I adore him more every day with reminders in the background that each day is precious.. Amy (my co-worker & friend) had to put her beloved 12 year old beagle Holly to sleep on Monday... something that has been a long time coming since she was diagnosed with cancer almost 2 years ago. Amy made the right decision for the dog, she was old, tired, not eating, what she did eat she threw up, she was losing weight really fast, and the life was just sucked out of her.. it wasn't even her anymore. Amy looked at Holly and knew the time had come to make the descision and like any other time in Amy's life of course this too came within the days of a joyous event. Amy's daughters first birthday was April 24th and the party set for the 28th. Amy's husband talked with the vet and tried to find a way to make this the easiest way possible considering that family from out of town would be in and he didn't want Holly dying overshadowing every crevice of what should remembered as a joyous event. The vet agreed and they made the appointment for Monday following the party. Amy spent Sunday with Holly the entire day by her side. I can only imagine that she stroked her fur and cuddled her head in her hands and kissed her over and over. Amy tried to prepare herself the best she could for the event, however, when all has been said and done she states she wasn't prepared in the least... something coming for 2 years, however, there was no way to prepare her for the actual event.. calling the vet to discuss costs was completely morbid and the words could barley come out of her mouth over the phone. When she reached the vets office she had to stand in the waiting room holding Holly in a pink blanket. She said Holly was shaking, and the vets assistant held her as she died... she asked if it was over and it was... she left the vet holding the blanket in total shock.. not knowing what to believe.. and she went home to grieve..

Also our friends Amy & Ron had to put their 12 year old pekanise (sp?) Cody to sleep just the weekend prior. He was old, having accidents, blind, had problems with his legs, starting nipping at their 1 year old son.. it was time. They seemed to have moved on with their lives by the time I saw them on the following Saturday but then again they were really busy with their move...

And again this morning on the WW chat rooms one lady was speaking about how she took time off during the day yesterday to go with her mom and brother to go put her mothers 14 y.o. lab to sleep... again.. all old dogs.. all had wonderful lives with owners that loved and cared for them.. what a decision to have to make for them.

Of course that brings me to my question.. I've been thinking about this for some time as my co-worker Amy has had many run ins with the fatal decision to finally put this dog to sleep... every couple months she'd take a turn for the worse and she'd say "it's time" and "I can't do this anymore" but making the actual decision to walk into that vets office and to walk out after telling someone and paying someone to kill your pet.. it makes me wonder why is there not that option for humans? or why the option for pets has ever been discovered.. it's a horrible descision to have to make and I know especially on a day like today where I got to lay in bed for a few precious momments and just bask in my love for my puppy, that the day that I make that decision will be one of my worst days...

So here is to Holly, Cody, and my WW'ers moms lab... you were loved here on earth and your owners miss you....

Happier than a pig in shit

2007-05-01T08:50:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so last night I'm laying in bed EXHAUSTED waiting to fall asleep and I realize that this is it.. I couldn't be any happier.. I've got my husband on my side his huge HEAVY arm resting on my gut making it hard to breathe, my 5lb chihuahua sleeping between my legs so I can't move them and they are already starting to tingle, and my cat laying on my chest head butting me and licking my face every so often PURRING LIKE A TRACTOR... yeah and that's how I'd want it to be... life is good...

All that after leaving work, going home to let my dog out, riding my bike to Julies, walking for about 50 minutes with Julie before she had to leave for her WW meeting, having Tim, Jim, Kim, and Adam meet me at Julie's to take an evening ride... get home around 8pm.. Tim threw the pork chops on the grill, I got busy making an amazing strawberry and kiwi fruit salad and steamed carrotts with dillweed and a half hour later we sat down to dinner... watched a little tv with Blue, cleaned up the kitchen, took the dog out, and up to bed where the aforementioned was the way in which I fell asleep.

again... LIFE IS GOOD... and where did that saying come from anyway??? Happier than a pig in shit? huh? I'll have to look that one up.

Tim & I also had a really great weekend. Friday night I went running and we wound up going out for a late dinner over at Wendy's then driving over to his new work site. In case you haven't heard Tim's work is moving DIRECTLY across the street from me which has sparked us talking about biking to work in the summer. Then Saturday we helped Ron and Amy move from Belevidere to McHenry, which I found where the bike path leads right next to their subdivision (the same one we take North to DQ in Crystal Lake) so of course that sparked a "let's ride up to Ron and Amy's house" talk... then we were going to go to Body Worlds.. of course they stopped selling the tickets on line.. so we wound up hitting up CiCi's around 8:30pm and watching a movie and falling asleep.. Sunday I was up early and ready to go go go.. but of course Tim was tired, wanted to hang out in front of the tv... but the sun was shining, the neighborhood was alive.. so I took the dog for a walk around the hood then got home and Tim and I hit up Ace Hardware... we finally bought a patio table!!!! YEAH WE CAN EAT OUTSIDE! Yippee!! We wound up riding up to Village Squire for dinner, ate out on their patio (yeah that makes sense) then rode home.. that was our entire weekend in a nutshell..

I'm exhausted just talking about the last 4 days in my life.. no wonder I could fall asleep right here right now sitting up at my desk.. ughh

I'm exhausted but happier than a pig in shit.. don't forget...

I blame it all on the Devil

2007-04-25T11:53:00.000-05:00

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the
Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and
Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said,
"You want chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!"
and Woman said, "and as long as yo u're at it, add some sprinkles."
And they gained 10 pounds.
And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt
that Woman might keep the figure
that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour
from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island
Dressing, buttery croutons and
garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their
belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you
heart healthy vegetables,
and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish
and chicken-fried steak so big
it needed its own platter.
And Man gained more weight and
his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake,"
and said, "It is good."
Satan then created choc o late cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes
so that His children might lose
those extra pounds.
And Satan gave cable TV with
a remote control so Man would not
have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light
and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and
brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin
and sliced the starchy center
into chips and deep-fried them.
And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man
might consume fewer calories
and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's
and its 99-cent double cheeseburger.
Then said, "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created
quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.

as her wings open...

2007-04-20T09:51:00.000-05:00

So here we are.. on the cusp of another beautiful weekend... a weekend that will hopefully mark the end of short cold days here in the midwest. Walking without layers of clothing, smelling the bbq's in the neighborhood, the bright blue sky, the clear crisp water, the grass perfect green strong and thick, the perfect white puffy clouds above, the sun beaming with a special brightness... a newness that only happens on those first days of spring where the world once again becomes alive... and this weekend special in it's own... Earth Day is Sunday, our neighborhood cleanup to commence... a bbq on Sunday to follow, the joy of happy faces, joking, laughing talking... Saturday the baptism of our newest life addition Irina (peace and love), followed by spending the rest of the day with family.. another perfect way to spend the beautiful weekend with family... catching up with one another, getting to know our new addition, playing with Reilly & Roman... and tonight Tim, Dylan, and I will celebrate Tim's brother's birthday at Emmetts.. a perfect way to start such a great weekend... I couldn't be any happier with a weekend like this planned to perfection.. and here she is mother nature opening her wings, spreading her wings, enveloping us in the creation sitting dormat all winter waiting to be renewed... she stands proud looking down at us, protecting us, carefully planning her next move.. her balance, her strength.. total awe on my part.

Happy 63rd Birthday Dad!

2007-04-16T12:39:00.000-05:00

Well in tradition it seems I am going to continue and talk about my dad, on this his 63rd birthday.. btw, I missed the 12th being my parents 38th wedding anniversary... so here it is.. another birthday in April (I've got a ton of them in April, friends, family, etc you name it.. everybody was fucking in July/August the year before) so today I decided to call my dad and wish him a happy birthday. We celebrated his and Dylans birthday together because my greedy husband didn't want to share his birthday with anyone else because his whole life he had to share with his two brothers both ALSO born in April... so of course today my mom forgot my dad's birthday.. that's a big WHOOOOPS! anyway.. so as it turned out my dad spent yesterday with some old friends going to the city to see a friend who has been in a coma since March 31st. I guess he got in a car accident. Anyway.. I the guy had 20 chihuahua's and 2 guard dogs and of course my dad wanted one of the chihuahua's... of course they've already been turned over to a no kill shelter.. ughh not fun.. I'm trying to figure out which shelter they could have gone to, but petfinder is not showing any shelters in Chicago that have more than 1 chihuahua.. strange.. ahhh oh well.. I found one no kill shelter in the city and emailed them to see if maybe they are the shelter that recieved them.. so sad.. so we'll see..

So I 've come to the realization just in the past month or so that my dad has spoiled my sister and I... we grew up with a guy who could fix ANYTHING, got certain things done around the house, plus of course all his normal jobs like walking/taking care of the animals, garbage, yard work, etc. He's always working on some project or another and here my sister and I sit thinking that the guys we'll marry or be with will be somewhat the same.. wrong.. so there you have it.. my sister and I have the dad standard and there are no guys in this day and age that can stand up to that standard... those are some big shoes to fill! lol!

The Palatine Curse

2007-04-12T10:17:00.000-05:00

so there it is.. there in writing.. I've come to the conclusion (years ago) that those of us growing up in Palatine are cursed... somehow someway there is a curse.. the worst things in life have happened to those of us who grew up there.. a quiet little town where nobody ever locks their doors has turned inside out and became a place of murder amongst other horrible things... I'm guessing that for me the start of the Brown's Chicken murder trials this week is bringing up all these memories and emotions... we started with the Browns Chicken murder those days surrounding that still haunt me... the wakes the funerals, the emotions.. the silence that followed those days... , then we had a guy who at 16 years old had a heart attack and fell off the shelf in the gym.. we could hear another gym teacher doing CPR over her little microphone... then we had Connie's murder... funny how her murder was exactly as her mother had described a possible murder in a house they lived in in Arlington Hts when she was first married to Connie's father... the ghosts still had a daily revisit that murder, the red stain at the foot of the stairs her mother tried over and over to get out and eventually gave up... her wake was surreal, her widow's peak wasn't in the middle as it always had been, but now off to one side... something I'll never forget. Nicole.. one of my greatest friends in jr high and h.s. one of the people who really helped me through some tough spots in my life.. I can still remember the way she laughed, her perfectly white straight teeth (even though she never had braces), the days she had so much eye make up on that little black sleeper creepers would be in the corners of her eyes, the way she would pass my locker and give me the evil stare on days that we were fighting... the day we sat in her kitchen writing poems together... and her daughter Jade.. born 1 month early very very tiny.. she was like a little doll.. but perfectly healthy.. I want to say she was under 5lbs the day I met her... she had the longest most perfect eyelashes.. and as she got older she'd come and give you kisses and hugs even if she didn't know you.. she loved life, and she loved to simply love... her casket so tiny, her body as if she just layed down to nap, her hair perfect, her eyelashes still long, thick, and curly.. Jade would have turned 9 this Sunday (April 15th, I always teased Nicole for giving birth on tax day).. and Nicole.. just didn't even look like herself.. it still isn't something that has fully registered.. there is no grave markers for them, it's not written in stone.. as if I still think the phone will ring and she'll ask me why I haven't called her in so long... and the stories don't end there.. Karl, killing his mother.. as he was shown on the news he had a similar appearance to my husband Tim.. weird how I only dated Karl for a very short time.. makes me wonder what would have been different in my life.. and now if you search for Karl.. the story is gone.. no traces of him anywhere.. I've googled and looked on the Illinois prison lists.. he's gone.. vanished.. does that mean he killed himself? does that mean he wound up in a mental institution? Along with those major ones that effected me personally are many other stories.. really sad stories filled with tragic scenarios most of which were situations out of control of the person they happened to.. not anything they brought on.. some genetics/health related.. some being in the wrong place at the wrong time.. so here we stand always waiting for that ball to drop, good days always lined in the thought that bad news will be there waiting tomorrow...

WHAT THE FUCK?

2007-04-11T09:16:00.000-05:00

Okay.. it's APRIL 11TH and it's SNOWING.. the Cubs game today will probably be cancelled.. it's really cold out probably in the lower 30's but it feels like the lower 20's... and the snow is slushy/wet nasty.. it was hailing on the way to work..

not a PEEP!

2007-04-09T09:32:00.000-05:00

so there it is.. I've written it down HERE and it's documented... I went an ENTIRE Easter season with not one PEEP touching my lips... I had one piece of Easter candy, it was a piece of chocolate I bought for the candy dishes in our house... I also discovered this weekend that my favorite Jewel cake.. I don't like anymore.. not really at all.. it doesn't do anything for my mouth... I couldn't wait to get back to work and back to my normal routine of fruit, veggies, and lean meat.. it's ALL good!

Let's get ready to..... STUMBLE!!

2007-04-08T02:43:00.000-05:00

So for Tim's birthday party today.. he comes out in this t-shirt that reads "let's get ready to stumble" PERFECT!! so I ask him where he got the shirt. he says I bought it for him... hmm I did? it has a shamrock on it so I say.. "oh yeah I got it for you for St Patricks day" then my mom shows up and says "hey that's the shirt I got Tim" ha! so that's where the shirt came from! lol! The party was great there was a bunch of people there, some people didn't make it.. we had a ton of food, plenty of beer/pop/wine coolers, and great friends... it was really a relaxing time.. ughh cleaning before and after sucks my ass.. but what can I say.. I'm pretty sure Tim had a good time because around 1 am I noticed he was missing and I ran upstairs to check on him.. passed out in his t-shirt and matching boxers... the boxers I bought him for St Patricks day are different green/white checked! Sooo totally cute.. oh his cake was a hit! if your lucky I'll post a pic of it next blog!

Happy 30th Birthday Timmy....

2007-04-06T09:34:00.000-05:00

so here it is.. Tim's 30th birthday.. the day I've been planning a surprise party for for over a year... yeah, and as the date came closer it became apparent it was going to be impossible to have a surprise party for him.. especially after the train wreck my "surprise" party became... the residue that *still* rings around my "30th birthday" will not be something I'll forget for years to come... and so on Tim's birthday I'll recount the day he was born JUST KIDDING! Thank god I *wasn't* there!! but instead, I'll recount the day I realized he was on earth.. the day we met.... my favorite question to ask couples "how did you meet?" so here it is... I was living with this @zzhole Chris who was mentally/emotionally abusive, had short man syndrome, and was super controlling.. wow.. it sounds like I'm describing Tom Cruise! lol! anyway.. I was working at Market Facts and I had this secret friend Ed. He was the one person who *really* knew what was going on my life and I talked to every time we worked together. He was secret because it was one friendship I didn't want Chris to destroy! So one night the security guard down stairs calls up to our department and tells our supervisor that some people were downstairs to see Ed. So Ed tells our supervisors he's not going down there because he was on the phone with his girlfriend and could only talk to her for a few more minutes before she had to get off the phone and do homework. So I told him that I was just about to go downstairs to buy a pop anyway and I'd let his friends know... (okay.. I'm not a pop drinker, never have been really.. so THIS day why I was going to buy a pop is still a huge mystery to me) so I walked down the stairs in my favorite skin tight size 6 jeans, with my red t-shirt and old flannel.. as I walked down the stairs I was looking at this group of guys all watching me come down the stairs.. but it was Tim, the tallest standing in the back, with the brightest most intense blue eyes watching me descend that caught my attention.. and even though he did little or no talking and I talked to his friends (whom to this day I have no clue who was even with him) I could feel his eyes almost burning into me.. it was sorta strange... and of course they wouldn't leave with me just telling them that Ed wasn't coming down.. they handed me a piece of Phil's mustang (the whole reason they came there to tell Ed that Phil hit the park) and sent me back upstairs to tell Ed to come downstairs... of course I gave him the piece of mustang and he still didn't go downstairs.. so once I again I ran down and told them that he was being dork and wouldn't come down and he said he'd call them later.. after that Ed told me every day Tim would ask about me.. if I was at work, if I was okay, what was going on in my life.. Tim was dating another girl at the time and so was I... I remember one day I was in Sandy's office (our manager in our dept) and Ed and I were on speaker phone with Tim and they were talking about going up to Corey's cabin in WI for the weekend.. and I said "ughhh I sooo *wish* I could go" and Tim of course said I could go if I wanted to go and I said "yeah but where am I gonna sleep" and he said I could sleep with him! wow... after that I got his # and we started talking on the phone here and there secretly and one day he asked me "do I have a snowballs chance in hell in ever dating you" and from there.. those words stuck... Tim was all I thought about no matter what was going on around me... one day we were on the phone, I was at the apartment waiting for my sister to show up with Leif so she could go to boxing and I could hang out with him.. as my sister walked through the door I was just saying to Tim "if I had any balls at all I'd pack my shit and leave while Chris is at work" and my sister went into action just packing my shit.. I started laughing and told Tim and he said "I've got 3 trucks and 5 guys here, want us to come over?" 30 minutes later he was at the apartment with a puppy (I never found out where that puppy went either) and we started moving everything out.. it didn't take long.. we got everything back to my parents house and he drove me to work.. I never looked back... we've been together since...

So tonight Timmy on your 30th birthday, we'll go out and have a nice dinner just the two of us and then party our asses off tomorrow with all our friends!!!

HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY BABY!!