the end of the rainbow

soooo after removing the evil IUD I decided that gaining 26lbs in 2 months and not being able to ever get my weight back down, I better try to jump start my body into detoxing. I recieved a gift certificate for my 30th birthday from a neighbor I helped out when she got her puppy Nala... anyway.. So the gift cert was a good enough chunk of change for me to go to this spa and get two different services.. I chose a 60 minute massage and a herbal body wrap. I was hoping that between the two it might help my body realize it needs to get rid of all the "ickys" so to speak.. so I called the spa and asked about 40 zillion questions and the girl was more than willing to set up the services to help me figure out the best attack for my buck! Anyway.. so it was all set up, time set, etc.. then I find out yesterday morning it wasn't at the location I thought. I had thought I was calling their spa that is close to my work.. of course not.. but as luck would have it, we were slow at work so I left 5 minutes early and got some directions that took me down back roads to avoid traffic.. and it worked like a charm! Got there with plenty of time to spare... anyway.. I walk in and they bring me to a locker room and gave me a locker with a key, a robe and showed me where to change and then showed me a room to come to when I was ready. The room was called the relaxation room and it was this room that was really dark, almost like a sauna warm with wood slatt walls, then there was this bench.. the bench was concrete and the room was octagon and it went all the way around the room.. the bench was shaped to the curves the body and it was HEATED! total heaven.. in the middle of the room was a glass table that was also a water fountain with rocks and candles.. first I filled out some basic paper work then into the massage.. I asked for Lavendar essential oil to be used and it was a great massage although I'm really used to my sports/deep tissue massages and after the massage lady told me that my ham strings are extremly tight and she didn't want to work on them long because she didn't feel I was letting go.. strange.. my other massage ladies like me because I'm normally like puddy for them! lol! anyway.. then back to the relaxation room with some water etc. Then the second lady came and got me for the body wrap.. OMG kill me... she first rubbed down my arms/legs a loofah kind of thing that were gloves, then she rubbed me down with more essential oil, then she had me stand up and put burning hot towels down on the table, then had me lay down, more hot towels over me, then wrapped me from underneath the table in basically foil. I looked like left overs.. then while I was sitting in that she gave me a scalp massage.. omg kill me.. then after that I went back to the locker room for a steam shower.. omg again kill me they had the shower head that was like the size of a small pizza on the ceiling.. and then another hand held shower head if you didn't want the over head on.. plus she gave me a huge basket of shower gels, shampoo, conditioner and a really big fluffy towel.. I was in heaven.. after the shower I went to the sink and they had a huge supply of every type of tolietry you could think of.. contact lense solution, deoderant, face wash, hand/body soap, lotion, hair dryers, brushes, combs, hair spray/gel, cotton balls, q tips, etc etc etc it was great.. I walked out to pay and got 25% off for having back to back services so my total was low enough to pay tips and everything on the card! it was great.. I walked outside and it had been raining HARD when I was getting my 2 services done and of course the sun was again shining so as I started walking to my car I realized there was the best biggest brightest rainbow I'd ever seen in my life.. talk about a scene out a movie.. how could life get any better than this?? I'll tell ya.. I went home and Tim had made pork chops, mixed veggies, and a great fruit salad.. it was a amazing and perfect end to my day...

and on with my life.. finally..

so here it is... not even 48 hours since I had the "thing" removed and I'm already bleeding.. OMG here we go again.. 7 month long periods with no end in sight.. not sooo good. I'm feeling extremely tired today, my joints and muscles were hurting a bit.. not sure if it's my body trying to function on it's own or what.. hmmm..

Well Dylan is on vacation with my sister. He went to Washington DC to see my cousin and her 3 kids.. sounds like they are having a blast. They drove there! Yuck! Not so much fun. I wouldn't want to do it!

Another freakin busy ass weekend is approaching.. I should just say another freaking busy ass month is here.. We're busy every weekend and even most nights of the week from now until July 15th!

funniest thing I've read in a long time

All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathroom. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience:

0.Occupied
1.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.
2.Poo on seat.
3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.
4.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet.

Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful Shitter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot. I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Shitter was blathering to Mrs. Shitter about the shitty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier. Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder in one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently. - Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence. "Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with the suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??" Next door I could hear fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth.... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching. - Alas, it is evidently difficulty to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by a string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet. After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth. As I left, I glanced to the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know. I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has manged to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.

date night

Well if you know me at all you know I'm part polish part Jewish and as my mother likes to tell friends and family, I can make Lincoln scream if I need too.. I make car sales men cringe as I walk in the door.. they know their deal won't be complete for hours.. My HP in hand calculating out every last penny and then I throw out even more at them even when they think they have me... the last time a $40,000 truck for $31,000... I'm upset that I didn't learn more technique (other than beating the crap out of my husband after he breaks ever cardinal rule in a car sales office) from my Uncle Bob who actually had the sales guys just begging him to leave with the car after hours and hours of back and forth... I think the guy offered them 10 cents on the dollar for a Cadillac one time.. seriously.. the man was a force to be reckoned with.. so here it is Monday night which is normally bike night for our neighbors, myself, and my husband.. Apparently all of our regulars were either busy or sick and couldn't come out tonight so it was just Tim & I. We made our way to Dundee (the short bike ride) in less than 30 minutes and decided to eat dinner at a bar called Diamond Jims. I've never been there but my boss raves about the food any chance she gets.. so we stop in the place is EMPTY! We go to the bar I order a water with lemon and Tim a Miller light (but what else) we grab some menus and head to a table to figure out what to get.. I talk Tim into a French Dip which I knew he'd love and I wind up with a cheeseburger over a salad.. not sure how that happened but the diet starts tomorrow! We got our food, ate really fast, went to DQ got some ice cream, and biked back.. it was an amazing night out.. so great for riding, even better for sharing it with just Tim. I love riding on our bike path.. you get miles away from the world and there are views that people didn't even know existed in their own town.. it's just amazing.. you don't see or hear cars for miles, sometimes you don't see people for miles.. the birds, the squirrels, deer, chipmunks all scamper over the path in front of you... it's just heaven. It really cooled down on our ride back, but that was fine.. our bellies full the cool breeze through the trees and along our bodies felt great... we got home and we're cleaning up around the house... Okay not the dream date that most anyone would expect.. but it's these kind of nights that I know that Tim and I are just right for each other. Any other night, maybe not! j/k!! ;)

Happy 3rd Birthday Blue!

So here we are.. the play on 3's this year.. Dylan 13, Tim 30, Dad 30.. not anymore are they the 3 amigo's.. Blue is now part of that making them the 4 amigo's.. but I guess they all have April birthday's and Blue is on the devil day 6/6.

Last night I lay awake long after I should have fallen asleep.. I was thinking of where Blue might have been born, what his mother might have been like, the horrible conditions, his mother turning him away from her so he wouldn't want to feed from her because she was so weak and hadn't eaten or had fresh water in weeks.. her paws dirty and bloody clinging to the bottom of a wire cage... the horrible place she had to give birth in every 6 months or so of her life.. living only to breed. The sounds of other dogs in pain and agony around her, the stench of feces and urine, and maybe a few dead animals laying around... the filth, the bugs, the disease. Each dog never knowing a kind human who loved and adored them.. and there lays my little guy all perfect and blue making the strangest little whine as he slept. Almost as he too was remembering his birth, his mother, the cages, the stench, the sounds of agony. I feel horrible that I myself have contributed to that, and honestly I didn't know when I paid for him. I felt confident that I had asked all the right questions and had found someone that wasn't a back yard breeder or worse yet in connection with a puppy mill.. but a few weeks later I was proven wrong with his AKC papers came in the mail and sure enough, the name of the woman I did my entire transaction with was no where to be seen anywhere on the forms. Instead "Watson" was the name I looked at... etched into my head that the name of my god parents, I would have never forgotten that name... and so I wonder just where he came from, if really the images in my head are true or if it was even worse than that... I can only imagine.. and I know now since the day I've had him, he was my fate. He was meant to be my dog, my baby, my companion.. everything I wanted (minus the "broker" status) and I have now learned a huge lesson in the world of animals and will never be a buyer at any pet store, on line, brokerage, etc. I will hunt for my next animal only through shelters or rescue firms because even though I love Blue and wouldn't trade him for the world, the lives of innocent animals will not be supported by me for them to live in such horrible conditions while their owners sit pretty in their homes driving nice cars, expensive clothes and jewelery, all the while living a lie to themselves and the world.. there is a special place in hell for those people...

Anyway... I'm here to celebrate Blue's 3rd birthday and today will be special.. he'll get some doggy ice cream (as he did on Monday night but it took him 20 minutes to eat half and got a super bad brain freeze and refused to eat anymore) and if it rains and I don't go biking maybe I'll take him the barkery for some treats. But regardless of how we spend the day together, tonight he'll be snug in my arms, warm, dry, and hopefully not having nightmares of his past that I worry so much about. Poor little babe. Happy 3rd Birthday baby boy Blue!

Idiot Sightings...

Idiot sightings:>>> IDIOT SIGHTING> Hubby and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told> us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor> on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one> Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said,> "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2> was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two." We> haven't used Sears repair since.> _____________________________________________> > IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor> call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the> Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by> cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing> anymore." From Kingman , KS> ______________________________________________________> > IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a> taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He> said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef? Yep...From> Kansas City !> ______________________________________________________> > IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an> airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your> knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I> know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."> Happened in Birmingham , Ala.> ______________________________________________________> > IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross> the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.> She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals> blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are> blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS> _______________________________________________________> IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker: She> was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully,> "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We> all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This> was a bunch at Texas Instruments.> > ________________________________________________________> IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back> into itself, and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her> system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no> less.> ________________________________________________________> IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership> to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to> the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the> driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively> tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced> to the technician, "Its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that> side."> This was at the Ford dealership in Mobile, Alabama> ______________________________________________________________________> > STAY ALERT!> They walk among us, they REPRODUCE and they VOTE!!

Hard boiled eggs....

yes there it is.. butterfly's have become the one way I will continue to reprsent the fact that I carry my grandmother with me every day.. hence grabbing any t-shirt, pocketbook, pin, accessory that has butterflies strewn on them.. even if the butterfly itself is ugly.. it doesn't matter. It's what it represents for me. I hate needles but one day I do plan on getting a tattoo so there is not one day that I don't leave my memory of my grandmother behind. I always want a thought of her not a second away from me. As I type I look down at my hands and they remind me of my grandmother telling me all the time that when she was young she had the same hands as mine.. how beautiful they were, and how everyone always told her how beautiful they were. Mine were until a fight with an abusive ex-boyfriend and now my right hand pinkie is croocked.. so much for hand modeling.. but that makes me feel that one day I will live the life that she lived. She moved in with us when I was 10, shortly after we moved to our new house in Arlington Hts. My parents had an extra master suite built on the first floor so she could have her privacy and still live with us. As soon as she moved in, she had just retired, and she slowed down fast.. once walking to work, the grocery store, the local restaurants, to get her hair done, to go painting ceramics, now she sat in her chair and the kitchen table and so a ritual begun. Every day I got home from school.. some days a neighbor would come home with me to study or watch tv or read together.. whatever we did they always went home around 4:30ish and I went into the kitchen to see what Grandma had started for dinner. My grandmother was one of 11 brothers and sisters, raised on a farm in a small town in Iowa. The woman could cook any American meal that you could name off the top of your head and she could come up with the best recipes for anything.. even leftovers had their own things that one could make them into to renew their splendor.. I could never tell for sure if they tasted better as leftovers or not. Either way, most meals had their own homemade gravy and potatoes were a staple. My best memories are of hard boiled eggs... wheather we were making deviled eggs for a party, egg salad sandwiches, or just regular ol hard boiled eggs I was always facinated watching my grandmothers frail thin crippled hands work their way around a hard boiled egg.. she had the patience of a saint for each egg and they always came out perfect.. she had all these tricks on how to cool them, just where to strike them, and she always told the story of watching her mother just run them under water and the shells would just fall away practically on their own.. she never learned to do that. I on the other hand have no patience and mine look as though a dog tried to eat the egg before I cut it up for a salad or deviled eggs. Now here and again I'll be in my kitchen and I'll grab the salt out of the cabinet to salt the water for pasta or I'll grab a seasoning out of the cabinet and as I reach to do so it's almost as she is sitting behind me directing me on which spice to grab, or telling me to turn the heat up or down, or telling me it's time to start the vegetables so they'll be done at the same time as the meat. The hardest time for me is being in the kitchen on days when I made hard boiled eggs.. for whatever reason it's something that has become very personal to me sometimes I'll even only do it when I know I can be alone so I can think about taking my time to make sure that those shells come off perfectly and I really get mad at myself when I try to hurry and they turn out all peckled.. ahh so the next time you have my infamous 7 layer salad or deviled eggs or see Easter eggs at my home you'll know that I took my time, blood, sweat, and tears, making those perfect.

Feeling EMPOWERED!!

Welll.... I made a very important decision for myself finally.. something that has been puttering in the back of my mind. Something that has been always on the surface, that I have made comments about.. mostly just to a few girlfriends and of course to my husband.. but it's done.. I've made the appointment, I'm doing it.. and now that I've made the decision to do it, I just can't wait to get it done and move on with my life. It's been a battle over the past months, something I've struggled with almost daily... something that has actually changed me physically, changed the way I work, the way I look at my husband.. it's effect has been almost like a deadly silent essense choking me at any chance it got... it's something I carry inside me, every day, every momment.. something nobody else can see and I am the only one aware it even exists... I have seen it once through my body like a plus sign clear as day right there for him to see.. but this one is new, one that has not yet been seen because unlike last time I am not in the same place I was then.... and hopefully before I have this taken care of there will be no proof it even ever exsisted, except the extra weight I carry with me forward towards my goal...

This has made such an impact in my life just making the decision that I've felt better than ever since hanging up the phone with my doctors office after making the appointment. It's like a new breath of life, I have something to look forward to. I've had so much more energy with my new attitude.. I went running at the gym and for the first time in my life I ran so hard that I was glistening from sweat. It was so great to see.. something that made me feel more alive than ever.. and again this morning.. I was up earlier than I have been in weeks. Jumped in the shower and decided TODAY was the day and rode my bike to work. It was empowering getting to work a full 15 minutes early before anyone else. I really thought it would take a full hour to get to work and instead only 40 minutes. It was great hearing all my co-workers comments throughtout the day, really tickled over that I actually rode my bike to work. Some joked that I didn't have enough money to pay for gas, but ha I love my bike, I love biking, I love feeling alive out there... even though my freaking mp3 player crapped out only a mile from work.. I didn't mind.. I had the most beautiful views on the way to work today.. the air was cool and crisp, and the wind glided over me.. I felt the world anew today.. even the smell of dew on the grass didn't escape me.. so funny how just this decision has turned me in a complete 180....

WE COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED

Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have...My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes too, but I can't remember getting E-coli.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes we had no helmets.We played with toy guns, cowboys and Indians, army, cops and robbers, and used our fingers to simulate guns when the toy ones or my BB gun was not available.Some students weren't as smart as others or didn't work hard so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.

That generation produced some of the greatest risk-takers and problem solvers. We had the freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), the term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.We all took gym, not PE . . . and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors.

I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now. Flunking gym was not an option . . . even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.Every year, someone taught the whole school a lesson by running in the halls with leather soles on linoleum tile and hitting the wet spot.

How much better off would we be today if we only knew we could have sued the school system.Speaking of school, we all said prayers and the pledge and stayed in detention after school and caught all sorts of negative attention for the next two weeks. We must have had horribly damaged psyches.I can't understand it. Schools didn't offer 14 year olds an abortion or condoms (we wouldn't have known what either was anyway) but they did give us a couple of aspirin and cough syrup if we started getting the sniffles.

What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, PlayStation, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital cable stations. I must be repressing that memory as I try to rationalize through the denial of the dangers could have befallen us as we trekked off each day about a mile down the road to some guy's vacant lot, built forts out of branches and pieces of plywood, made trails, and fought over who got to be the Lone Ranger. What was that property owner thinking, letting us play on that lot? He should have been locked up for not putting up a fence around the property, complete with a self-closing gate and an infrared intruder alarm.

Oh yeah . . . and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played king of the hill on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48 cent bottle of Mercurochrome and then we got our butt spanked. Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked (physical abuse) . . . and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home.

Mom invited the door to door salesman inside for coffee, kids choked down the dust from the gravel driveway while playing with Tonka trucks (remember why Tonka trucks were made tough . . . it wasn't so that they could take the rough Berber in the family room), and Dad drove a car with leaded gas.

Our music had to be left inside when we went out to play and I am sure that I nearly exhausted my imagination a couple of times when we went on two week vacations. I should probably sue the folks now for the danger they put us in when we all slept in campgrounds in the family tent.Summers were spent behind the push lawnmower and I didn't even know that mowers came with motors until I was 13 and we got one without an automatic blade-stop or an auto-drive. How sick were my parents?Of course my parents weren't the only psychos. I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amok.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that we needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

angry and blessed

I'm angry.. that's it.. I'm angry. I'm angry at life for being unfair. I'm angry that someone so close to me is dead and she isn't here to laugh with me about stupid bullshit in life. I'm angry it's been 7 years and I still haven't found the way to deal with her or her daughters death. I'm angry that I sit here day in and day out not bettering myself when she is not on earth wishing she could be here bettering herself. I'm angry she's not here just to tell me that. I'm angry that I haven't felt her in years. I'm angry that I miss her smile. I'm angry that I'm forgetting the sound of her laugh. I'm angry that I loved her straight white teeth and I can't see them anymore. I'm angry I ever wasted any time fighting with her over stupid bullshit. I'm angry that I have let him win and take more than just Nicole and Jade away from me. I'm angry at God for allowing all this to happen. I'm angry that I want to get her story out there and haven't. I'm angry that I love someone that I can't see or touch in this world. I'm angry that Nicole didn't look like herself in her casket and that it never registered to me that it was HER laying there dead. I'm angry that Jade looked like a doll in her casket, as if she just lay down to take a nap after a morning of hard 2 year old play. I'm angry I can't recieve anymore special "ti-ti sissy" hugs from Jade or gaze at her awesome thick curley eyelashes. I'm angry that I didn't feel it immediately, that I didn't know until DAYS later. I'm angry that she died in the manner that she'd asked about before. I'm angry that she loved the song that explained her death. I'm angry I didn't see the WARNING signs flashing bright at me. I'm angry that I don't know all the fact and never will. I'm angry that I have so little of her here with me. I'm angry whenever I miss their birthdays or the anniversary of their death. I'm angry that even though I've been proved time and time again to enjoy each day on earth and to live it the fullest, that I don't. I'm angry that time does not heal all wounds. I'm angry that I miss her because I shouldn't be missing her. I'm angry I can't call her. I'm angry I can't email her. I'm angry I can't text her or stalk her on myspace. I'm angry that there are never enough roses, balloons, cards, words, memories, that can compare to what I want to give Nicole and Jade. I'm angry...



I'm blessed to have known her. I'm blessed to have heard the sound of her breath and her laugh both things I loved. I'm blessed to have been able to see Jades eyelashes and Nicole's perfectly white straight teeth. I'm blessed to have had a friend that loved me for me. I'm blessed to have the sight of Jades butterly barretts in her hair on her 1st birthday etched in my memory.. they moved rythemically as she walked and bounced. I'm blessed that I know where she is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days per year. I'm blessed that I can look at her pictures. I'm blessed that I have many great memories of Nicole. I'm blessed that my tears pour for her because it means that I give a shit about anyone else other than myself. I'm blessed that I know where her killer is... in jail where he belongs. I'm blessed to be sharing her story now.

crazy @zz weekend

Memorial Day weekend always seems crazy busy.. wheather we go camping, bbqs, whatever.. it's always nuts.. so this Memorial Day a friend of mine I met on myspace through WW decided to come out! She stayed with her husband at a hotel right by my work. We met on Friday night for drinks over at Bennigans and just hung out, talked, got to know each other a bit. Then Saturday we drove to Rockford, hit a really great restaurant that was cheap, had good food, and great service, then we went to the Japanese Botanic gardens.. really cheap $6 and interesting. We drove back to Elgin, hit the casino, lost $40 in less than 8 minutes.. but Norm (Amanda's husband) was winning.. so we stayed walked around a bit, then drove over to Al Capones. Hung out there, ate a wonderful dinner, then headed to Woodfield. Walked around Woodfield, got some new jeans, went to the Bath and Body Works, went back upstairs went to Improv for our FREE show! Had a few drinks a ton of laughs drove them back to their hotel.. hit a bbq in our hood until almost 2 am. Went home smelling of fire pit, fell asleep, woke up at almost 10am.. got in the shower, drove and met some old friends from Palatine, went to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch, then to go see Mike Castro at the cemetary. After that back to the Castro's for a bbq, hung out with the Castro's and some other high school friends I hadn't seen/talked to in years. Got to catch up a bit. Drove back to the hood and hit Sarah/Brian's bbq for a bit. Got there really late and they were done eating, just hanging outside near the fire pit, talking, drinking, playing bagg0. Went home fell asleep woke up late on Monday.. did NOTHING blissfully on Monday then actually got out to bike around 5:45 and biked up to Crystal Lake ate dinner at Duke O'Brians. Really full fun weekend. I was really exhausted but had a really great weekend.

Wendy is taking the boys to DC on June 11th to go see Heather. That should be fun for her.. a ton of driving! Not fun! I wanted Leif to be driving by now! Leif is going to his first interview today! whoot!

The angels took a flying leap and died...

yes... so I'm a WW fraud. I went and weighed in this month after being really good for 13 days and having the flu the last 2 days! Total fraud. I weighed in just at the 152 mark but that was after being up all night Wednesday into Thursday puking and shitting all night... and then this week has been a whirlwind of chocolate and total crap that I just don't normally eat. I can't get enough of the stuff. So I'm almost giving up on those angels singing this summer.. I don't know what my issue is but getting down to that glorious 140 mark just seems to get further and further from my mind. And this weekend will be a total food fest... friends from Ohio coming in, bbq's 3 of them to be exact plus they want to check out a few things.. Monday we have nothing going on so if someone wants to pass me the flu on Monday that could work...

because they'll never follow it anyway...

The answer to one of womens most sought out question... WHY MEN DON'T TAKE/ASK FOR DIRECTION OR INSTRUCTIONS????... basically because it's a waste of their freakin time because even if you tell them specifically in detail exactly what to do, they aren't going to do it anyway.. hence the reason why your kids computer desk had about 14 extra pieces when the desk was finished and it worked up until the day your kid was laying under the desk and had a monitor come crashing down on their face and later that day after your husband survey's the scene scratches his neck and says "ohhh that's what that little bar and bolt were for" uhh huhhh.. yeah fuckers. So ladies.. as usual just suck it up, and do the effing job yourself because it ain't getting done the way you wanted it done no matter how simple the task or it's just not getting done PERIOD. fuckers.. I'm out.

Advice or not???

I just left this message on my brother in law Jeff's wedding website. I thought it was funny enough to share and something I may want to look back on someday and laugh at!!

yes, you too will soon find that as soon as the words leave your mouth that you are getting married in x amount of time, that every person is jumping at the chance to give you some advice. So the week of our wedding I had to go in for my practice updo and make-up and on the way home I stopped at Jewel. So here I am in this stupid button down shirt, raggy jean shorts, perfect make-up & hair and my veil. Great look, I was really trying to start a trend. So this little old woman in front of me starts oohing and ahhing all over me asking me all sorts of questions. With that comes the advice. She says "I've been married for 152 years (seriously she could have farted dust she was really old) and I have the best piece of marriage advice that nobody ever told me" and I'm thinking THIS IS GREAT I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR IT!! I was so excited I was leaning into her as if she had the winning lottery numbers for that night and she was going to whisper them to me. So she says "when he wants to go out with the boys, you know nudie bar nights, fishing trips, whatever they call them nowadays you tell him to GO RIGHT AHEAD! Stay out all weekend, do whatever you want and HAVE A GREAT TIME!" and I'm standing there in total bewilderment thinking "why is this the GREATEST advice someone could give me that has been married forever?? So of course I asked her "why" and she says "so you can clean the house without that horses @zz getting in your way all weekend!" I laughed so hard, the tears made huge smears all the way down my face and even made it on my shirt.... so there it is... the best advice from a little old woman at Jewel.. you heard it here folks. Ladies, I hope you are still breathing, I know you are all sitting at your desks laughing your butts off!

Joining the ranks of my cat, Miss Chopped Liver

so here it is... every holiday without fail Tim's family in some way or fashion has always dissed me... wheather it be on purpose, accident, whatever it always happens and I walk away from every holiday with VERY hurt feelings. It's come to the point that I don't bring my son around them because I've come the conclusion that they just plainly don't want to include him in certain activities. They tend to play cards and it's just boring for a child the ages of 2-13 which are all the ages that he's been since they have met him. Of course, why would Mother's Day be an exception to the rule here. This year, I walk in to find that Tim's grandmother had brought carnations for all the MOTHERS not including me.. uhh okay.. whatever.. then again without fail I was missed for the holiday phone call. Each time we get together there is usually at least one person missing from the group. This year it was both of Tim's parents who moved to Arizona last July and Tim's brother Dave. Dave never got a family call this year, which seemed strange.. but Tim's mom did call at one point. The phone was passed around and as usual I was skipped. When it was figured out after the hang up that I was skipped, I did recieve a slew of apologies but this was the first time anyone even realized I was skipped. 11 years together and THIS the first holiday that anyone realized I was skipped... yeah.. being imaginary really stinks... and here is the kicker.. I've decided since I do not bring my son to their holidays, from now on that for Mother's Day I will simply not go and do something special with my son for the day. Simple, makes sense, I should be with MY SON on that day... of course Tim asks "what should I tell my family" you know what.. tell them to call me and ask me why I'm not there.. I don't have my son so I can spend the day with them, foregoing my time with MY SON on most major holidays, so they can ignore me? yeah, not happening anymore 11 years is enough and I was a mother before I stepped into thier lives. And so the cycle continues and I'm thinking in a few years that Kimberly or possibly Jessica may be pregnant and by the following year she'll/they'll have a babe in tow and they will of course celebrate her Mother's Day with her and bestow Mother's Day wishes/gifts on her, and I will sit a Mother of over 15 years (I do consider Leif to be my first son because I do take responsiblity for him simply because I adore him) and be ignored..

On the bright side, I did recieve a nice typed letter from my son, a few cards from my mom, sister, nephews, and a huge bunch of beautiful roses from my nephews for helping my sister with them this year. So Mother's Day wasn't a total bust. I also did recieve a few Mother's Day voicemails/texts from family/friends which was really appreciated!!

GUILTY!

Juan Luna was found GUILTY on all 21 counts yesterday at 6:30pm Chicago time! For once in my life I was so glad I was wrong. I had been predicting for weeks that he was going to walk on account of all the eff ups by not only Palatine PD but The Museum of Science and Industry. I had talked to Cathy a few times about it and she was sure that he was going to get convicted and then sing like a canary.. and I'm hoping that exactly happens so for once and for all we can know who exactly was involved and why. Channel 5 news inadvertantly called Mike "Manny" last night.. his fathers name.. which has really ticked me off.. I mean the guy got the death sentence for going to work, can you at least prounounce Michael correctly? Give the dead people, the innocent people the respect they desearve.. and I can only imagine his dad's reaction.. hopefully he didn't hear it. I'm fearing that we may never hear what really went down, what was going through their minds, what really set them on the spree... how someone could be so cold as others begged for their lives.. will they hear their voices for the remainder of their lives echoing in their minds as they serve out their days in prison? Will the images haunt them? Will they feel guilty? Will their family feel guilty? How could you be the mother of a murder? Would you feel guilty for giving birth to that person? Would you feel you failed the world for not being a better parent for not seeing the signs that your child was going down the wrong path? and that brings me to more questions.. I was asking this to Cathy last night.. we have heard that 4 other people asked for the night off that fatal Friday night... did Rico and Mike usually have the night off? Did they take the place of those that should have died? Would the entire scene have gone down as it did? One of the people "Bam Bam" had a temper in high school and was pretty strong.. I'm wondering if he could have gone crazy on them and beat the crap out of them.. or would the scene have played out into the restaurant? into the streets or parking lot? would their be blood spatters on windows, on the seats in the restaurant? Would some of them made it out a live if he would have put up a fight and not begged for his life as I imagine Mike and Rico did?


and today I sit and am wearing my new butterfly t-shirt that read "I'm not IMPRESSED" and a co-worker of mine comes up to me and says "I lost 4.8lbs at my weigh in last night" and I'm JUMPING up and down, screaming, shreiking, high fiving excited.. I guess my shirt isn't 100% correct today.. I got on the scale myself and was back up to 156.2.. ughhh I can't win....

Mother's Day weekend.. ohhhh did I mention Katie is preggers! Go ERIC! lol! full weekend.. tonight going out for dinner for Mother's Day, tomorrow breakfast with Tim (it's a date), tomorrow night dinner with Katie, Eric, Chrissy, and Devin then later Sunday is Lily's birthday party followed by Mother's Day at Tim's aunts house. whew.. another weekend I'm excausted just talking about!

chopped liver....???

Okay, so along goes the saying "what am I chopped liver?" I blog about Blue and my friend/co-workers dogs being put down.. and here I sit day in and day out not ever blogging about Sidney.. the best cat I could ever ask for and many people don't even know I own a cat! I got her from my sister's friend Amy before Tim and I met. She has been with me though a ton of crap in my life and always knows just when to approach me to snuggle when I cry. Her fur has been soaked with my tears time and time again. She is approaching her 14th birthday and as she's getting older Tim and I are starting to notice just little things that show us she is entering her older senior years. She is definately slower when climbing the stairs, she misses the counter when she jumps, she hangs on the banister and now sometimes falls, she has become much thinner in just a few months... she doesn't yet seem to be in any pain but I can tell she is becoming just a bit slower day to day... for whatever reason I only take her to the vet clinic at Pet-co for her annual shots. I've never had any reason to have to take her to a vet, she's never been sick or hurt. I would love to know just how long she'll last because I know I'll never be able to replace the most perfect cat. The cat that makes cat haters love cats, the cat that never makes messes, always goes in her litter box, gives you more love than you could ever ask for, and never has demanded anything in return expect to love her back. I know cats can live into their 20's, however, watching her slow down makes me think it will be sooner rather than later, and it saddens me because I know I'll never have a female cat as perfect as she... she plays fetch, talks, jumps up on your shoulders when you get home, and has mommy is sad radar. Tim has already announced that we will not be getting anymore animals after the ones we have now die, but I know I'll be on a quest not long after Sidney passes.. and I know I'll never be able to replace her, but I know I'll try.

The last cookie feast

so long ago.. in the days before Weight Watchers there was this day.. a day unlike any others in my life. a day I thought of today only because I had blogged earlier about a friends move. and it brought me back to one of the days after we had moved all of our furniture and belongings out of our first home we owned. For a first home for a young couple (we were both 21 when we got married) the house we bought was freaking gigantic. It was a large American Four Square around 3,000 square feet. It boasted 3 stories on top of a finished basement with a bar, a huge front porch, a brick patio, a desk, and a sun porch, a bathroom the size of a bedroom and an old world charm. Having been built in the later 1800's in resembled my great grandma Rachel's and great grandpa Nick's home on their farm where they raised their 11 children in Riceville Iowa. My mother and grandmother both cried the first time they walked through her doors... the first time I walked through her doors I asked our realtor "are you sure this is in our price range?" and then refused to walk through the rest of the house because "this is it" I didn't even need to see the house.. It felt right.. all the little adjustments made over the years, the years of people living within those walls... the laughter that filled the rooms wall to wall year to year... it was so old I was sure there was a ghost living there although I never saw or felt one.. the house had been struck by lightening a few times and had also had a huge fire in it at another point in time. The reminder in the dining room where one corner of the wood floor sunk as you walked over it. The rest of the living room carpeted with only a perfect square cut out to show the beautiful gleaming wood floor.. ahh I loved those wood floors.. every bedroom had them.. the stair case the same dark wood stain... every door way and moulding... all the same... so this brings me to our last feast... like I had said, we had already moved everything out.. we stopped there just one last time to clean out the fridge, throw some stuff on the curb for the garbage men, and breathe in one last time in our first home together. We had almost a full gallon of milk and as I went through the pantry (that was the size of a bathroom I might add) I found a box of thin mint cookies... somehow I managed to scrimmage up a few glasses (I think some old solo cups from a party that was in the bar in the basement) and Tim and I sat on a folding chair and the edge of a desk looking out the side dining room window watching cars go by as we ate those cookies one by one... I remember that day as if it was yesterday, but alas it was over 4 years ago... February of 2003... the same type day for me was January 17, 1987 the day I moved from my childhood home in Palatine to Arlington Heights.. our new house.. the home that my parents had worked so hard for years to be able to buy.. my mom becoming a nurse and then stashing away each of her paychecks in FULL only to save more and more for this dream house she always wanted... We searched high and low for the dream house and somehow we always came back to the DOVER.. "we want the Dover" we would chant over and over to my dad.. and of course with 3 girls humming that in your ear day and night eventually he gave in. They did put $ down on another home in Lake Zurich an Essex. My tax guy now lives in the exact property that my parents had put $ down on, and he too built an Essex on that property.. the house would have never worked for our family. My grandmother needed to live on the first floor and the Dover offered 2 master bedrooms, 1 on the first floor and another on the 2nd floor.. my dad refused to stick me in a small bedroom on the 2nd floor so he opted to only put one full bath on the 2nd floor.. it always worked out okay for our family.. we had come from a house that was less than 1,000 sq feet 2 bedrooms, a living room, and a kitchen all visable from the front door. So coming into this huge house was fine for us, we didn't care.. there was still 3 toliets in the house.. always a way to at least pee! lol! So there I was that last day in my childhood home... the home I loved, the only home I knew.. and what I didn't know I'd miss the most would be the grass.. we had this HUGE yard with the thickest most lush grass I've ever seen.. in the summer it was always damp and cool and great to lay in under the huge trees, in the fall it was always covered by leaves, and any other time I just never paid attention to it until we moved to the new house and had crappy grass that just never really took no matter how hard my dad tried. I've always tried to really stop myself in lives little momments to take a breath.. and the day of our move one of our kitchen table chairs sat on the front porch so I sat in it.. and the guys continued moving furniture and boxes around me as I sat.. I looked across the street at "Grandpa Earls" house the old man that gave out candy daily to the kids in the neighborhood who came to visit him, and Jeff and Janet's house the young couple from California.. the husband a busy professional computer geek employed by Motorola.. but who had ever heard of them in 1987... Jeff Peelers house.. one of the painters on our block who owned this great red stingray that he offered my mom to buy for $5,000 which she now regrets not buying from him as it would have cost us another 50 cents a month on our new mortgage... Si & Dottie's house.. the older couple who had grown kids, and now grandchildren my age who had helped my parents when they were a young couple just starting out... The Corrado's.. a mine, yours, and ours family.. he a faithful Catholic with his children had remarried to a woman who had 2 children of her own and they had another child together.. The Walgren's house.. they had since moved out but it hadn't been long since my friend Linnea had lived there too.. I wanted to remember everything about that day, about that house, about that neighborhood.. I wanted to breath and stop life and for a few minutes.. I did..

sleepy Blue smell..

Yes.. it's something I'm totally addicted to.. the smell of Blue after he sleeps. It smells like Frito chips... weird huh? It's very intoxiating to me and I don't even know why because I hate Frito's! lol! But for whatever reason this morning I awoke with my baby right next to my chest facing me... and there he was just looking at me half asleep.. the air was cool and crisp outside of our little warm caccoon and I could tell behind the drapes that the sun was warm and bright. Another beautiful day beginning... so I just lay there as long as I could until almost 7:30 then I got us up and as I pick up my sleeping puppy he made some sort of a whine and of course I answered him with "Yeah I know, I'd rather stay in bed all day and sleep with you too" of course followed by a kiss on the top of his perfect little velvet head.

And so I adore him more every day with reminders in the background that each day is precious.. Amy (my co-worker & friend) had to put her beloved 12 year old beagle Holly to sleep on Monday... something that has been a long time coming since she was diagnosed with cancer almost 2 years ago. Amy made the right decision for the dog, she was old, tired, not eating, what she did eat she threw up, she was losing weight really fast, and the life was just sucked out of her.. it wasn't even her anymore. Amy looked at Holly and knew the time had come to make the descision and like any other time in Amy's life of course this too came within the days of a joyous event. Amy's daughters first birthday was April 24th and the party set for the 28th. Amy's husband talked with the vet and tried to find a way to make this the easiest way possible considering that family from out of town would be in and he didn't want Holly dying overshadowing every crevice of what should remembered as a joyous event. The vet agreed and they made the appointment for Monday following the party. Amy spent Sunday with Holly the entire day by her side. I can only imagine that she stroked her fur and cuddled her head in her hands and kissed her over and over. Amy tried to prepare herself the best she could for the event, however, when all has been said and done she states she wasn't prepared in the least... something coming for 2 years, however, there was no way to prepare her for the actual event.. calling the vet to discuss costs was completely morbid and the words could barley come out of her mouth over the phone. When she reached the vets office she had to stand in the waiting room holding Holly in a pink blanket. She said Holly was shaking, and the vets assistant held her as she died... she asked if it was over and it was... she left the vet holding the blanket in total shock.. not knowing what to believe.. and she went home to grieve..

Also our friends Amy & Ron had to put their 12 year old pekanise (sp?) Cody to sleep just the weekend prior. He was old, having accidents, blind, had problems with his legs, starting nipping at their 1 year old son.. it was time. They seemed to have moved on with their lives by the time I saw them on the following Saturday but then again they were really busy with their move...

And again this morning on the WW chat rooms one lady was speaking about how she took time off during the day yesterday to go with her mom and brother to go put her mothers 14 y.o. lab to sleep... again.. all old dogs.. all had wonderful lives with owners that loved and cared for them.. what a decision to have to make for them.

Of course that brings me to my question.. I've been thinking about this for some time as my co-worker Amy has had many run ins with the fatal decision to finally put this dog to sleep... every couple months she'd take a turn for the worse and she'd say "it's time" and "I can't do this anymore" but making the actual decision to walk into that vets office and to walk out after telling someone and paying someone to kill your pet.. it makes me wonder why is there not that option for humans? or why the option for pets has ever been discovered.. it's a horrible descision to have to make and I know especially on a day like today where I got to lay in bed for a few precious momments and just bask in my love for my puppy, that the day that I make that decision will be one of my worst days...

So here is to Holly, Cody, and my WW'ers moms lab... you were loved here on earth and your owners miss you....

Happier than a pig in shit

Yeah, so last night I'm laying in bed EXHAUSTED waiting to fall asleep and I realize that this is it.. I couldn't be any happier.. I've got my husband on my side his huge HEAVY arm resting on my gut making it hard to breathe, my 5lb chihuahua sleeping between my legs so I can't move them and they are already starting to tingle, and my cat laying on my chest head butting me and licking my face every so often PURRING LIKE A TRACTOR... yeah and that's how I'd want it to be... life is good...

All that after leaving work, going home to let my dog out, riding my bike to Julies, walking for about 50 minutes with Julie before she had to leave for her WW meeting, having Tim, Jim, Kim, and Adam meet me at Julie's to take an evening ride... get home around 8pm.. Tim threw the pork chops on the grill, I got busy making an amazing strawberry and kiwi fruit salad and steamed carrotts with dillweed and a half hour later we sat down to dinner... watched a little tv with Blue, cleaned up the kitchen, took the dog out, and up to bed where the aforementioned was the way in which I fell asleep.

again... LIFE IS GOOD... and where did that saying come from anyway??? Happier than a pig in shit? huh? I'll have to look that one up.

Tim & I also had a really great weekend. Friday night I went running and we wound up going out for a late dinner over at Wendy's then driving over to his new work site. In case you haven't heard Tim's work is moving DIRECTLY across the street from me which has sparked us talking about biking to work in the summer. Then Saturday we helped Ron and Amy move from Belevidere to McHenry, which I found where the bike path leads right next to their subdivision (the same one we take North to DQ in Crystal Lake) so of course that sparked a "let's ride up to Ron and Amy's house" talk... then we were going to go to Body Worlds.. of course they stopped selling the tickets on line.. so we wound up hitting up CiCi's around 8:30pm and watching a movie and falling asleep.. Sunday I was up early and ready to go go go.. but of course Tim was tired, wanted to hang out in front of the tv... but the sun was shining, the neighborhood was alive.. so I took the dog for a walk around the hood then got home and Tim and I hit up Ace Hardware... we finally bought a patio table!!!! YEAH WE CAN EAT OUTSIDE! Yippee!! We wound up riding up to Village Squire for dinner, ate out on their patio (yeah that makes sense) then rode home.. that was our entire weekend in a nutshell..

I'm exhausted just talking about the last 4 days in my life.. no wonder I could fall asleep right here right now sitting up at my desk.. ughh

I'm exhausted but happier than a pig in shit.. don't forget...

I blame it all on the Devil

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the
Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and
Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said,
"You want chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!"
and Woman said, "and as long as yo u're at it, add some sprinkles."
And they gained 10 pounds.
And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt
that Woman might keep the figure
that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour
from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island
Dressing, buttery croutons and
garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their
belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you
heart healthy vegetables,
and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish
and chicken-fried steak so big
it needed its own platter.
And Man gained more weight and
his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake,"
and said, "It is good."
Satan then created choc o late cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes
so that His children might lose
those extra pounds.
And Satan gave cable TV with
a remote control so Man would not
have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light
and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and
brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin
and sliced the starchy center
into chips and deep-fried them.
And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man
might consume fewer calories
and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's
and its 99-cent double cheeseburger.
Then said, "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created
quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.

as her wings open...

So here we are.. on the cusp of another beautiful weekend... a weekend that will hopefully mark the end of short cold days here in the midwest. Walking without layers of clothing, smelling the bbq's in the neighborhood, the bright blue sky, the clear crisp water, the grass perfect green strong and thick, the perfect white puffy clouds above, the sun beaming with a special brightness... a newness that only happens on those first days of spring where the world once again becomes alive... and this weekend special in it's own... Earth Day is Sunday, our neighborhood cleanup to commence... a bbq on Sunday to follow, the joy of happy faces, joking, laughing talking... Saturday the baptism of our newest life addition Irina (peace and love), followed by spending the rest of the day with family.. another perfect way to spend the beautiful weekend with family... catching up with one another, getting to know our new addition, playing with Reilly & Roman... and tonight Tim, Dylan, and I will celebrate Tim's brother's birthday at Emmetts.. a perfect way to start such a great weekend... I couldn't be any happier with a weekend like this planned to perfection.. and here she is mother nature opening her wings, spreading her wings, enveloping us in the creation sitting dormat all winter waiting to be renewed... she stands proud looking down at us, protecting us, carefully planning her next move.. her balance, her strength.. total awe on my part.

Happy 63rd Birthday Dad!

Well in tradition it seems I am going to continue and talk about my dad, on this his 63rd birthday.. btw, I missed the 12th being my parents 38th wedding anniversary... so here it is.. another birthday in April (I've got a ton of them in April, friends, family, etc you name it.. everybody was fucking in July/August the year before) so today I decided to call my dad and wish him a happy birthday. We celebrated his and Dylans birthday together because my greedy husband didn't want to share his birthday with anyone else because his whole life he had to share with his two brothers both ALSO born in April... so of course today my mom forgot my dad's birthday.. that's a big WHOOOOPS! anyway.. so as it turned out my dad spent yesterday with some old friends going to the city to see a friend who has been in a coma since March 31st. I guess he got in a car accident. Anyway.. I the guy had 20 chihuahua's and 2 guard dogs and of course my dad wanted one of the chihuahua's... of course they've already been turned over to a no kill shelter.. ughh not fun.. I'm trying to figure out which shelter they could have gone to, but petfinder is not showing any shelters in Chicago that have more than 1 chihuahua.. strange.. ahhh oh well.. I found one no kill shelter in the city and emailed them to see if maybe they are the shelter that recieved them.. so sad.. so we'll see..

So I 've come to the realization just in the past month or so that my dad has spoiled my sister and I... we grew up with a guy who could fix ANYTHING, got certain things done around the house, plus of course all his normal jobs like walking/taking care of the animals, garbage, yard work, etc. He's always working on some project or another and here my sister and I sit thinking that the guys we'll marry or be with will be somewhat the same.. wrong.. so there you have it.. my sister and I have the dad standard and there are no guys in this day and age that can stand up to that standard... those are some big shoes to fill! lol!

The Palatine Curse

so there it is.. there in writing.. I've come to the conclusion (years ago) that those of us growing up in Palatine are cursed... somehow someway there is a curse.. the worst things in life have happened to those of us who grew up there.. a quiet little town where nobody ever locks their doors has turned inside out and became a place of murder amongst other horrible things... I'm guessing that for me the start of the Brown's Chicken murder trials this week is bringing up all these memories and emotions... we started with the Browns Chicken murder those days surrounding that still haunt me... the wakes the funerals, the emotions.. the silence that followed those days... , then we had a guy who at 16 years old had a heart attack and fell off the shelf in the gym.. we could hear another gym teacher doing CPR over her little microphone... then we had Connie's murder... funny how her murder was exactly as her mother had described a possible murder in a house they lived in in Arlington Hts when she was first married to Connie's father... the ghosts still had a daily revisit that murder, the red stain at the foot of the stairs her mother tried over and over to get out and eventually gave up... her wake was surreal, her widow's peak wasn't in the middle as it always had been, but now off to one side... something I'll never forget. Nicole.. one of my greatest friends in jr high and h.s. one of the people who really helped me through some tough spots in my life.. I can still remember the way she laughed, her perfectly white straight teeth (even though she never had braces), the days she had so much eye make up on that little black sleeper creepers would be in the corners of her eyes, the way she would pass my locker and give me the evil stare on days that we were fighting... the day we sat in her kitchen writing poems together... and her daughter Jade.. born 1 month early very very tiny.. she was like a little doll.. but perfectly healthy.. I want to say she was under 5lbs the day I met her... she had the longest most perfect eyelashes.. and as she got older she'd come and give you kisses and hugs even if she didn't know you.. she loved life, and she loved to simply love... her casket so tiny, her body as if she just layed down to nap, her hair perfect, her eyelashes still long, thick, and curly.. Jade would have turned 9 this Sunday (April 15th, I always teased Nicole for giving birth on tax day).. and Nicole.. just didn't even look like herself.. it still isn't something that has fully registered.. there is no grave markers for them, it's not written in stone.. as if I still think the phone will ring and she'll ask me why I haven't called her in so long... and the stories don't end there.. Karl, killing his mother.. as he was shown on the news he had a similar appearance to my husband Tim.. weird how I only dated Karl for a very short time.. makes me wonder what would have been different in my life.. and now if you search for Karl.. the story is gone.. no traces of him anywhere.. I've googled and looked on the Illinois prison lists.. he's gone.. vanished.. does that mean he killed himself? does that mean he wound up in a mental institution? Along with those major ones that effected me personally are many other stories.. really sad stories filled with tragic scenarios most of which were situations out of control of the person they happened to.. not anything they brought on.. some genetics/health related.. some being in the wrong place at the wrong time.. so here we stand always waiting for that ball to drop, good days always lined in the thought that bad news will be there waiting tomorrow...

WHAT THE FUCK?

Okay.. it's APRIL 11TH and it's SNOWING.. the Cubs game today will probably be cancelled.. it's really cold out probably in the lower 30's but it feels like the lower 20's... and the snow is slushy/wet nasty.. it was hailing on the way to work..

not a PEEP!

so there it is.. I've written it down HERE and it's documented... I went an ENTIRE Easter season with not one PEEP touching my lips... I had one piece of Easter candy, it was a piece of chocolate I bought for the candy dishes in our house... I also discovered this weekend that my favorite Jewel cake.. I don't like anymore.. not really at all.. it doesn't do anything for my mouth... I couldn't wait to get back to work and back to my normal routine of fruit, veggies, and lean meat.. it's ALL good!

Let's get ready to..... STUMBLE!!

So for Tim's birthday party today.. he comes out in this t-shirt that reads "let's get ready to stumble" PERFECT!! so I ask him where he got the shirt. he says I bought it for him... hmm I did? it has a shamrock on it so I say.. "oh yeah I got it for you for St Patricks day" then my mom shows up and says "hey that's the shirt I got Tim" ha! so that's where the shirt came from! lol! The party was great there was a bunch of people there, some people didn't make it.. we had a ton of food, plenty of beer/pop/wine coolers, and great friends... it was really a relaxing time.. ughh cleaning before and after sucks my ass.. but what can I say.. I'm pretty sure Tim had a good time because around 1 am I noticed he was missing and I ran upstairs to check on him.. passed out in his t-shirt and matching boxers... the boxers I bought him for St Patricks day are different green/white checked! Sooo totally cute.. oh his cake was a hit! if your lucky I'll post a pic of it next blog!

Happy 30th Birthday Timmy....

so here it is.. Tim's 30th birthday.. the day I've been planning a surprise party for for over a year... yeah, and as the date came closer it became apparent it was going to be impossible to have a surprise party for him.. especially after the train wreck my "surprise" party became... the residue that *still* rings around my "30th birthday" will not be something I'll forget for years to come... and so on Tim's birthday I'll recount the day he was born JUST KIDDING! Thank god I *wasn't* there!! but instead, I'll recount the day I realized he was on earth.. the day we met.... my favorite question to ask couples "how did you meet?" so here it is... I was living with this @zzhole Chris who was mentally/emotionally abusive, had short man syndrome, and was super controlling.. wow.. it sounds like I'm describing Tom Cruise! lol! anyway.. I was working at Market Facts and I had this secret friend Ed. He was the one person who *really* knew what was going on my life and I talked to every time we worked together. He was secret because it was one friendship I didn't want Chris to destroy! So one night the security guard down stairs calls up to our department and tells our supervisor that some people were downstairs to see Ed. So Ed tells our supervisors he's not going down there because he was on the phone with his girlfriend and could only talk to her for a few more minutes before she had to get off the phone and do homework. So I told him that I was just about to go downstairs to buy a pop anyway and I'd let his friends know... (okay.. I'm not a pop drinker, never have been really.. so THIS day why I was going to buy a pop is still a huge mystery to me) so I walked down the stairs in my favorite skin tight size 6 jeans, with my red t-shirt and old flannel.. as I walked down the stairs I was looking at this group of guys all watching me come down the stairs.. but it was Tim, the tallest standing in the back, with the brightest most intense blue eyes watching me descend that caught my attention.. and even though he did little or no talking and I talked to his friends (whom to this day I have no clue who was even with him) I could feel his eyes almost burning into me.. it was sorta strange... and of course they wouldn't leave with me just telling them that Ed wasn't coming down.. they handed me a piece of Phil's mustang (the whole reason they came there to tell Ed that Phil hit the park) and sent me back upstairs to tell Ed to come downstairs... of course I gave him the piece of mustang and he still didn't go downstairs.. so once I again I ran down and told them that he was being dork and wouldn't come down and he said he'd call them later.. after that Ed told me every day Tim would ask about me.. if I was at work, if I was okay, what was going on in my life.. Tim was dating another girl at the time and so was I... I remember one day I was in Sandy's office (our manager in our dept) and Ed and I were on speaker phone with Tim and they were talking about going up to Corey's cabin in WI for the weekend.. and I said "ughhh I sooo *wish* I could go" and Tim of course said I could go if I wanted to go and I said "yeah but where am I gonna sleep" and he said I could sleep with him! wow... after that I got his # and we started talking on the phone here and there secretly and one day he asked me "do I have a snowballs chance in hell in ever dating you" and from there.. those words stuck... Tim was all I thought about no matter what was going on around me... one day we were on the phone, I was at the apartment waiting for my sister to show up with Leif so she could go to boxing and I could hang out with him.. as my sister walked through the door I was just saying to Tim "if I had any balls at all I'd pack my shit and leave while Chris is at work" and my sister went into action just packing my shit.. I started laughing and told Tim and he said "I've got 3 trucks and 5 guys here, want us to come over?" 30 minutes later he was at the apartment with a puppy (I never found out where that puppy went either) and we started moving everything out.. it didn't take long.. we got everything back to my parents house and he drove me to work.. I never looked back... we've been together since...

So tonight Timmy on your 30th birthday, we'll go out and have a nice dinner just the two of us and then party our asses off tomorrow with all our friends!!!

HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY BABY!!

GOD threw me a bone...

So yeah.. I think God threw me a bone just to shut my ass up about the whole "ma'm" bit.. but ya know.. this one offended me, so now I'm just mad at society for having guideline ideas about how people should look.. so here's the story.. I took the day off from work yesterday so I could spend a day with my son while he is on Spring Break.. and as you all know he turned 13 on Monday the same day I turned 30 1/2.. yes.. Dylan was born on my half birthday! lol! anyway.. so the whole reason I took off was so I could take him bowling for $1 per game at the alley around the corner from my house. So I told him I had a ton of stuff to do for the party I wanted to get done on my day off, the biggest project grocery shopping.. so he said that he wanted to go to Woodmans at 5am and get it done with so we could bowl all day! lol! yeah right.. so he didn't wake up until 11:30am which I had already taken a shower, cleaned up the computer room, taken the dog out a few times, etc. He only woke up when his dad and grandma started calling his cell phone ever 2 minutes and then he woke up with a fire under his ass ready to go! So off we went.. first to Wal-Mart to get plates and stuff.. we are almost done and he announces he wants to go buy an air soft gun with his own $$.. okay fine.. so we walk back to the camping/fishing section and I get my sterno for the party and he looks at guns.. He wanted to pay back there so this gentleman who was a dead ringer for Don Sutherland has to ask if either of us is 18.. and at first I think he's joking.. then I realize he's not.. he asked if I was his sister or cousin! OMG.. no I'm his mother.. so I laugh, he was nice about it, and totally innocent about it.. anyway.. so we leave go to Woodmans.. we load up 1 cart of beer, wine coolers, etc.. go up to pay.. the cashier starts lecturing me on bringing a minor who is "not my son" into a liquor store! Okay.. I totally missed what you said "what??" again she said "because really he's not YOUR son you can not legally bring him into a liquor store" okay... again I'm totally lost and really confused.. "HE IS MY SON, HE TURNED 13 ON MONDAY THE SAME DAY I TURNED 30 1/2" and she gives me a look like YEAH RIGHT.. so I kept going "wanna see my stretch marks to PROVE it?? I was 17 when I had him, do the math" then all of a sudden she's apologetic (after she got a good chance to look at my drivers license) and OMG you look so young and all that. Yeah, whatever biatch.. just stop jumping to conclusions before you start lecturing people in the store.. asswipe!

So yeah.. God threw me a bone but I only got to enjoy it or be frusterated by it by oh.. 4.5 seconds because once outside of Woodmans.. IT WAS SNOWING! oh yeah.. It's April and SNOWING! We both had only worn sweatshirts so we kept racing around everywhere.. it was not fun! f'in mother nature... again I'll say it.. she's no CHRIS ROCK! sorry this isn't FUNNY! we need SPRING, WARM WEATHER, AND THE F'IN SUN BACK!

So there it is...... God thinks he's a f'in comedian now too!

Happy 13th Birthday Dylan!

So here it is.. a day I seriously can not believe is upon us.. Dylan is 13.... wow.. I can not believe my little guy is 13, 13.. geez I just can't get it through my head... and in a month and half exactly Leif will be eligible for a drivers permit, and another month after that Sam will be 9... and we'll be on to the even grades... Sam 4th, Dylan 8th, and Leif 10th.. ughh I just can not get my brain around it all... so today I'll take the time to recount the day he was born... Friday, April 1st 1994, APRIL FOOLS DAY (but of course) and better yet Good Friday... I took the day off from work to go pick Leif up from his babysitter Melissa's house because we suspected that she was in some way ignoring him during the day and we wanted to catch her. The night before I attended my first Lamaze class and the day before was to be my last day at work, however, they hadn't found anyone to replace me yet so they asked me to come in the following week to work and maybe train the new girl. So it was any day like any other, I was painting my nails, took a shower, etc. Dan came home for lunch just because I was home and not at work. He walked in and made some comment like "I just thought I'd come home" so I said "let me pee and I'll come down and make you something to eat" so I walk in the bathroom sit down and start to pee... but the pee isn't stopping.. so I sorta stand up and look in the toilet and it's RED... so I think OMG IT'S MY MUCAS PLUG! lol! if I only knew.. so I yelled to Dan to come call the doctor, he came upstairs looked in the toilet and knew something was wrong.. he said it was too red. I sat down again and the blood was just pouring out of me. I had thought I was peeing and it was all blood. My mom just happened to be running errands and wasn't home, so Dan ran and called the doctor and the doctor said call 9-1-1 and get her to the er immediately.. If we had done that I wouldn't have been able to deliver at Condell with the dr I wanted. So I said no, let's just go to Condell.. so of course it's Good Friday about 12:30 in the afternoon and there is construction all the way up to the hospital.. and maybe 25 minute drive turns into an hour and half drive when everybody else is trying to get out of work and start their holiday weekend a bit early... so here I am stacked up on beach towels while Dan is arguing with traffic. We get to the ER they take me in.. and funny thing was the bleeding had stopped.. they took me upstairs and started running test after test. I told them I was having back labor, they hooked me up to the monitor and said that I wasn't.. whatever... f'in fools.. (later my mom looked at the strip and figured out that the back labor was registering just very faintly because it was in my back and the monitors only monitor the front) anyway.. so they start ultrasounds on me to see how big he was, they said he was 6lbs 8oz and told my mom they weren't sure what was going to happen, that they could lose the both of us in the process.. my placenta had detached from the uterus wall and I was hemorrhaging.. so I labored through the night with Dan and my sister by my side the whole way.. no drugs.. I kept getting up to puke and poop.. sitting on the toilet was the most comfortable I could get. They wanted me to walk, then the wanted me in bed.. and I kept looking at the clock hoping to make it to midnight so my son would not be born on April fools day.. I hit midnight then I was praying to make it to April 3rd because it was my grandfathers birthday and Easter and I felt it had meaning... but at one point I looked at the clock and decided that by morning it would be over and done with.. I was right.. around 6am the nurse came in to do some practice pushes.. she explained that most women don't know which muscles to use and get frustrated and just wind up using all their energy up early in hard labor. So she explained what to do, I did it and he crowned.. "oooohhhhh nooo" was all I hear from here.. her next words "umm I better go call the dr he's playing golf right now" umm what? okay.. you came in here to do practice pushes and he pops out and the dr isn't even on his way? WTF is that? so my sister and Dan helped me breathe through an HOUR of contractions.. yes an hour.. the dr finally walks in and says "umm do I have time to wash up and get in some scrubs" yeah.. I've been fucking breathing through an hour of contractions with him stuck in my birth canal and his head sticking out.. might as well jackass! So off he ran, he comes back in, 2 pushes later my baby is born.. 7:03 am. My sister followed him around the room calling out everything he did.. "he's PEEING" nice! the plumbing works! lol! After Dylan I delivered a blood clot the size of a large softball, the dr stitched me up and Dylan was whisked away to the nursery.. we didn't get to hold him only touch him his first day of life.. he was under a huge bubble.. he was in the NICU and I had to go down to see him. I was released exactly 25 hours after I gave birth.. Easter Sunday and I went home that day without my baby... really sad day...

anyway.. today is also my half birthday which makes me 30 and half.. not so good! ughhhh.. feeling a little down today.. we'll see how my day goes!

could this be the REAL me?

this is Dylan's birthday weekend.. so I knew there would be eating on the menu.. after much back and forth he decided on Gino's East. i figured I'd get a salad and be done with it.. of course upon getting there I find they had soup so I ordered a cup, then Tim ordered some garlic rolls, then we ordered just a pizza. Deep dish pepperoni of course. It was all good, but not O good.. ya know.. then we went to the mall to get Dylan's birthday gifts. I figured I'd let him pick them out because I had no clue what he'd want. So we're in the mall and I decide I want ice cream.. I head over to Baskin Robbins and order up 2 scoops of chocolate peanut butter... so I'm sitting in the mall scooping up the ice cream and I realize.. I'M NOT EVEN TASTING THE STUFF! What? take another bite.. NOTHING! Okay, I just spent almost $4 on this I'm gonna eat it.. so I ate around the big PB chunks and still nothing.. so whatever... this is very confusing to me that my tastes have changed that much that #1 I was mad I spent the $$, #2 I was mad I didn't even really taste it, #3 I had to tell Tim that from now on if I say I want ice cream to tell me that I don't even taste it anymore... very strange.. strange.. yes very strange....

JUST KILL ME!

I sooo forgot to post this.. it was the worst moment of my life.... not turning 30, not being pregnant at 16 or having a baby with severe medical problems at 17, not losing my grandmother a few years ago, or the moment I found out my best friend had been murdered (okay, that tops pretty high up there too) anyway. I'm getting overly dramatic here.. but it was pretty bad.. it was just one of those moments in time that actually stop you dead in your tracks and the world stops for just long enough for everything to go in slow motion around you... you can actually hear yourself breathing, and feel yourself thinking because you are so confused it takes some time to process... and here it is.... Dylan wanted to go bowling SO BAD the last few times he's been at our house... but bowling is pretty darn expensive especially when bowling 3 games each only taken an hour and costs you just shy of $50.. it's just not a form of entertainment I'd like to drop that much dough on.. but it's fun... so finally we got to go on Friday night. Cosmic bowling night.. we get there and there is a half hour wait, so we didn't have our bowling shoes so we put our name on the list and rushed home to get our shoes. We get back and we still wound up waiting almost another half hour.. so we get our lane and next to us is this guy bowling by himself.. obviously someone who is there all the time.. he just walked in, didn't have to wait for a lane, nothing.. most of the time one of the people that worked there was sitting talking with him about his "game". On the other side we had a couple probably in their early 20's, next to them was a rowdy GROUP of mostly guys and a handful of girls probably in their mid 20's.... so we started our games... I got my highest score ever 164, I was damn proud, Tim hit every pin except the last frame and wound up with a 195 so of course he was totally ticked... Dylan did okay.. he was bowling in the low 100's which for a 13 year old isn't bad... but the world stopping, slow motion, punch in the gut moment happened somewhere during our 2nd game... I stepped up to bowl just as both the guys on either side of me stepped up to bowl. The "professional" guy on my right was already walking up to throw the ball and the guy next to me looked at me and said "go ahead m'am" OHHHHH MY FUCKING GOD KILL ME NOW! someone called me m'am! What the hell? I'm 30 not 70!!! The guy couldn't have been 5-7 years younger than me and he calls me m'am! Kill me.. just kill me... horrible.. just horrible...

I'm still amazed......

So today I went walking at lunch and looked down and saw I'm wearing a pair of capri's that I bought during last summer. It still amazes me that from season to season I can still fit in the same clothes and they still fit pretty much the same! This WW stuff has me thinking all the time about my body! It's so strange to be able to grab something off the shelf in my closet and KNOW it will fit and will look okay on me! A M A Z I N G!!!!

Religous delemma's.....

yes, so last night Tim was cleaning the garage and asked me if I wanted to decorate for Easter. With his birthday party coming up in two weekends I figured it would be nice to have the house decorated for Easter considering Easter is the very next day (April 8th). So I brought out all the little bunnies and chicks and put them in various places around the house. I didn't take my allergy pills last night so as I lay awake thinking somehow I got to thinking about Jesus hanging on the cross dead and rising again 3 days later which is now our Easter Sunday. So my question is, how do we know he was dead to begin with? With medical science we now know that we buried George Washington alive. He had leach therapy and they sucked so much blood out of him, his heartbeat was so faint they thought he was dead. They buried him and years later, unburied him and discovered scratch marks in the top of his coffin.. this must have happened time and time again because eventually people were buried with a string around their finger which was then attached to a bell and someone had to stand watch in the graveyard to make sure that within a few days that the bell did not ring. If it did, they unburied the person.. hence the phrase "dead ringer". Anyway.. so Jesus was whipped for hours bleeding all over the place then he had to drag his cross miles bleeding the whole way, then they nailed him to the cross, again bleeding all over the place... so where is there proof that he stopped breathing that his heart stopped beating and he was clincally dead? We have no proof... in fact, while we are on the topic of the big J.C. I'd like to know what person in today's day and age would believe any teenager that came up preggers and declared they had never had relations with any man.. yeah right.. sorry, I'm having issues in religious beliefs today... I believe that humans need to follow rules and laws, otherwise we'd be out there killing each other over road rage and other stupid things, and I'm all for treating others how you would want to be treated.. but believing stories when only 1 in 5,000 people could actually write in that day and time... I dunno.. leaves a tons of holes in those stories.. too many questions, too many medical facts that today are common knowledge.. hmmmm any comments?

a weekend with the boys...

and here we are again ladies and gents, facing another weekend with the boys! So again I'll be trying to get out of work on Friday at 4 so I can zoom around from Elgin to Crystal Lake, then up to Round Lake Beach, and back to Carpentersville all in around 3 hours time.. ughh I'm hating that drive.. but whatever.. it's gotta be done. soooo what to do with the boys *this* weekend.. well we have all 3 for the entire weekend sooooo I know Tim wants to go buy some new XBOX games and an extra controller, I want to buy a new cell phone, and I want to take them to Panera to eat! Yumm!! Don't know what else.. it will probably be gorgeous out too! ughh oh and Tim already said "no Violet" ughh I feel bad for her.. locked up all weekend with no kids!

My husband the GODFATHER, Leif the pole annilator, Dylan the homework escapee, and Sam, umm and Sam... uhh yeah, the good kid!!

I have absolutely NOTHING to write about Sam. He was his normal happy kid self this weekend. That kid just goes with the flow and doesn't say boo about anything.

ANYWAY, the big news is that Tim was asked to be the GODFATHER of Irina (my cousins 3rd child that was just born on Valentines Day). My sister will be the Godmother and already it's been a whirlwind of plans... planning the baptism that is! We're trying to hold it at our family church Miller Chapel in Johnsburg. That has been fun trying to get through all the layers of people whom we need to contact in getting permission to use it, a priest to come and actually perform the baptism etc etc etc. Then come the plans for the where to go to eat afterwards.. after all it's all about the food, right? j/k So first it was the Warsaw Inn or another place in Arlington Heights, but now it sounds as if Heather has decided on the Barn of Barrington which I'm perfectly happy with considering that is seriously 10 minutes from our house and Tim & I had our wedding reception there!! We love it.. it's beautiful, and has some meaning to our family.. so all in all, it's a great match.. oh and not terribly far from the chapel either! lol!

Okay on to Leif.. soooooo Tim decided to bring the kids to his work this weekend just to give them something to do and of course they found plenty to do.. I'll doubt that Leif will ever live this down.. but yeah.. he hit a pole in the middle of the warehouse! lol! "I didn't see it" is all we hear!

Dylan..yeah he came to my house this weekend with specific instructions that he was grounded until he got all his homework done.. yeah I'm reading the text book *TRYING* to figure it out and I'm totally lost.. so I called Pam and sure enough she was home AND willing to come over! she was our savior.. she came over in less than 5 minutes and had us working on the homework and actually understanding it! Go Pam! lol! We got it all done and I *think* he probably had to have gotten 100% on all the work we did! He was rechecking answers and everything! Go Dylan.. but then on Sunday afternoon right before his dad was set to pick him up, Tim found a page of homework he didn't do.. and of course Dylan is MIA! ughhh so I walked around the hood, didn't find him. I got in the truck and found him at the park and told him to get his butt home.. he told me he had already done that homework and he had.. but I was mad at first!

Had a fun weekend, did a ton of walking. Seriously.. Saturday I had to have walked between 10-15 miles.. I was walking the whole day.. then another 4 miles on Sunday morning, then another quick 4 miles last night with Julie before her WW weigh in!

I dedicate this song 2 my 1 & only son

so here I am again blogging about a song... I guess I listen to songs and relate to them for some reason... this song has stuck with me since my husband and I attended a wedding for his friend Mac, it was his mother/son dance song. It was so fitting for the two of them, because for Mac growing up it was just the two of them.... and she was one of those strong women who taught her son a ton about life. Dylan's father is a product of a relationship much the same with his mother, however, as much as she would want her son to have a simple life.. it just hasn't worked out that way... so here they are, the lyrics that I'd want my son to carry with him into "manhood" which has already begun... Dylan I love you!!


Artist: Lynyrd Skynyrd LyricsSong: Simple Man Lyrics

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time... Don't live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and you'll find love,
And don't forget son,
There is someone up above.

[Chorus]
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son,
If you can?Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

[Chorus]

Boy, don't you worry... you'll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

[Chorus]

The "make it or break it" phrase... 8 words that jerked my attention

When I found out Tim had cheated on me when we first started dating, I always thought that there would be a phrase a sentence, something that would be the "make it or break it" phrase.... whatever those words were, I never did hear them and we continued our relationship and got married. We've now been married for almost 9 years and every once in awhile I still get amazed at the simple things Tim will bring to my attention that throws my entire being out of alignment just long enough to realize sometimes I just don't see the bigger picture.. and here was a perfect example.. for those of you who know Tim, you know he is a man of few words. He's just not a big talker. He talks, but he's not overly chatty as I've always been my entire life. So last night we had one crazy night.. I'm not exactly sure how to explain what went down last night because honestly, I don't know if I'll ever know myself what happened. It involved my 2 nephews and their father, their fathers girlfriend and her daughter. I got a call to go pick them up, all I could think about was getting to them.. I stopped downstairs just long enough to ask Tim if he was going to come with me.. he did. On the way he was chatting about who the hell knows what, and it was frusterating me.. I just was concentrating on getting to my boys, and getting them out of whatever situation it was.. so after everything Tim and I are talking and I asked him WTF he was talking about on the way over to get them and he says "I was trying to get your mind off of everything" and I told him then that he needs to realize whenever there is a problem with any of those 3 boys that I go into "mom" mode, all I can think about is them until I know they are okay.. I can't go into some "chat" about some co-worker, or the dishes in the sink.. I'm totally focused, I hear nothing around me, it's just my mom mode.. I told him how much all 3 of our boys mean to me, the bond we have, and how I would die if there wasn't something I did to prevent them from getting hurt physically/emotionally... so Tim says "you don't think I love those boys too" that was IT for me.. it's something that throws my entire perspective off of my entire thinking of my husband.. it's not as if I don't realize he has a heart, and he hangs out with these kids for hours on end playing xbox and other games.. but having it said out loud like that just makes me see what a great guy I married... it's funny how you learn something new every day even about the man you've lived with for almost 9 years!