waiting for the sweet numbers 140 to pop up on that scale.....

ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'm going to hop up on that scale and the heavens will open up and there it will be... the angels will sing, harps will be harping, the whole nine yards.. and there it will be the real deal, not because I ate too many sugar free jelly beans, but because I literally worked my arse off. All the walking, running, circuit training, workout dvds, every carrott and spaghetti squash, will all add up to that one small number..... and then it will be the day of splurging... every Baker's Square within in the state of Illinois and maybe any in western Indiana and southern Wisconsin better put their French Silks in storage, spit on them, sell them all before I get there... because I'm eating them all... and then I will be 150lbs once again. Good WW attitude.. sure! ahhh not!

MOLTITOL IS EVIL and Running is kicking my ARSE!

I went to Tim's grandparents house for Fathers day and wound up having a Dumb and Dumber scene relived within my own body. I ate some sugar free jelly belly's that had maltitol in them that is basically a laxative.. horrible evil stuff. I lost 3 lbs and was VERY weak after that, had to take Monday off, couldn't even sit at the computer without getting tired. Yucko!

I biked Monday night (I was feeling better) and ran on Tuesday morning, then I was too exhausted Wednesday morning to go work out but then I went to PUMP IT UP for Sam's birthday partyhttp://www.pumpitupparty.com/crystallake.html and jumped around with the kids and hoola hooped for awhile too. I went and ran again today but it was a TOUGH mile to run. I was really working it to get there. Eventually I made it. I was reading the couch to 5k today. I guess I should have started with that, but it takes 2 months. Not sure how long it will take me to get up to 5k but that's okay. I'll take my time.

Another one bites the dust, 145.8 my lowest weight!

Whoo-hooo after biking Monday, walking Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, plus running/walking at the gym Thursday & Friday I've lost another lb AND it's my week before TOM. I haven't lost weight the week before TOM since before starting bc! whoo-hoo. Ran another mile and almost a half on Thursday, then today (Saturday) went in and took Dylan to sign up and ran a mile at 5.0 instead of 4.5. I'm working on it. It's going to be a long process, but I'm working on it!

MILE # 1

I've done it. I ran the first mile of my life without stopping. I seriously can not believe I did it. I've told everyone, written emails about it, called people, I'm amazed. I've never been able to run much because my feet hit the pavement so hard, I huff and puff, and have this weird clicking in my neck when I run. It's bad. I had heard running on a treadmill is easier. Yeah it was, I could have run longer, faster, etc but I didn't want to burn myself out so I just did the mile and then walked for awhile after.

146.8 my lowest weight ever and my new hobby...

I had a bad weigh in, gained 2.4 lbs because of my week before TOM binge, my week of TOM binge, and the week after TOM binge which only leaves me with 1 lonely week per month to actually LOSE WEIGHT! ughh... Anyway, after my 5 hours of working out on Saturday, plus biking Sunday and Monday, plus Walking Saturday, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I lost 2.6lbs! I've never lose that much in one week ever. Must have been some water weight! Anyway....

I found a new hobby. I met Michelle yesterday in Long Grove to go ceramic painting. I figured because my grandma used to do it all the time that I'd do a butterfly as my first piece in her honor. I had a ton of fun and didn't spend too much money. I'll go back next week to pick up my pieces and see how I did.

4-5 hours of activity = 11 AP's in the WW world!

Wednesday (6/7) I did random activities that totaled out to be 5 hours of activity and broken down equaled out to 11 WW AP's, and I got on the scale Thursday morning and was back down to 145lb which should put me back around 147 at my WW meeting (with clothes on)! Okay, that was a super run on sentence. Let me go through the list of activities I did.

*47 minute Ramp It Up part of Slim in 6 at 6:30am
*carried around 400 files from one side of the office to the other and filed them (lifting some 2"++ legal size files over my head and actually sweating in the process). This took an hour from 2:30-3:30pm approximately.
*Walked for an hour with Pat and Julie through Algonquin Lakes, up hills, down hills, etc
*Biked 15 miles with Tim, Patrick, and Laura and Laura & Patrick bike pretty fast so I got a pretty good workout
*Walked Blue around the block for his workout

The best part was Thursday I was THRISTY for more. I wanted to work out but had nobody to bike with. I also biked on Sunday and Monday this week, so so far I've done really well. I did wind up walking around the hood last night with Heidi and Paige, so that was something.

"...and I've carried this picture in my wallet for the last 37 years"

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breaths away"

and here was another example in my life. My mother in law's retirement party. Her co-workers made a Scottish theme and with my husband on my side in his kilt and his father on my other side also in his kilt I sat and watched the presentations made for her. Some silly, some sady, some just off the wall..... but then my father in law who wanted to contribute to the event got up and decided to show off some pictures of his bride... a picture of her on a horse when she was maybe 2 or 3, a picture of her sitting on the lawn looking BEAUTIFUL as a teenager, an awesome picture of her in her wedding dress standing between bushes that I'd never seen, a picture of her when they were dating, and lastly as he said it "the picture I've carried in my wallet for the last 37 years".... not a dry eye in the room especially mine.... so very touching to witness how totally in love my husbands parents are. I am in awe.

Not a good weigh in followed by walking with Pat

So Saturday morning I woke up and weighed myself and the scale didn't lQQk bad when I was naked so I figured, ahhh I'll be okay.... just go in face the music, weigh in then if I want I won't have to weigh in again for an entire month. Stay for the meeting, get the benefits of the meeting, which is exactly what I did. I gained 2.4lbs I'm now back up to 149.4! ugghh right under my goal. Journaling here I come. I did learn one thing about myself at the meeting, I knew it before but saying this out loud confirmed it. I will eat 3 cupcakes even though the first two do not taste good because I'm seeking out the "O" mouth factor that will never come. If it didn't come the first cupcake it ain't coming my the 3rd when I've eaten all the points.

I joined a challenge on the Lifetime thread. It's basically coming up with any goal for yourself and striving to make those goals by July 4th. My goals are to get TOM eating under control (the week before and the week of TOM are totally out of control), journaling, working out (keep reading for my thoughts on this), not eating when I'm not hungry, and only eating what is tasting good to me and lately my regular things I used to love... I'm just not liking which is good.

Well after my weigh in I went over to Pat's house to go walking... Pat is a lady I used to work out with at LWE and Julie ran into her this week at the library! What luck! They exchanged emails and we started planning to meet to walk. She lives in Algonquin Lakes which has some AWESOME walking paths that go along natural trails and lakes within her subdivision. Very pretty and A GREAT workout! Uphill, downhill, flat, winding in and out of houses, townhouses, schools, ball fields, streets, you name it. On our walk we were talking about how we found out LWE was closing and we had a similar experience. Both of us had been there Tuesday, didn't go Wednesday, then showed up Thursday to the "we are closed" pink highlighter sign. Pat told me how panicked and upset and then depressed she became about it and how much she missed the workout and the other women she worked out with. Since not having a workout place to go to we've both been sitting at home at that time during the day (5:30) wondering what to do with ourselves. I know that around 7pm every night I think to myself, It's 7pm and I still haven't worked out! aughh. Since LWE I've been obsessive about making sure that I have some activity in my life each day although it seems that I've been slacking at it. It sucks that before my workout was taken care of. Any extra activity I did on my own was well EXTRA, which was awesome! There was no thinking involved, I stopped there on my way home and just did it. Good news is we are going on a bike ride today in with the hood, so my exercise is taken care of.

Not even tasting the food I used to crave and love.....

so... I've figured out that no matter what I do I have 2 weeks per month that I won't lose so it seems since making goal that I just throw in the towel those 2 weeks of the month and eat whatever I want. Well it seems no matter how much I eat or what I eat that I'm ever satisfied, most of the time I'm not even hungry it's just time for dinner or I haven't eaten in awhile, and a majority of the time the food I'm picking I'm not even tasting the way I used to taste it. I eat the whole thing the whole time trying to figure out why I used to "love" this or that so much, but like I said, I always finish it anyway! It's very screwed up. I'm also having this strange problem of feeling as if "there is food out there that I could be eating" for example, there are several parties in my neighborhood right now, most of which have tons of food at and I could walk up at any time and grab a plate full and I'm feeling as if that is MY food waiting for me. Or every restaurant I drive by is holding my chocolate shake randsom! WHAT is wrong with this picture. I'm having a problem figuring out why this is such a mental block when the whole time my body is just craving good foods...???

pick door a or door b

I pick door b..... "okay pack your bags because we're going to GERMANY FOR 6 WEEKS" yes, this was my conversation at about 10am this morning with my husband! Don't know dates or anything yet, but I'm pretty excited!

me obsessing over exercise???

yeah, I'm just as confused as you are. I never thought I'd be one of those people who was obsessed about working out! But here I am with no gym to go to, no ladies to work out with, no venting forum to have ears to lay my stories out to.... I can't even believe that I made an hour time each day to work out. It seems now that I get home and it's already 6:30, how did I get time to work out before? So now, here I am worried I'll gain the weight back if I don't work out. I've been trying to at least get in an hour of biking 3 days per week which with the weather isn't working out. I did move the elliptical upstairs so if I'm watching TV I can jump on that too. I have done my workout video SI6 once, tried Yoga Booty Ballet hip hop and really didn't like it. The moves were too coordinated for me! I couldn't do it and felt as if there was no work out for me to it. I'm collecting the McDonalds workout's but so far I only have 2 of the 4. I will try to bring one of mine back to exchange because I got 2 of the same one. Other than that I've been walking the dog and cleaned the house last weekend (mother's day weekend) like a mad woman. I cleaned for 3-4 hours on Sat and from 7:40am to 9:15pm on Sunday so I didn't think a work out was needed. I figured I was moving most of the day Sunday and that was enough. I weighed in last weekend and was down to 147 EVEN my lowest ever, so I was pretty darn proud of that, but again here I am eating as I please the last week or so. Well stay tuned to see how my "work-outs" progress.......

feeling as if.... I've lost 2 years of my life..... :(

Okay. I went to my work out place last night (Ladies workout express, sort of like a curves) and there was a sign on the door that said "sorry we're closed" it's a small place so I figured the girl who was working tonight was sick or whatever. I left there and called a girl I know that work out there too and she said "yeah, I was there today and yesterday they had the same sign up" so she said that one of the girls that works there had called her but didn't leave a message so she said that she would call her and get the scoop and she'd call me back. I called there and got their voicemail and it said "sorry we're closed, to transfer your membership call..." WHAT? I've been a member since before they opened, I was the first customer to walk through those doors on OPENING DAY! hello? So the woman who worked there called my workout buddy and told her basically "home office" shut them down for not having enough members. I'm SO upset now because I met so many AMAZING women there and now have no way of getting in touch with any of them, I don't have a place that I would like to go to that is close enough to my house where I know I would go to 6 days a week like I go there, I don't want to start up somewhere else and have to pay start up fees and be stuck in a contract (I had a month to month contract because I've been a member there over a year), PLUS the place CHANGED MY LIFE! It was why I started WW, why I lost 56lbs, why I kept going, PLUS I encouraged other members there to join WW and they are all doing really well with working out and WW as a combination

Angels on my side???

Saturday night Tim went to play poker over at Ed's house as he has been doing pretty often lately. Good group of people playing for fun. So Dylan and I decided to head out to Sweet Tomatoes for dinner. We came home driving down Algonquin Road the entire way going about 80mph or so at different spots. Nothing unusual happened, no weird noises, no curb checks, nothing...... Sunday morning I wake up and start thinking I better get going because I'm suppossed to be dropping Dylan off at Judy's around 1:30ish. I had some grocery shopping to do plus I wanted to stop at Wal-Mart and run a few other errands. Dylan decided he wanted to come with me partly to buy some new phone cards for both Leif & Sam (yes SAM has a cell phone now too) and to look for something for me to buy him for his birthday. We jump in the car and and it starts to start up then just dies. Try it again and NOTHING!! Okay... it's a 2006, never changed the battery.... it's time... these things happen whatever. Call Tim to come out, jump it, he drives it around the block and I decide to take the truck. I take the truck, do my errands, come back, jump it again (of course it was dead again), drive it around the subdivision. Tim had noticed everytime he turned it made a strange noise so I wanted to check it out. I drove it around and every time I'd make a sharp turn it would feel as if I had a rear wheel drive sliding out behind me in the snow! Not good. My gages were popping up and down every time I gassed (yes every gage including my temp and gas would pop up and down) and my digital odemetor was not blinking but doing some little crazy dance. So I called my dad, who was off at the flying field. In the mean time I called Dan just to ask his opinion and he said "it's probably the battery and the alternator, run out to Auto Zone and buy them and I'll come over and install them" ummmm okay! lol! So Dylan and I run out and buy out gadgets and come home. Dan walks in the door, walks right back out to the garage, comes back in less than a minute later and pulls me outside. He said "look at your car, what's wrong with it" now earlier in the morning when Tim had pushed it out of the garage I noticed it looked strange but I thought it was the angle he pulled it out on.... now looking at my driveway I didn't see anything strange. Dan points and says "one tire is facing in.... the other is straight, you have way bigger problems than a battery!"..... UHHH CRAP! Sure enough my right side tie rod end was completely broken off, MEANING if I had been driving 80mph when that happend, the car would have been totaled with both Dylan and I inside. Wonderful. Dan starts hacking away at the car, neighbors come down to help, my parents show up, Dan's mom shows up, neighbors brought their dogs and Blue was having a regular dog party in the house. Dan's mom was cooking and cleaning in my house. I was running out to Auto Zone making friends with Jon there, the liquor store for more beer and cigarettes, Tim and my dad were busy changing out the battery, all three Chris/Kris neighbors where here (Chris Allen even brought some special kind of torch Dan needed and of course Tequila), MOI stopped over because she got locked out of the house, the immediate neighbors stopped over just to see what happened etc. It was pretty funny. Okay, Tim got the battery out and my dad immediately tested it... there was nothing wrong with it. It was fully amped, there was no reason at all it wouldn't start my car, but they put the new one in, it started right up, the battery light didn't come on, and the gages are working normally!! whoo-hooo. So this is where I know that I have angels on my side... if it would have started I would have been on Algonquin Road maybe going 50mph plus. Someone's looking down on me! Dan got the tie rod fixed and suggested I get an alinment, went in and ate some of what his mom had cooked/brought, hung out for awhile, and I immediately got sick. Was in the bathroom for over an hour with it coming out both ends doubled over in pain. At one point I crawled into bed and Blue came in and straight under the covers he went pulling them down with him. I rolled over and the blanket magically pulled itself back up as if someone was staning over me, tucking me back in. I started crying knowing that my grandma was there with me, and a minute later my mom walks in and I couldn't tell her that grandma had just been there. I was too emotional about it. Well anyway.... the moral of the story here is I know I have angels watching over me and I don't know how much longer or how much more each of them will be able to "save" me in certain situations, but I do know I'm lucky to have them. And today, I go back to Auto Zone to return my unused alternator that never had to be replaced and the old battery even thought it's in fine shape! ahhh the tangled webs we weave.

EXHAUSTED and don't want to go back to work

Well my trip to AZ is over.... not enough relaxing time and too much "go time" meaning most of the trip we were going going GOING!! Anyway.. came back home to my clean home which became a disaster area in less than 5 minutes... ahh well. Got a really cool gift from Pam. A key ring that has Melissa on one side "Lifetime" on the other and a candle. I guess she felt bad she didn't make the meeting, which was okay.... very nice gift either way! :)

made LIFETIME today!

whoo-hooo.... leaving for AZ tomorrow! Can't wait. Have a ton of packing to do which I haven't done ANY! Better get a move on!

Not what I was hoping for... BUT a loss is a loss!

I lost .4lbs this week which puts me at 147.2. I was hoping to be 146 today because I'll have TOM next week and won't lose. I leave for vacation on Sunday and I really wanted to be 146 so I'd have a 6lb cushion. I guess a 5lb cushion isn't too bad and I'll have a few days to get back on track after the trip to drink a ton of water and flush out any water weight!

To my darling niece Reilly Kate.....

another letter I wrote.. this one to my cousin Heather. I attached it to a gift for Reilly Kate.


Dear Heather & Michael,
I just wanted a chance to tell you the meaning behind this gift...... I found it in an angel catalog I receive. This picture is titled “Remembering”. As you may or may not know I personally believe in angels and heaven and collect angel figurines, dolls, paintings, etc..... I saw this picture and first just thought it reminded me of a picture of Heather when she was about 2 years old. Then, the picture brought on new life. I have always believed that children (souls)pick their parents long before conception and the beauty behind this picture of a child (a soul) looking down from the heavens patiently awaiting return reaffirmed my belief.
I can remember being in awe as a child looking at the picture of the angel hovering over the children walking over the bridge in my “auntie Kathies” house. The theory that there is someone watching over you, weather you feel you need it or not , has always been a source of comfort for me. This is especially great to me now as a parent looking for answers to a child’s questions of why things happen in this world.
I also believe that babies are our closest link to the angels and heaven. You can smell it in their hair, feel it in the softness of their skin, and see it in their eyes when they look past you at “nothing”. I believe when babies are looking at “nothing” they are visiting with their angels. Wendy witnessed on several occasions Leif’s angels when he was a baby. There were times when he would awaken from a nap and his mobile turned on by itself, entertaining him until she arrived. Another time she walked into the room where he was sleeping to discover a little girl watching over him as he slept.
I myself never had this type of encounter , but I did encounter what I call an omen. For two new parents who have already had a health scare with their child you both can appreciate my story. The morning of Dylan’s first surgery July 14th, 1994 about 5 am Dan and I were driving on Sheridan road towards Evanston hospital. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shinning, birds singing, dew on the grass .. you get the picture. People were running, biking, and walking on both sides of the street, cars were in front of and behind us..... We were probably driving about 30 mph when Dan slowed down and stopped. The world had stopped. There were no cars in front or behind us, the bikers, runners, walkers were gone. It was just Dan, Dylan, and myself inside our car and a beautiful fawn standing 20 feet in front of our car alone. The fawn watched us for what seemed like hours. We sat there frozen and listened to Dylan cooing in the back seat and enjoyed this special moment, a gift that was sent to us to let us know “everything would be okay”. The fawn finally stepped up on the curb and walked through the back yard of this huge beautiful home and stopped one last time to turn its head as if “making sure we got the message”. When the fawn disappeared from sight cars were on both sides of the road, people were walking, running, biking... time had started again. 30 seconds previous I had been worried and now I was at ease and felt this tremendous pressure lifted.
For me, this was proof that God will not put anything on you that you can not handle. Being a parent this is crucial to keep in mind when things get tough. No matter what the situation, remember.... all things happen for a reason and look at this picture and realize.. you were chosen by her, your beautiful daughter, Reilly Kate. (pretty smart baby if you ask me!)
With love on this joyous occasion, Melissa

What a WONDERFUL world....

a copy of a letter I wrote my cousin Danny who is currently in Iraq but on his way home to us very soon. This letter is going to be added to a book his girlfriend Amanda is feverishly working on to get done before his homecoming!

February 18, 2006
Hey Danny………..
I talked to you this morning….and was one of the first to hear your news (from you personally) that you had orders to come home on 1 April! For some reason I wasn’t thinking that it was NEW news or that is was FACTUAL news or that you actually had those orders. I thought you were making conversation and the date that your mom had in mind of the end of May was still correct. After talking later with your mom and Amanda I found out NO THIS IS HUGE NEWS. And so we prepare for your homecoming. Plans are to be made for your arrival day, meeting you at the gate, balloons and banners, camera’s to be charged, gas tanks to be filled, plane tickets to be shuffled, everyone to be contacted of your arrival, weight to be lost for the endless feasting we will do once you arrive, parties to be planned, I could go on and on. But the biggest project has to be this book. Danny, Amanda loves you down to her core. This book is proof of her endless dedication to you. I know this love is new, but Dan, take a look… just take a look… you don’t even have to have your eyes open to know it, to feel it, to breathe it, to be intoxicated by it. It’s there, it’s real, it’s here, and you aren’t letting go, and everyone couldn’t be happier for you.
Iraq has changed our Danny… Iraq has stripped the extra bs from Danny and left us with your core… just Danny plain and simple. Iraq has put things into amazing perspective for you, the simple things are all you need in this world, and Amanda holds that key to keeping simplicity within your life. So I have to thank Iraq for allowing our Danny to come back a new man, a renewed man, a man who will carry Iraq within him for the remainder of his days. I also have to thank God, Kevlar, and your interpreters who watched your back during your day to day missions, because without them, you wouldn’t be coming back to us. I have to thank your mother for being your mother, for bringing you and Heather into this world, because without you two in this world, I don’t know where I’d be in life. You’ve both always been there for me through anything that came my way and I can’t thank you both enough. Danny, your Hossie has helped mold all of us through the years and now is the bearer of two amazing reasons for you to have made it through every second through Iraq. Reilly & Roman, their little pure faces…. Reilly’s boundless laughter and energy and Roman’s angelic sweetness reminding us to always “GO ME”. Lastly, I have to thank Amanda for being an amazing pen pal to you during your Iraq time. I feel it was her who breathed new love into your heart that added lift to your step.
As I write this I’m listening to IZ. He singing one of my favorite songs….. What a Wonderful World and reminds me of this beautiful friendship bond that our families have. It’s so amazing and I am actually in awe of how strong this bond has gotten during the time you’ve been in Iraq. I can not thank your mom, Ken, my mom, and my dad enough for bringing our two families together. I think this bond is unbreakable because we aren’t blood family, we CHOOSE to be here in one another’s lives. It’s something so unique, it’s indescribable….. It just is.
I see trees of green, red roses too I see them bloom for me and you And I think to myself, what a wonderful world I see skies of blue and clouds of white The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night And I think to myself, what a wonderful world The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky Are also on the faces of people going by I see friends shakin' hands, sayin' "How do you do?" They're really saying "I love you" I hear babies cryin', I watch them grow They'll learn much more than I'll ever know And I think to myself, what a wonderful world Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world ~ Louis Armstrong
Remember when we were kids and we had our favorite underroos??? You know.. I can’t even remember who we all were, but it seems that all the girls were Wonder Woman so I can only imagine that you were either Super Man or Spider Man. The crazy thing about those time is that those costumes made us feel invincible, like no body could touch us, no bullet could penetrate our bodies…. We had our amazing shields, bracelets, and headbands that bullets would just bounce off of… and here you are in a war…. Without your shied, bracelets, or one of our headbands because unfortunately we had to grow up and our imaginations could only carry us so far. I’m so glad I have those memories, because those were dang fun memories. What is funny is in our grown up lives, we have become Superhero’s of some type… you a great American war hero and Heather, Wendy, and I mothers to 1 amazing little girl and 4 energetic boys… all of whom offer us a glance at looking through the world through their eyes from time to time… and maybe we can catch a glimpse of our past Superhero’s selves. What a wonderful world.
I love you, I missed you, I can’t wait to be part of your life after Iraq…. Keep those feet firmly planted and remember to KISS (keep it simple stupid).
Melissa

147.6

Now I'm talking! I was so afraid I wouldn't lose at my weigh in on Saturday and I did. I seriously couldn't believe it because at home my scale showed a gain of at least a lb! I'm hoping to get down to 146 before I leave for the trip. I have two more weigh in's so I think it's possible! I just have to get on track here!

SIZE 0? AM I REALLY NOTHING?

Okay.... soooo a ton of people on line, at work, everywhere have been talking about these Gap jeans lean & tall. I figured I would go check them out because they are on sale at the Gap outlet not far from my house. I walked in and found them rather quickly and was holding each pair up to me. Size 0 lQQked like it would fit so I decided to take sizes 0-6 into the dressing room with me. WELL THEY FIT! Believe me, I'm as shocked as you are. The way that my body is shaped though is weird. In these jeans they were baggy in the butt and leggs but the waist was tight and came up higher (bigger size more fabric) in the size 6, as I went down the butt/leggs fit more snug and the waist came lower which fit better. I finally just jumped into the size 0's but of course the way that my body is shaped I have this huge roll of fat that gets pushed up and over the waistband so I'll have to wear a long shirt with them! I figure I'll work on my personal goal of 140 and see if those babies fit better than... for now they fit and I can wear them without hurting myself! AMAZING!