Thursday, May 01, 2008

someplace between reality and dream world...

in my mind while I dream I think I confuse reality and the dream world as I'm sure many people do.. for me I've found that from one dream to the next even over years as long as it's the same topic or dealing with the same person in my life that I can remember not only details from the real world but from my dreams... last night was no different for me as I was dreaming that I was with my friend Nicole who died almost 8 years ago.. something inside my mind was totally confused last night because for some reason I remembered her dying but then being alive again in reality. It's so strange because I could actually remember the details of the miracle of her being alive again and then losing her all over. Somehow she just slipped away.. and those details I don't remember, I don't know, somewhere, somehow, she was just gone again.. so I face the fact that she never was alive here on earth again.. but I am realizing that I do believe she is alive somewhere. It makes me wonder if she has been reincarnated and if we'll ever meet again. It makes me wonder if she's an angel waiting for me in heaven and when I'll see her again. It makes me wonder if she's a spirit stuck waiting between the living world and the world beyond and if she'll ever be able to free herself from between those two worlds and move forward. Will I get to the afterlife before her? But then on other nights I dream of my grandma and the funny part is that for some reason the night I spent with her was doing normal things with her. Helping her cut something because her hands didn't work for probably the last 10-15 years here on earth. Just normal.. us in the kitchen doing our normal stuff.. WGN on the radio in the background the loud buzz of the new hour a constant in our house because the radio always kept her company. She liked to listen to news, to people calling in and making her laugh over stupid Chicago stuff... Cubs stuff, Bears stuff, Michigan Avenue stuff.. whatever.. her directing me as I cooked dinner.. "ooh add a little water" or "mix that really good" "okay turn that over now" "time to start the carrots" (her favorite). she cooked by sound, by smell, by touch. She could always tell if I was rushing something or waiting too long and she would remind me. "these things take time" or "okay, turn down the heat" or "wait another 10 minutes or so" as she would gaze out the window watching the world go by through her crystal clear light blue eyes.. nobody in the world has her color eyes.. they were so clear, so pale, just barely a hint of color to them and then the color they were.. just a touch of sky blue. pretty amazing.. or are they amazingly pretty.. hmmm


YES WE HAD SNOW ON APRIL 28TH.. A thick heavy snow at that! It actually stuck on the ground and on cars! Thank god it had melted by the time I came back out because I had given my snow brush to Tim! lol!