Goodnight, Sweetheart , well, it's time to go.....

I sang this to my baby girl just minutes ago as I watched her fall into sleep.... the sound of the washer and dryer going at the same time... those sounds filled our house for the full first day of her life and have become the sounds that seem to soothe her the most on days when she needs to nap long and strong.

A year ago I was on the phone with my mom warning her that I'd been having contractions since around 7pm but they were "all over the place" funny how when I hung up the phone I did notice the last 3 times I'd written down were all exactly 10 minutes apart but I figured my luck they would peter out... and one of the ways to find out for sure if you are in labor is to sleep.... so around 12:30ish I drifted off to sleep.. only to be awaken at 3:50 by a horribly painful contraction that broke my water bag at the same time.

...wow what a whirlwind this entire year has been.. from the time I hung up the phone with my mom to go to sleep to now.. as I type this... I just can not believe this year. I want to pour out all that has happened in one year here on this blog.. I want to bang it out for the world to read, so I can keep all 365 days fresh in my mind even when I'm 80...

I find it so amusing when people say to me "enjoy it now, it goes so fast" and my retort always has something to do with "also having a 17 year old" and then they usually say "wow, I dont' have to tell you then" ummm NO YOU DON'T! lol! I've been there.. sighhhhh

Tim has off tomorrow so she'll wake up in her bed surrounded by love of both of her parents... she'll wake up in the exact spot she was born a year ago... she'll wake up and have breakfast in bed just as she's done all but 2 days of her life (2 nights my mom/Tim had to take her home when I was in the hospital)... she'll wake up and I'll say HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY and she won't have a clue it's any other day except a normal day.

Happy Birthday to my sweet little angel, you've taught me so much in such a short amount of time. I'm so glad you are here.

where has time gone?

Wow... I sit here and read old posts about the "blocks of time" of my pregnancy where I wrote about just trying to get to this day or that day.. through this week or that month.. getting to the goal of birth and raising my boo boo baby and getting her into the world.. now this week I've sent out her birthday party invites.. in just one month from today we'll be celebrating her birthday at her party and 2 days later her actual birth... and people around me say "enjoy it, it goes SO fast" and I always have to remind them (or tell them) I have a 17 year old son.. nobody has to tell me how fast it goes..

It's funny because each day after Olivia's birth seemed like an eternity.. I would sit for hours on the couch in a depends diaper (not to pee in.. for the bleeding) allowing Olivia to nurse for as long as she wanted. I never interrupted her, rarely to get up and pee.. So many days I sat by myself with the remote, a tv tray strategically placed with the lap top, a snack, and a huge glass of water... some burp clothes and diapers/wipes usually on the floor at my feet.. I never had to go far for anything.. I wished so hard for her to get big and grow fast.. to roll over, sit up, crawl, walk.. and funny enough this topic game up at a playdate recently and one of the other mama's explained it perfectly.. she said "I think the first three months go very slow.. you are tired, you don't know what to expect, are learning something new.. then the 3rd month comes and you've reached the top of the hill and when you think you can't stand it any longer time starts FLYING" it. is. so true. for me anyway... now I look back and think that I was drinking those days in.. watching her face as she nursed, as she lay on the floor, screamed and cried during tummy time..

I'm dreading the day that I know the next I won't be breastfeeding any longer.. I'm praying that day won't come for at least another year or much longer if I'm lucky.. but just knowing we won't share that bonding time together is going to break me. Fully knowing this is my last chance baby... so far things have been going the way I'd want them to go.. minus a few minor snafu's..

Dylan continues to charge forward in life.. taking summer classes this year so he can graduate early and start his life.. he's looking forward to either college or the military. He wants both but is working on his decision which path he'll take first. He's dating a girl very seriously, her name is Stacey.. they are very supportive of one another and seem to be very much in love. They were really great friends for months before they started dating and really are a great match. Her family has welcomed Dylan with open arms, even putting him to work when he spends time in their home. I feel as though Dylan has found where he feels at home, finally.. this poor kid has been bounced around so much in life.. something Dan nor I wanted for him.. but his need to stay by his dad's side has been his one solid in life. He's always had an open invitation to live with Tim & I but has never taken us up on that. His amazing bond with this Dad is still strong, for that I'm grateful.

Sighhh and I look back and think about days with Dylan when he was still a baby.. a toddler, a child, a pre teen.. those days are flashes in my life.. thank god for pictures and the funny stories... the way Dan would swaddle him and place him in my armpit to sleep in the mornings before he left for work, those first few steps when we lived in Arizona.. his first birthday party, the day of his 2nd surgery, when he got a kitten, when he had stitches, taking him to amusement parks, having big birthday parties for him with friends from school, him with us at our old house.. at our new house.. riding in our cars.. hanging with Tim playing games.. vacations.. laughing about stupid stuff we both love.. our similarities.. how much he looks like me but has Dan's coloring.. all flashes in mind..

and sooo it goes...