THE MIDDLE WIFE

I've seen this story before but Tim's aunt just sent it to me and I was LMAO!!
The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant.. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,Oh,Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.. She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

How did ur SO find out u were preggers?

this was a topic on CAFEMOM. I'm going to copy my story here.

My first time around my BF was standing outside the bathroom waiting for me to come out then we had to stand for the full 3 minutes to get the results.. that was 16 years ago and planned...

THIS TIME.. ohh boy. I have PCOS so my periods are somewhat sporadic.. it's not uncommon for me to be 10 days late or more. This scares my husband more than anything in the world so now I've just settled for having a few extra pregnancy tests under the sink just to check and make sure. In October things were different.. my back was sore one day, my boobs were always tender.. and I kept teasing my hubbie that he "got me preggers".. he normally laughed and walked away.. when my period was 5 days late and making everyone else in my offices period late, we were all bouncing around ideas why they were late. We came up with the weather change.. umm ok.. so onthe way home that night I decided to stop at Walgreens and pick up a few tests because I was out. I figured I better check just to be sure. I got home and my husband is making dinner, only becasue he had a meeting to attend an hour later. So he's out back grilling and I figured I'd take a test really fast, get that done and move on with my life. This pregnancy was not planned, so I had every intention of it being negative like every other time in the last 13 years of my relationship to my hubbie. I peed on the stick, I'm pulling up my pants and trying to put the stick down on the counter and the plus sign is already showing up.. SHEEEEER PANIC! holy cow holy cow holy cow.

I wash my hands and watch the plus sign just get darker.. I'm shaking... I open the bathroom door and realize that there is about 20 steps between me and the sliding door to get outside to my husband and I actually didn't think I could make it that far. I get to the door and my husband is out in the yard.. so I open the door and step out and call him to me.. he starts walking towards me and I realize that our neighbors doors are all open (we live in townhomes). He gets to me and I said "we have to go inside" and he's mad "I have to cook dinner, I have a meeting to get to" NO JUST COME INSIDE WITH ME. geez. so he comes in and I thrust the test forward on the kitchen counter at him. He says "ohhhhh" THAT'S IT!

Our entire conversation was like this me "what are we going to do?" DH: "what do you want to do" ME: "I won't have an abortion" DH: "I wouldn't let you have one" DH then leaves the room to go get the chicken off the grill and I start crying my eyeballs out and call my mom. I was sooo scared and very angry. I've never not planned anything in my life. My mom got me calmed down, but it took her a full 2 hours. DH came home and skyped his parents in AZ (we live in Chicago) and told them.

I walked into work the next day and waited ohhhh exactly like 24 minutes before I was bursting at the seams to get it off my chest.. so I walked in my bosses office and asked her if she got her period and she said "yeah.. umm a couple days ago, why" ME: "ohh I was just going to tell you not to wait for me" and I burst into tears! lol! I'm such a dork! I know. lol!

BABYMOON!!

Tim and I have decided to take a vacation before the baby comes. We are looking at our usual applevactions.com for deals. Right now it looks like we'll be going to Cozumel which everyone has agreed is a great vacation place.

Still not feeling preggers and I just can't wait for Jan 16th for the 3D ultrasound. I just want to know what this baby is!!

Blue is leaving for AZ on the 1st of this year, we're bringing over to my parents house today (Christmas Eve). Poor little man. It's been icing out and he can't even walk to go potty, his legs slip out from under him and I'm afraid he's going to hurt himself.

I really haven't gained any weight back.. maybe a lb. that's about it for now.

The Bradley diet

so I'm on a modified diet called the Bradley diet. It was designed by a dr back in the 60's who put 7,000 women on this diet while they were pregnant and the results were amazing.. there was a super low rate of toxemia and other pregnancy complications. Of course, I'm trying to avoid toxemia and gestational diabetes so this is right up my alley. The diet basically says you have to eat 2 eggs a day and a quart of milk a day. I eat those 2 eggs, ready to throw up from the second I grab the fork to eat them. Ew. The milk.. well that's another story. I get at least 8 oz every morning on my way to work. I mix it with unsweetened cocoa in my little magic bullet blender and sip that on the way to work. It's a yummy sugar free drink. I eat yogurt and cheese throughout the day to get the rest of the dairy. I just can't stomach a glass of milk for some reason. Ohhh and chicken.. omgsh.. forget chicken! there was 2 weeks I was able to eat Jewel rotisserie chicken and I've been able to get chicken nuggets down but that's it. We can't make chicken at home.

As far as the whole craving thing.. I don't get them.. not even for sugar. It's amazing. I do ask for extra pickle on things.. but I've always done that. No change there. I just like pickle.

Other than that I'm pushing along. 14 weeks this Sunday. I found out that not only is Kim/Frank from SSL preggers but Susie/Erik is 4 weeks ahead of me and Kristie/Sean are 4 weeks behind me.. pretty cool to be the sandwich in between.

Also I had Heather/MIke due 10 days before me, Carrie/Gary 5 days before me, Angel/Dave 5 days after me, and Katie/Eric 4 weeks after me. Heather and Carrie miscarried which really stinks. I'm pretty upset about both of those considering I'll now feel like an ass any time I'm around them with my new baby. I can imagine they will be thinking of themselves should be holding their brand new babies as well.. sigh. total suckage.

I made my 3D ultrasound appt for Jan 16th to find out the sex. Tim's parents will be in town that weekend and we've asked them to come with us. It sounds pretty fun! lol!

Tim and I are planning a BABYMOON (as my sister told me it's called) our last trip before the baby is born. We'll be homebound for a few years so we figure this is the easiest way to get out while we can. We are looking at applevacations (as usual) specifically Mexico!! :)

Not much else going on.. I still don't feel preggers. Sometimes I feel the baby move a bit especially at night when I lay down to go to bed. Of course, Dylan's fav time to get up and party. lol! I'm still wearing my regular clothes. I got some belly bands yesterday. They are just strips of fabric that go around your midsection to hold up jeans if they are unbuttoned or to cover your belly when your shirt doesn't cover it.. and then later when breastfeeding it acts as a double so you can be more discreet while feeding the baby. Pretty neat stuff! :)

will I ever feel pregnant?

Ok so here I am pregnant. I found out around 6 weeks which has led me to feel like I've already been preggers forever. I'm down 15.8lbs because of cutting out junk/sugar/whites, exercising, and the baby metabolism. My jeans are still fitting, in fact there are days they are just too big. So far in this pregnancy I've had a few things that are different, from what I can remember. I am not throwing up, just sick to my stomach especially around certain foods. Eggs are my worst enemy I have to eat 2 a day and stomaching them some days is a CHORE in itself. It seems most days I make the best effort and still come up short on those. I haven't been tired getting out the shower. I know it's still very early, but I can remember showers just making me EXHAUSTED when I was pregnant with Dylan. I only get heartburn when I eat crap, white bread or sugar. With Dylan it was heartburn all the time but I was eating white bread and sugar.

Okay, I have to get to work so I better log off but....
I just have one question, how can water make someone feel sick? lol!!

Wow.. I've missed almost a year!!

Well, I've been blogging at my other blog but I gotta say that the biggest reason I've not blogged is plain and simple. I've been busy. Since going back to work a year ago I've been having issues finding time to fit things back into my life. I don't know why, but I just can't figure out how to work, grocery shop, make dinners, pay bills, etc.. I had to drop couponing for good, it's just too time consuming for me. But the biggest news has to got be that I'M PREGNANT!! 12 weeks exactly today, I'm due June 20th. A total shock, a total oops.. but I'm an oops baby and things seem to turn out pretty awesome with oops babies. At some point in time every mother figures out why they recieved the "oops" baby.. I really don't care, I want this baby and I know that Tim wanted kids. I knew someday he would be upset that he didn't have any babies of his own.. the thing is I said for YEARS I didn't want one driving and one in diapers.. and here we are.. one driving and one in diapers. sigh. Such is life. It's like someone was listening to that, be careful what you think or say out loud.

Anyway.. I've planned a homebirth but in order to keep my midwife and have a homebirth I have to make sure that this pregnancy stays a healthy pregnancy. No preeclampsia no gestational diabetes. So with this I am on a modified version of the Bradley diet. Basically sort of like Atkins. Protein 80-100mg per day, 2 eggs per day, 1 quart of milk per day, veggies, fruit, 1 grain per day.. anyway.. I had to cut out sugar, white bread, starchy veggies.. so I've lost 15.8lbs as of right now. With Dylan I lost 20lbs but I don't know how fast it happened. I was also very sick with Dylan throwing up all the time. I haven't yet thrown up with this baby but I'm being told my nausea and weight loss is part of the same morning sickness even if I'm not throwing up. Being pregnant raises your metabolism, cutting out sugar, and I'm working our more consistently so I guess the 15.8lbs makes sense HOWEVER I just found out that ketones are like poison for babies developing brains.. sigh. I can't win.

I'm also planning a water homebirth!! very very exciting to me anyway. happy sigh. so excited.

I have to go get some stuff done around the house so I'll leave you with our first glimpse of our new addition.. is it Olivia Nicole or Jack (Julian)??

We are waiting until mid January when Tim's parents come in for a visit to go get another ultrasound. We'll find out the sex then! :)