Feeling EMPOWERED!!

Welll.... I made a very important decision for myself finally.. something that has been puttering in the back of my mind. Something that has been always on the surface, that I have made comments about.. mostly just to a few girlfriends and of course to my husband.. but it's done.. I've made the appointment, I'm doing it.. and now that I've made the decision to do it, I just can't wait to get it done and move on with my life. It's been a battle over the past months, something I've struggled with almost daily... something that has actually changed me physically, changed the way I work, the way I look at my husband.. it's effect has been almost like a deadly silent essense choking me at any chance it got... it's something I carry inside me, every day, every momment.. something nobody else can see and I am the only one aware it even exists... I have seen it once through my body like a plus sign clear as day right there for him to see.. but this one is new, one that has not yet been seen because unlike last time I am not in the same place I was then.... and hopefully before I have this taken care of there will be no proof it even ever exsisted, except the extra weight I carry with me forward towards my goal...

This has made such an impact in my life just making the decision that I've felt better than ever since hanging up the phone with my doctors office after making the appointment. It's like a new breath of life, I have something to look forward to. I've had so much more energy with my new attitude.. I went running at the gym and for the first time in my life I ran so hard that I was glistening from sweat. It was so great to see.. something that made me feel more alive than ever.. and again this morning.. I was up earlier than I have been in weeks. Jumped in the shower and decided TODAY was the day and rode my bike to work. It was empowering getting to work a full 15 minutes early before anyone else. I really thought it would take a full hour to get to work and instead only 40 minutes. It was great hearing all my co-workers comments throughtout the day, really tickled over that I actually rode my bike to work. Some joked that I didn't have enough money to pay for gas, but ha I love my bike, I love biking, I love feeling alive out there... even though my freaking mp3 player crapped out only a mile from work.. I didn't mind.. I had the most beautiful views on the way to work today.. the air was cool and crisp, and the wind glided over me.. I felt the world anew today.. even the smell of dew on the grass didn't escape me.. so funny how just this decision has turned me in a complete 180....