Happy 13th Birthday Dylan!

So here it is.. a day I seriously can not believe is upon us.. Dylan is 13.... wow.. I can not believe my little guy is 13, 13.. geez I just can't get it through my head... and in a month and half exactly Leif will be eligible for a drivers permit, and another month after that Sam will be 9... and we'll be on to the even grades... Sam 4th, Dylan 8th, and Leif 10th.. ughh I just can not get my brain around it all... so today I'll take the time to recount the day he was born... Friday, April 1st 1994, APRIL FOOLS DAY (but of course) and better yet Good Friday... I took the day off from work to go pick Leif up from his babysitter Melissa's house because we suspected that she was in some way ignoring him during the day and we wanted to catch her. The night before I attended my first Lamaze class and the day before was to be my last day at work, however, they hadn't found anyone to replace me yet so they asked me to come in the following week to work and maybe train the new girl. So it was any day like any other, I was painting my nails, took a shower, etc. Dan came home for lunch just because I was home and not at work. He walked in and made some comment like "I just thought I'd come home" so I said "let me pee and I'll come down and make you something to eat" so I walk in the bathroom sit down and start to pee... but the pee isn't stopping.. so I sorta stand up and look in the toilet and it's RED... so I think OMG IT'S MY MUCAS PLUG! lol! if I only knew.. so I yelled to Dan to come call the doctor, he came upstairs looked in the toilet and knew something was wrong.. he said it was too red. I sat down again and the blood was just pouring out of me. I had thought I was peeing and it was all blood. My mom just happened to be running errands and wasn't home, so Dan ran and called the doctor and the doctor said call 9-1-1 and get her to the er immediately.. If we had done that I wouldn't have been able to deliver at Condell with the dr I wanted. So I said no, let's just go to Condell.. so of course it's Good Friday about 12:30 in the afternoon and there is construction all the way up to the hospital.. and maybe 25 minute drive turns into an hour and half drive when everybody else is trying to get out of work and start their holiday weekend a bit early... so here I am stacked up on beach towels while Dan is arguing with traffic. We get to the ER they take me in.. and funny thing was the bleeding had stopped.. they took me upstairs and started running test after test. I told them I was having back labor, they hooked me up to the monitor and said that I wasn't.. whatever... f'in fools.. (later my mom looked at the strip and figured out that the back labor was registering just very faintly because it was in my back and the monitors only monitor the front) anyway.. so they start ultrasounds on me to see how big he was, they said he was 6lbs 8oz and told my mom they weren't sure what was going to happen, that they could lose the both of us in the process.. my placenta had detached from the uterus wall and I was hemorrhaging.. so I labored through the night with Dan and my sister by my side the whole way.. no drugs.. I kept getting up to puke and poop.. sitting on the toilet was the most comfortable I could get. They wanted me to walk, then the wanted me in bed.. and I kept looking at the clock hoping to make it to midnight so my son would not be born on April fools day.. I hit midnight then I was praying to make it to April 3rd because it was my grandfathers birthday and Easter and I felt it had meaning... but at one point I looked at the clock and decided that by morning it would be over and done with.. I was right.. around 6am the nurse came in to do some practice pushes.. she explained that most women don't know which muscles to use and get frustrated and just wind up using all their energy up early in hard labor. So she explained what to do, I did it and he crowned.. "oooohhhhh nooo" was all I hear from here.. her next words "umm I better go call the dr he's playing golf right now" umm what? okay.. you came in here to do practice pushes and he pops out and the dr isn't even on his way? WTF is that? so my sister and Dan helped me breathe through an HOUR of contractions.. yes an hour.. the dr finally walks in and says "umm do I have time to wash up and get in some scrubs" yeah.. I've been fucking breathing through an hour of contractions with him stuck in my birth canal and his head sticking out.. might as well jackass! So off he ran, he comes back in, 2 pushes later my baby is born.. 7:03 am. My sister followed him around the room calling out everything he did.. "he's PEEING" nice! the plumbing works! lol! After Dylan I delivered a blood clot the size of a large softball, the dr stitched me up and Dylan was whisked away to the nursery.. we didn't get to hold him only touch him his first day of life.. he was under a huge bubble.. he was in the NICU and I had to go down to see him. I was released exactly 25 hours after I gave birth.. Easter Sunday and I went home that day without my baby... really sad day...

anyway.. today is also my half birthday which makes me 30 and half.. not so good! ughhhh.. feeling a little down today.. we'll see how my day goes!

could this be the REAL me?

this is Dylan's birthday weekend.. so I knew there would be eating on the menu.. after much back and forth he decided on Gino's East. i figured I'd get a salad and be done with it.. of course upon getting there I find they had soup so I ordered a cup, then Tim ordered some garlic rolls, then we ordered just a pizza. Deep dish pepperoni of course. It was all good, but not O good.. ya know.. then we went to the mall to get Dylan's birthday gifts. I figured I'd let him pick them out because I had no clue what he'd want. So we're in the mall and I decide I want ice cream.. I head over to Baskin Robbins and order up 2 scoops of chocolate peanut butter... so I'm sitting in the mall scooping up the ice cream and I realize.. I'M NOT EVEN TASTING THE STUFF! What? take another bite.. NOTHING! Okay, I just spent almost $4 on this I'm gonna eat it.. so I ate around the big PB chunks and still nothing.. so whatever... this is very confusing to me that my tastes have changed that much that #1 I was mad I spent the $$, #2 I was mad I didn't even really taste it, #3 I had to tell Tim that from now on if I say I want ice cream to tell me that I don't even taste it anymore... very strange.. strange.. yes very strange....

JUST KILL ME!

I sooo forgot to post this.. it was the worst moment of my life.... not turning 30, not being pregnant at 16 or having a baby with severe medical problems at 17, not losing my grandmother a few years ago, or the moment I found out my best friend had been murdered (okay, that tops pretty high up there too) anyway. I'm getting overly dramatic here.. but it was pretty bad.. it was just one of those moments in time that actually stop you dead in your tracks and the world stops for just long enough for everything to go in slow motion around you... you can actually hear yourself breathing, and feel yourself thinking because you are so confused it takes some time to process... and here it is.... Dylan wanted to go bowling SO BAD the last few times he's been at our house... but bowling is pretty darn expensive especially when bowling 3 games each only taken an hour and costs you just shy of $50.. it's just not a form of entertainment I'd like to drop that much dough on.. but it's fun... so finally we got to go on Friday night. Cosmic bowling night.. we get there and there is a half hour wait, so we didn't have our bowling shoes so we put our name on the list and rushed home to get our shoes. We get back and we still wound up waiting almost another half hour.. so we get our lane and next to us is this guy bowling by himself.. obviously someone who is there all the time.. he just walked in, didn't have to wait for a lane, nothing.. most of the time one of the people that worked there was sitting talking with him about his "game". On the other side we had a couple probably in their early 20's, next to them was a rowdy GROUP of mostly guys and a handful of girls probably in their mid 20's.... so we started our games... I got my highest score ever 164, I was damn proud, Tim hit every pin except the last frame and wound up with a 195 so of course he was totally ticked... Dylan did okay.. he was bowling in the low 100's which for a 13 year old isn't bad... but the world stopping, slow motion, punch in the gut moment happened somewhere during our 2nd game... I stepped up to bowl just as both the guys on either side of me stepped up to bowl. The "professional" guy on my right was already walking up to throw the ball and the guy next to me looked at me and said "go ahead m'am" OHHHHH MY FUCKING GOD KILL ME NOW! someone called me m'am! What the hell? I'm 30 not 70!!! The guy couldn't have been 5-7 years younger than me and he calls me m'am! Kill me.. just kill me... horrible.. just horrible...

I'm still amazed......

So today I went walking at lunch and looked down and saw I'm wearing a pair of capri's that I bought during last summer. It still amazes me that from season to season I can still fit in the same clothes and they still fit pretty much the same! This WW stuff has me thinking all the time about my body! It's so strange to be able to grab something off the shelf in my closet and KNOW it will fit and will look okay on me! A M A Z I N G!!!!

Religous delemma's.....

yes, so last night Tim was cleaning the garage and asked me if I wanted to decorate for Easter. With his birthday party coming up in two weekends I figured it would be nice to have the house decorated for Easter considering Easter is the very next day (April 8th). So I brought out all the little bunnies and chicks and put them in various places around the house. I didn't take my allergy pills last night so as I lay awake thinking somehow I got to thinking about Jesus hanging on the cross dead and rising again 3 days later which is now our Easter Sunday. So my question is, how do we know he was dead to begin with? With medical science we now know that we buried George Washington alive. He had leach therapy and they sucked so much blood out of him, his heartbeat was so faint they thought he was dead. They buried him and years later, unburied him and discovered scratch marks in the top of his coffin.. this must have happened time and time again because eventually people were buried with a string around their finger which was then attached to a bell and someone had to stand watch in the graveyard to make sure that within a few days that the bell did not ring. If it did, they unburied the person.. hence the phrase "dead ringer". Anyway.. so Jesus was whipped for hours bleeding all over the place then he had to drag his cross miles bleeding the whole way, then they nailed him to the cross, again bleeding all over the place... so where is there proof that he stopped breathing that his heart stopped beating and he was clincally dead? We have no proof... in fact, while we are on the topic of the big J.C. I'd like to know what person in today's day and age would believe any teenager that came up preggers and declared they had never had relations with any man.. yeah right.. sorry, I'm having issues in religious beliefs today... I believe that humans need to follow rules and laws, otherwise we'd be out there killing each other over road rage and other stupid things, and I'm all for treating others how you would want to be treated.. but believing stories when only 1 in 5,000 people could actually write in that day and time... I dunno.. leaves a tons of holes in those stories.. too many questions, too many medical facts that today are common knowledge.. hmmmm any comments?

a weekend with the boys...

and here we are again ladies and gents, facing another weekend with the boys! So again I'll be trying to get out of work on Friday at 4 so I can zoom around from Elgin to Crystal Lake, then up to Round Lake Beach, and back to Carpentersville all in around 3 hours time.. ughh I'm hating that drive.. but whatever.. it's gotta be done. soooo what to do with the boys *this* weekend.. well we have all 3 for the entire weekend sooooo I know Tim wants to go buy some new XBOX games and an extra controller, I want to buy a new cell phone, and I want to take them to Panera to eat! Yumm!! Don't know what else.. it will probably be gorgeous out too! ughh oh and Tim already said "no Violet" ughh I feel bad for her.. locked up all weekend with no kids!

My husband the GODFATHER, Leif the pole annilator, Dylan the homework escapee, and Sam, umm and Sam... uhh yeah, the good kid!!

I have absolutely NOTHING to write about Sam. He was his normal happy kid self this weekend. That kid just goes with the flow and doesn't say boo about anything.

ANYWAY, the big news is that Tim was asked to be the GODFATHER of Irina (my cousins 3rd child that was just born on Valentines Day). My sister will be the Godmother and already it's been a whirlwind of plans... planning the baptism that is! We're trying to hold it at our family church Miller Chapel in Johnsburg. That has been fun trying to get through all the layers of people whom we need to contact in getting permission to use it, a priest to come and actually perform the baptism etc etc etc. Then come the plans for the where to go to eat afterwards.. after all it's all about the food, right? j/k So first it was the Warsaw Inn or another place in Arlington Heights, but now it sounds as if Heather has decided on the Barn of Barrington which I'm perfectly happy with considering that is seriously 10 minutes from our house and Tim & I had our wedding reception there!! We love it.. it's beautiful, and has some meaning to our family.. so all in all, it's a great match.. oh and not terribly far from the chapel either! lol!

Okay on to Leif.. soooooo Tim decided to bring the kids to his work this weekend just to give them something to do and of course they found plenty to do.. I'll doubt that Leif will ever live this down.. but yeah.. he hit a pole in the middle of the warehouse! lol! "I didn't see it" is all we hear!

Dylan..yeah he came to my house this weekend with specific instructions that he was grounded until he got all his homework done.. yeah I'm reading the text book *TRYING* to figure it out and I'm totally lost.. so I called Pam and sure enough she was home AND willing to come over! she was our savior.. she came over in less than 5 minutes and had us working on the homework and actually understanding it! Go Pam! lol! We got it all done and I *think* he probably had to have gotten 100% on all the work we did! He was rechecking answers and everything! Go Dylan.. but then on Sunday afternoon right before his dad was set to pick him up, Tim found a page of homework he didn't do.. and of course Dylan is MIA! ughhh so I walked around the hood, didn't find him. I got in the truck and found him at the park and told him to get his butt home.. he told me he had already done that homework and he had.. but I was mad at first!

Had a fun weekend, did a ton of walking. Seriously.. Saturday I had to have walked between 10-15 miles.. I was walking the whole day.. then another 4 miles on Sunday morning, then another quick 4 miles last night with Julie before her WW weigh in!

I dedicate this song 2 my 1 & only son

so here I am again blogging about a song... I guess I listen to songs and relate to them for some reason... this song has stuck with me since my husband and I attended a wedding for his friend Mac, it was his mother/son dance song. It was so fitting for the two of them, because for Mac growing up it was just the two of them.... and she was one of those strong women who taught her son a ton about life. Dylan's father is a product of a relationship much the same with his mother, however, as much as she would want her son to have a simple life.. it just hasn't worked out that way... so here they are, the lyrics that I'd want my son to carry with him into "manhood" which has already begun... Dylan I love you!!


Artist: Lynyrd Skynyrd LyricsSong: Simple Man Lyrics

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time... Don't live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and you'll find love,
And don't forget son,
There is someone up above.

[Chorus]
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son,
If you can?Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

[Chorus]

Boy, don't you worry... you'll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

[Chorus]

The "make it or break it" phrase... 8 words that jerked my attention

When I found out Tim had cheated on me when we first started dating, I always thought that there would be a phrase a sentence, something that would be the "make it or break it" phrase.... whatever those words were, I never did hear them and we continued our relationship and got married. We've now been married for almost 9 years and every once in awhile I still get amazed at the simple things Tim will bring to my attention that throws my entire being out of alignment just long enough to realize sometimes I just don't see the bigger picture.. and here was a perfect example.. for those of you who know Tim, you know he is a man of few words. He's just not a big talker. He talks, but he's not overly chatty as I've always been my entire life. So last night we had one crazy night.. I'm not exactly sure how to explain what went down last night because honestly, I don't know if I'll ever know myself what happened. It involved my 2 nephews and their father, their fathers girlfriend and her daughter. I got a call to go pick them up, all I could think about was getting to them.. I stopped downstairs just long enough to ask Tim if he was going to come with me.. he did. On the way he was chatting about who the hell knows what, and it was frusterating me.. I just was concentrating on getting to my boys, and getting them out of whatever situation it was.. so after everything Tim and I are talking and I asked him WTF he was talking about on the way over to get them and he says "I was trying to get your mind off of everything" and I told him then that he needs to realize whenever there is a problem with any of those 3 boys that I go into "mom" mode, all I can think about is them until I know they are okay.. I can't go into some "chat" about some co-worker, or the dishes in the sink.. I'm totally focused, I hear nothing around me, it's just my mom mode.. I told him how much all 3 of our boys mean to me, the bond we have, and how I would die if there wasn't something I did to prevent them from getting hurt physically/emotionally... so Tim says "you don't think I love those boys too" that was IT for me.. it's something that throws my entire perspective off of my entire thinking of my husband.. it's not as if I don't realize he has a heart, and he hangs out with these kids for hours on end playing xbox and other games.. but having it said out loud like that just makes me see what a great guy I married... it's funny how you learn something new every day even about the man you've lived with for almost 9 years!

nothing to report....

nothing to report... seriously.. Tim is sick with what I had, half my office is sick as well, ummm I dunno if I wrote that I got on the news on my trip... long story.. basically we saw a few news crews at the airport the day we left and they came and interviewed me... what else.. Blue will be home in a month, and that's great because I am really starting to miss him.. it's horrible. I think going to see him was why I miss him.. because last year he went with us and came home with us.. this time I left him there.. very hard.

Nicky Scargill found me on myspace, so that's cool! Someone I keep losing touch with.. seems to be a ton of changes in her life since I last talk to her so I'm curious to hear what's all happened and how it played out.

this excuse takes THE CAKE....

Yeah.. so here it is... I announced some time ago my cousin Heather was preggers with her 3rd.. yup.. Irina was born on Valentines Day... a whopping 10lbs 10oz after pooping.. so bascially a 11lb child... guess there was no world rockin or Valentines Dinner for her hubbie that night!

just got back from AZ. We left earlier because our flight got cancelled, then got back late last night.. back to work tomorrow.. the trip was eventful, as usual, for our family.. we did the usual pool, food, pool, outing, food, mall, etc. VERY long story, my sister & younger nephew wound up coming home early, but we got to keep Leif there. We still had a good time just hanging out.. beats being in Chicago at work in the cold!

Went to my hoochie mama store... they were closing in less than an hour and I only found 2 things I wanted to buy and they really didn't even fit right.. not sure why I even did buy them.. oh well..

The SISTERHOOD rules.... 1 strike YOU'RE OUT!

yeahhhhh so my sister's exs new girlfriend decides to call my sister yesterday.. yeah not the best of situations.. but my sister actually did talk to her and I'm glad she did.. Michael is cheating on her too.. like we said what 6-7 months ago when I saw him with some other woman... yeah.. okay.. so it's a co-worker of hers and his current live in girlfriend wants my sister to be there for her.. umm where the fuck were you when I needed you and I was going through this??? ohhh yeah you were fucking my husband! that's right! hey, once you fuck a married man... you are kicked to the sisterhood curb. see ya...

it's not over.....

Some of you may know about our big fight at the end of July. It was seriously over that night.. our marriage, our lives together, everything we had worked 10 years for was done and I could have walked away with confidence that I had done the right thing. I packed some clothes up, grabbed my dog and walked out the door.. fighting with Tim for another couple hours after that point was never part of the plan, or calling the cops, and I'm sure in retrospect not any of the sequence that happened that night was party of anyone's plan except the BIG PLAN. Everything happens for a reason.. seeing my sister walk away from her marriage and move on, Michelle walk away from her marriage, and a few other friends who recently just broke finally walked away from a failing relationship after YEARS gave me strength in the realization that I COULD DO IT. I could be on my own, I would be okay, I would survive, I would thrive, and have less regrets. There is enough time after death to worry about regrets, lets not waste anymore time on earth doing just that. I recently went to dinner with some girlfriends and told them the story and then last night I watched the movie "the affair" and everything the wife in that movie said to her husband was me to a T... Everything the husbands french co-worker said to him was our relationship to a T.. they just don't see... but here I am at Valentines Day this year hoping that next year I won't be feeling the same as I have the last 10 years in this relationship. So here it is.. my anthem for my relationship with my husband in the now.. it's not over...

Chris Daughtry It's Not Over Lyrics
It's Not OverI was blown away
What could I sayIt all seemed to make sense.
You've taken away everything
And I can't deal with that.

I try to see the good in life.
But good things in life are hard to find.
I'll blow it away, blow it away
Can we make this something good?
(Well I'll try to do to it right this time around)

Let's start over,
Try to do it right this time around
It's not over
Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But you're the only oneIt's not over.

I've taken all I can takeAnd I cannot wait
We're wasting too much time
Being strong and holding on
Can't let it bring us down
My life with you means everything
So I won't give up that easilyI'll blow it away, blow it away

Can we make this something good?
Cause it's all misunderstood(Well I'll try to do to it right this time around)
Let's start over,
Try to do it right this time around
It's not overCause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But you're the only one
It's not over.
We can't let this get away
Let it out, let it out
Don't get caught up in yourself
Let it out.Let's start over
Well try to do to it right this time around
Its not over
Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But you're the only oneIt's not over.
Lets start over Its not over
This love is killin me But you're the only one
It's not over

the angels are on a low hummmmmm

yup.. finally got under 152.. thank god.. I can eat on our trip! lol! ;) the trick?? yeah working out less.. go figure.

dropping like a lead fart...

wellllll there are several things dropping like a lead fart around me... this weekend was a total bust.. from getting Tim's Christmas gift which wound up not fitting him, to going out for Michelle's bachelorette party where she wound up sick in the bathroom for 2 hours, to the first 12 seconds of the superbowl giving us total false hope and the Bears choking allowing the colts to win, to the fact that I actually won $200 on the superbowl.. not the way I wanted to... to the way that Tim is not on speaking terms with anyone in the world this morning... yeah that's really fun.... what else.. oh to my weight.. I've been struggling with for the past month and it's just not dropping this time around. This weekend the scale actually read 152.6 then I got back on and it said 154.4.. I can't win.. I'm going to take it easy this week.. just do mall walking.. and I was going to be good this week.. but I brought all of my extra superbowl food to work.. and yeah I've been eating it. So there you have it.. the weekend was a total bust, I can't wait to get on that plane in 8 days... SUN SUN SUN here I come!

close but no cigar...

so... I went and faced that darn WW scale on Saturday morning. I went Friday night and ran 4 miles. I could have ran more but I had to run to get Dylan, so I was literally out of time. It was pretty amazing though because by the time I hit 3 1/2 miles I had this pace just going that I could have just kept up with for as long as I decided to. It was like standing, it wasn't any big deal to keep watching tv, listening to my mp3 player and running.. I know my neighbor Adam said eventually it would get to be like that.. but I had my doubts. So Friday I had to go #2 3 times, plus I went again right away Sat morning.. not to mention all the water I drank all week so I figured I should have lost a little something during the week. On Saturday morning I weighed myself at home and was 153.1... okay that's good at least it's close to the 152 mark. It appears as if I've been trying.. so I grab the lightest clothes I could find.. a tiny thong, a sports bra made of pratically nothing, a t-shirt so thin you could see through it, and the lightest workout pants I own. I get to WW and get on the scale and it's 153.2.. umm there is no way that my clothes only weighed .1 of a lb.. but hey WHO AM I TO ARGUE! I'll take it! lol! So Sally my leader immediately starts asking what's up.. I explain the holidays, a 30th birthday, mixed with changing my pcos treatments just wasn't good timing but I was working on it.. so she asks if I want to up my goal weight. I made my goal weight what it is for a reason, not so I could blow it off and wind up being a fat cow again, thanks.. no I know I had to pay this month, I'll pay. I thought *maybe* I could get under 152, I tried, didn't make it.. oh well.. that's fine. I found a coupon for $10 for LT members and I used that... so if I chuck it up to a $10 penalty fee for all the free meetings I've had in the last year, it was worth it. Plus I learned something for next year.. don't mix 30th birthdays, the holidays, and pocs treatments! lol! ;)

So of course after that, the journal flew out the window.. went to Angelica's 2nd birthday at House of Hunan... buffett! OMG did I eat.. then the cake came out.. my favorite Jewel cake.. so yummy.. then dinner at Arby's even though I wasn't even hugnry I couldn't pass up a hot ham and cheese.. oh and choc chip cookies.. oh and Sunday dinner at Toco El Norte.. yeah it was a fun eating weekend! lol! I'm a food addict, I know!

MY HERO, DA BEARS, and the angels will sing if it kills me...

Well yesterday was a pretty eventful day.. A co-worker of Tim's had a heart attack. Tim found him 5 minutes later and did CPR on him until the paramedics came. The paramedics got him going again on the way to the hospital, but he his still not concious so we will see how this progresses. I guess this is just another example of why everyone needs to live life to the fullest. Each day is truely a gift...

DA BEARS.. are going to SUPERBOWL!! whoo-hoo It's been 21 years in the making.. but here we are again! once per generation, does that sound right? I was in 4th grade and my son Dylan is in 7th.. I guess so! lol! Either way, Tim and I are having a superbowl party!

Tim and I went to the Cardinal on Randall this weekend! Their machines are great! I love that place. I'd rather drive there to work out if I can. Maybe on the weekends we'll do that. I ran on Saturday (and mall walked that morning), then ran again on Monday. The scale finally said 153.8 this am. I'll still have to pay for my meeting this month, but oh well.. what can I do? I'll just do my best the rest of this week and try to get down a little more before Saturday and go weigh in. No biggie. I know I'm back on track and will continue. I'd really like to get down to my personal goal of 140 someday... someday.... someday...

Blue is doing well in AZ. My parents love having him down there. It sounds like they enjoy his little antics!

the road to success can BITE MY ARSE!

Yeah so the first week back on program was great.. got down 5lbs no problem.. after that the scale has climbed and I've been doing really well. Walking a few days per week, going to the gym a few days per week, using my workout DVDs a few days per week.. so I'm thinking I'm doing well and the scale is YELLING at me that I'm not doing that well and it SUCKS! So here I am back up to 156 and holding.. I can pray all I want.. I'm not making it under 152 by the 31st.. it doesn't matter.. it's just NOT HAPPENING... so today I left work at lunch and worked out.. OMG what a difference. I had so much more energy, got through my 3 mile run like I'd been running it every day, did some weights/machines, some ball exercises, even some stretching.. took my shower and got back to work in an hour and 45 minutes.. not bad! I'm hoping I'm back on track now! Also got what I'll call a TOM on Sunday night... so maybe that's why I'm up?? I dunno!

running back to.... to... ME, I guess!

So I went running last week twice, was going to go over the weekend to check out Tim's gym.. never got around to it.. I did, however, walk Friday, Saturday AND Sunday plus we worked around the house a ton... anyway.. I'm trying to flip flop my points so I eat more points during the day so yesterday I had eaten I think 13 points by the time I got to the gym (normally I'm around 9-10 points by 5pm) . I got to the gym and was just dreading running, I get there and the place is packed.. had to park really far down.. no biggie I'm coming to work out the walk will do me good.. get in there and there is not one open treadmill.. okay I'll go change when I get out maybe there will be one.. yeah there were two.. I grabbed one and started running.. there was a girl running next to me at a pace I normally walk at (walk FAST at, but none the less walk at) and to me she looked to be in much better shape than me.. but for whatever reason we kept along with each other. I ran 2 miles than stopped and walked a bit, then ran, walked, sprinted, walked.. I wound up burning 400 calories, jogging/walking over 3.5 miles all in under 45 minutes.. and the best part.. I left feeling freakin great! I was estatic.. I wasn't tired, I wasn't sore.. nothing.. it was wonderful! Best part.. I got on the scale today and was down to 155.2! whoo-hoo.. I might be able to actually weigh in this month without paying.. we can pray...

and hopefully this round I'll actually keep losing and get down to that 140 I've been waiting for. I think I changed my personal goal weight to 135 because even when I was 141 I was still feeling a bit on the pudge side. We'll see how this round goes!

Blue left last Wednesday for AZ!! And finally it's getting cold her so I don't feel so bad.. the first couple days after he left it was in the 50's! I was like "I DID NOT SEND MY DOG AWAY FROM ME FOR 3 MONTH SO IT COULD BE 50 DEGREES HERE IN CHICAGO"!! lol! He did well on the drive, my mom said the last day he was a bit antsy, but other than that he has been really good.. my sister warned me that I might not get that dog back and I think that there is some truth to that because my mom is totally ga-ga for that dog now! ughhh Anyway, we're going to AZ in February, I found tickets for $153 round trip.. couldn't pass it up.. I can't wait to see my little guy.. only 5 more weeks! lol!

i'm going to make those f'in angels sing.. I swear it...

I'm back at it today.. back on the wagon.. determined to make my personal goal weight of 140! Those angels will sing one day soon.. I got my new WW scale that is digital.. I just have to set it up to calculate bmi and body fat % and I'm in business. At least for now I can actually tell if I'm 150 or 155! yikes.. got on this am and was 160.2.. yeah I have a ways to go to get to go back to WW. I have a funny feeling I'll be paying for this month at least...

Blue leaves for AZ tomorrow for 3 months.. I'm REALLY upset about it.. but it's better for him.. had all his shots/tests on Friday... so now I just have to pack up all his little doggie stuff and cart him over to my mom's tonight and it's done.. poor little man. I miss him already. I just know it's a better thing for him to be with my parents in the nice warm AZ weather vs here in sub zero temps.

haven't run at all since the 8th, my new lQQk, and my husbands balls belong in a vice

yes, there it is.. I was off for 9 days... got very little accomplished including having my IUD put in which I really needed the time off to do.. but of course every time I called the office assured me once I got my now 2 week late period that 17 pregnancy tests confirmed was still on it's way that I could be squeezed in between 2 appointments.. "it won't take long" but sure as shit, I'm peeing on the stick and bleeding at the same time on Friday morning, ran to call the drs office and of course.. Tuesday at 2:15.. UMM NO I've explained my situation several times and you assured me I could be squeezed in. I'm off all day today and tomorrow, I can come in any time.. did someone cancel.. "nope people don't call to cancel until after their appt was suppossed to happen" UMM YEAH THAT'S BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE RETARDS AND DON'T CALL THE DAY BEFORE TO REMIND PEOPLE OF THEIR APPOINTMENTS THAT THEY HAVE TO MAKE 3 MONTHS IN ADVANCE THAT THEY ALL PROBABLY FORGET ABOUT! ASSHOLES. okay.. anyway. so I never go to the gym not once during those 9 days.. then Monday night I was going to go and wound up working late and not being able to go, yesterday I had the blasted IUD appointment. After that I called my husband told him I was putting his ball in a vice then grabbing an old rusty wire hanger and shoving it up his dick hole and spinning it once every 3-4 seconds.

OKAY and on to my new lQQk, I saw a pic of Cameron Diaz and she has her hair super dark brown red tone with about the same cut as me.. so one Friday night I went over to Theresa's and Steph came over and did all of our hair. I like it.. Tim doesn't.. not for sure how many people like it but it's either you love it or you hate it... there is no in between with this color.

ran 9 miles this week!

Yes, I have this plan of running my 3 miles at 5.5mph and I've actually gone up to 3 1/4 miles Wednesday at 5.5mph. I figured once that starts getting easy (ha!) then I can up that mph to 5.6 or 5.7 and take it from there. Yeah, so Mon/Wed/Fri this week I ran 3 miles each day totally 9 miles PLUS walking and other activities during the week. I have to start working on weight training!

Okay, the angels just HATE me I think..

I know this will take time to get down to 140, but the scale has not budged since I got back down to 144... this weekend is full with eating opportunities to the fullest... We have Dylan and Jake this weekend... Friday night running, then dinner, then off to pick the boys up (in the truck as requested by my son), then Saturday morning brunch with my sister, mom, and some of my sister's nursing school friends in celebration of her new found independence, then probably lunch with the boys, plus going to a party at Steph's house in Wonder Lake so whatever I bring to that... Sunday Puppy Play date in Chicago that I *might* go to, then I have off all week. Friday is my first Thanksgiving, then Saturday our 2nd thanksgiving with Tim's family, so my WW week is really messed up. I'll try to be as good as I can be, but it won't be easy! So another month between to work hard on losing, Christmas shopping, and preparing for the rest of the holidays.. and the angels just hate me.

BEFORE HE CHEATS

My sisters divorce was final as of yesterday... she has taken our maiden name back so we are both officially as our birth certificates read! I love it. When she said her name out loud "I'm Wendy B again" I said "hey I remember her"

Anyway.. it's still sad that my now balls stapled to the wall ex brother in law had to pull all the bs on her, and lord knows he could have brought any f'in disease back that could have killed my sister.... but it's still a sad situation. I don't like to see my sister in the dumps and even worse at the hands of the person she adored the most in the world.

As her divorce proceedings began I named Keith Urban's song "you'll think of me" as her them song, but now that the divorce is final.. I'm naming BEFORE HE CHEATS by Carrie Underwood her new theme song.. of course along with the all time WOMAN'S national anthem... I WILL SURVIVE!

Wendy is officially divorced!

WHOO-HOO PARTY PARTY PARTY! The dreaded divorce is done, she had court this am and it's over done. Thank god.. now we can move on to other crazy family mis haps! lol!

"it's about touching lives"

so here it is.. Saturday morning... the night after I had salty food at a pampered chef party, followed by taco bell... didn't drink/eat at the bar, but I weighed in a a few lbs less than I was last month, so I'm good with that. So the meeting hadn't begun yet and I went up front to grab another meeting schedule so I'd have one for my little weigh in book to keep handy. I walk up front and the lady who works there that Carolyn and I have always thought was bitchy (but really just has a dry sense of humor) is talking to this little girl. She was probably between 10-12 years old, overweight, and crying. She was telling the little girl that the hardest part of doing WW and losing weigh is walking in that door and she did it. I wanted so badly to walk up to the little girl and tell her about all the years of struggle I've gone through with my weight and if I had started at her age when the problem started that life would have been much easier for me. I didn't want to ruin the attention that the WW lady had with the little girl and she had already said the best thing she could have said to her, so I left at that. The little girl and her mom stayed for the meeting so I tried my best to make the meeting sound fun and upbeat, adding tons of comments here and there, etc. When I got up to leave, the little girl and mom were sitting behind me and staying for the "beginners" after meeting and I again really wanted to say something, but the little girl had her head down. I know exactly how she was feeling, but I know in a few weeks that head will come up as those lbs start shedding themselves. She will be leading a much healthier happier life in just a few weeks time. I hope to see that little girl again at the meetings. I went up front to buy the measured serving spoons I had wanted for awhile and I stood in line to pay with the lady who had been talking to the little girl and I told her what an awesome thing she had done for that little girl. She actually smiled at me and said "thank you, it's not about the paycheck, it's about touching lives" and she really did her "duty" today! As I was driving home it made me think about how I've said and others have told me I'd make a great WW leader. I had said a few times that if I was going to do it, I wanted to wait a full year past my "lifetime" status date. Well that date is approaching in about 4 months, so the next time I get that little flyer about WW employee information, I'll definately be at that meeting because after all.. "it's about touching lives"

random emails....

from my sister.. subject line: JUST MY LUCK

I was driving by a church today and I saw two Hearses parked in front. I thought - Oh My what a tragedy, two lives lost. I wonder what happened?
As I drove a little closer I saw, No, two lives were not lost, one Hearse was broken down with the hood up. And I thought, you know that would be just my luck. You're dead, it's the last trip you are making on earth, all you want is to be laid to rest, and the damn Hearse BREAKS DOWN!!!!

I wonder if the deceased was one of those people who is ALWAYS late for everything?
That would be hilarious!

from my neighbor Pam after I had a cr@p @zz day yesterday.. LONG STORY THERE

Melissa, you are very motivating. In general, I think you're just a
very positive, happy, friendly person! You are the life of our
neighborhood and the website. You are good at helping people to feel
good about themselves. You also have a knack for getting folks
involved.

I know I'm not as "into" things as you are, but considering the fact
that before I met you and Carolyn, I did NO exercise at all, did
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about my weight gains, and in fact just sat around my
house feeling depressed and miserable (partly chemical issues (dumb
brain), partly self pity, and partly bad habits), you have helped me a
lot. I'm exercising some, made new friends, realized I CAN lose weight
if I try, my house is getting cleaned up, I've had people over, I've
gotten out to more neighborhood get-togethers, and I'm not feeling like
I'd like to sleep and sleep and sleep!!! So, thank you to Melissa
especially, but also Carolyn, Pat and Julie!!!! (Also anti-depressants,
therapy, and an awesome mom.)

I don't always have time to respond to your email, but I do read it.
Even though I don't get out walking as much as I'd like or should, it is
so nice knowing you're all there for me and would help me out in any way
if I asked for it.

finally 3 miles @ 5.5mph & still no angels singing at 140lbs

Ughh it's taken me since July 20th to get here, but last night I finally did it! yahhh whoo.. Now I think I'll do 3 miles for a couple weeks at 5.5 until it gets easy and just up it 1 at a time until I get up. I can do a 1/4 a mile at 6 mph but that's it.. I'm done. something more to keep working on.

As far as the angels singing at 140lbs.. still not happening. I got really close near my birthday and then just blew it. I'm back journaling and everything so we'll see what the scale says later this week.

OH WHAT A NIGHT!

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back in the groove

and feeling great! I've been journaling, running, walking, and I made it through Halloween without eating ANY yes I said ANY Halloween candy. I did start making these great 1 pt peanut butter cups that are soooo yummy! I'm back down to 144 nekkid on my home scale, so to me that's great. I'm getting really anxious about the holidays but I'm making plans so I can control myself this year... let's just hope I can follow through!

Have a great weekend planned! Tonight walking, then Dylan is being dropped off and we're having spaghetti with garlic bread for dinner. I'm weighing in tomorrow morning as long as I don't gain because of TOM starting Monday. Going to lunch with Mac, Jennifer, Jessica for my birthday at SWEET TOMATOES baby, then later going to meet up at Cubby Bear for drinks with some old friends. Sunday is Adam's birthday party and football! Sounds like a yummy weekend to me!

up UP & AWAY...

ughh my 30th birthday totally fucked me.. really it did.. I gained back a ton of weight, I can't even say how much for sure becuase I was down to 141 on my scale at home (nekkid in the morning) and I weighed in last Monday the 23rd and was up to 151.4... only .6 of a lb away from having to pay. I *was* thinking about going that night.. GOOD THING I DIDN'T... geez.. so back on the wagon I got and the scale has been creeping down s-l-o-w-l-y! ughh totally frusterating. I didn't weigh in Saturday morning because I had eaten bad on Friday night so we'll see what next Saturday morning brings.. ughh not so good either, considering I'll be getting my period that week.. well anyway.. I'm back on the wagon and planning my way through the holidays...

new slide show.. me & my honey...

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running with my son

I took Thurs/Fri off last week and Mon/Tue off this week to hang out with Dylan because he is off of school. I planned his catscan & braces appts but I really wanted to just hang out with him. As always we really haven't done much. Yesterday we went to a movie, made his fav chicken parm for dinner, then went to the gym together. As we were on the treadmills running together I realized I never really worked out with my parents. I think I'm making some changes for him by working out with him.

back to the freakin drawing board.....

Okay not fun... a month ago exactly today I weighed in at 144 fully clothed etc at WW.. yeah umm today... 151.4! I would have had to pay if I had been 152, there goes my little cushion straight to hell in a handbasket because of my freakin 30th birthday! yikes.. turning 30 sucks! lol! Nahhh turning 30 was cool, Timmy threw me a surprise party for family/friends which got wrecked EXACTLY 24 hours before the party... one of Tim's (now) ex-buddies called me to ask why I was ticked at him and why he didn't get an invite to my birthday party.. f'in ass!

Heather, here is the PORSCHE 1978 928

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I'm bringing SEXY back!

So I was just out walking with one of my WW/workout buddies and she was telling me that at WW this week they were talking about what song is their "anthem" their weight loss. I guess some answers were "I'm a little teapot" or "unwritten" etc. So I have WW on Saturday so I have 3 full days to think of my WW anthem. At first I was thinking TAMIA, "theres a stranger in my house" meaning there was a stranger in my house (my body) who just didn't give a shit about my body. I was abusive to it, didn't respect it, etc. But then I was thinking of the song Unforgettable meaning I will never forget the fat girl I once was and what she taught me and my WW journey was unforgettable and that is the reason I won't gain the weight back... I can't forget. THEN, I get in my Porsche and BLAMO, Justin Timberlake's BRINGING SEXY BACK is blaring and I'm like "yeah baby, I'm bringing sexy back" So THAT my friends is my WW anthem!

my ww story, front page of the daily herald TODAY!!

Inspiring weight loss earns woman a prize
BY LARISSA CHINWAH
Daily Herald Staff Writer
Posted Thursday, September 21, 2006

Melissa B**** thought she was doing everything possible to shed unwanted pounds.

But no matter how often the 29-year-old Carpentersville resident worked out and no matter how many Slim Fast shakes she drank for breakfast or Lean Cuisine meals she ate for lunch, she said she could not lose any weight.

Now, more than 18 months after joining Weight Watchers, Bodzioch has lost 42 pounds. Her transformation earned her a second-place prize in the Weight Watchers Inspiring Stories of the Year contest.

The contest, now in its eighth year, draws entries from thousands of men and women across the nation, each with their own unique personal journey to their epiphany - when they realized something needed to change.

Entrants were required to tell their weight-loss story in 150 words or less, describing health improvements and benefits of weight loss, as well as elements of the program that kept them on track. With more than 40,000 applicants from across the country, Bodzioch said she did not expect to be selected.

(COURTESY OF MELISSA B*****) Melissa B*****, 29, who has dropped 42 pounds on the program, was recently named one of 128 second-prize winners in Weight Watchers Inspiring Stories of the Year contest.


(COURTESY OF MELISSA B*****) Melissa B***** weighed 186 pounds before joining Weight Watchers in January 2005.


"I was in my boss's office shrieking at the top of my lungs. I was so excited," Bodzioch said of her reaction to the announcement.

Even those who worked closest with Melissa in helping her lose weight said her selection was surprising.

"I have been a leader for five years and I have never had any of my members win a contest," said Sally South, a leader at the Crystal Lake Weight Watchers center. "It is cool that she won second place. Her story was very inspiring."

Melissa's success did not come easily. Although her weight fluctuated growing up, her battle with weight hit a wall once she stopped developing. She tried the various diets, such as the Zone 6, and worked out vigorously. After eight months of working out with no visible results, Melissa said a friend asked her to write down everything she ate.

Bodzioch said she was consuming fewer than 1,200 calories a day and her body was in starvation mode.

"I told my friend if I am going to write down everything I eat, I might as well be doing Weight Watchers," Melissa said.

That's exactly what she did.

In January 2005, Melissa hesitantly joined the Weight Watchers program for the first time, weighing in at 186 pounds.

Although she said she lost about 2 pounds a week on the program that assigns points to food and sets daily and weekly limits, Melissa said she quit the program and tried to do it alone.

"The meetings were crucial to me," she said. "I went on other diets but I hit a plateau on them. I stalled for eight or nine months."

Having a member drop out is the most frustrating part of the program, South said.

"The one thing I tell people is that there is no quitting, no quitting, no quitting," South said. "I have to keep them coming even when they have had a bad week because the rest of us have probably all had a bad week, too."

Within a year, Melissa rejoined the program. Melissa said she is now well below her weight goal and the benefits are countless.

"I have never been able to run and now I can run three miles without problems," said Melissa, who now weighs 144 pounds. "I can go shopping and not worry about something not fitting. I often take clothing in that is a few sizes too big. It is still amazing to me."

But reaching her goal doesn't mean she is satisfied. "This is a thing for life," she said. "I still do it every day. It is not a one-time fix."

YOU ARE READING THE BLOG OF THE 2ND PLACE WINNER IN A RECENT NATIONWIDE WW CONTEST

YUP THAT'S ME!! whoo-hooo I got the call at work from my WW leader who I originally thought was Sally from my old work out place.. I couldn't figure out why she was calling me and why she was talking about WW! lol! ooops.. so I don't even know what I've won I heard something about $150 for something and an overnight stay at a hotel or something... other than that.. she asked me to come talk at a few meetings tomorrow and she said she was calling the media.. radio, newspaper, tv interviews to come...?? we'll see!

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Salad envy... yes I said SALAD

Anyway just gotta get this off my chest... I HATE WOMEN WITH THEIR PERFECT SALADS WITH RANCH DRESSING... okay.. I walk into the lunch room yesterday at work and one my co-workers is happily monching on her perfect out of a commercial salad that was swimming in full fat ranch dressing.. ughhh I haven't been eating very healthy lately so seeing a salad really gets me, I've actually been CRAVING salad.. go figure.. mybody knows what's good now... THEN I'm watching t.v. last night and that Hidden Valley Ranch commercial comes on with that girl eating her commercial perfect salad swimming in full fat Hidden Valley Ranch dressing as the world moves around her and she doesn't have a care in the world BECAUSE SHE'S EATING MY SALAD! ughhh anyway.. I made a salad today for lunch, however, it's no where commercial perfect looking and I barely had anything to put in it AND I have no full fat Ranchdressing... oh well...

Spoke too soon....

Yeah so at the end of my last post everything was honkey dorey.. Well Tim wound up staying downtown after the Cubs game so I had to go get Dylan at his friends house in Mundelien. The cool thing was on the way home we were hungry to we went to Kobe (a japanese steak house) for dinner. I didn't feel bad spending the $75 because Tim had spent so much the last couple days on poker and what not. Anyway, so that sorta sucked to not get home Friday night until 8pm but whatever. It was a fun time with Dylan.

Saturday morning we woke up and went to Heather's 2nd birthday party. They had a ton of other kids there so it was a good time. Got my baby fix for the next few months! nice. Got home, layed around for awhile and then went down to Kris's golden birthday party, a party he's been planning for months.... got there, met some of his friends, hung out, then Tim and Dylan came down too. Anyway, the party was a ton of fun and them Tim and I started fighting, and I won't type everything out because all the details are just too long and complicated, but basically the cops were called etc. Doubt I'll forget this fight ever. So all in all... I spoke too soon because the shit hit the fan on Saturday!

Green lights all the way followed by I GOT HIT BY A BUS

So Thursday I got all green lights on the way to work... it was amazing.. Wed night I had an awesome night out to Carmalita's, then to Target, got home made my veggie pizza and still had time to walk the dog. So by the middle of Thursday I was waiting to get hit by a bus a train or for something horrible in my life to happen.. I think it was God's way of destressing me before what was to come next. And as it turns out in the end, it wasn't so bad, but during it sucked... read on... read on....


had a REALLY crappy night last night then got to work and it's been one of those days where I REALLY wish that I could have just called in sick but that would have totally *f'ed* all my co-workers and wouldn't have been fair. First I'm driving home on the phone w/ Dan he says I'll call you back okay.. whatever... get home start making the munchies for the poker game at my house and trying to get ready for the lakeland meeting at 7pm. Anyway I didn't know how to make the dip so I grab my phone and try to call Tim. It kept saying "call failed, retry?" so I kept hitting retry, nothing. ughhh what now. so I'm thinking I'm having the same problem some neighbors had the day before with Nextel but now it hit Cingular. So I tried to call my work phone and a few other numbers then I tried to text and nothing. So finally I walked down the street to find Glen to find out what time we were leaving, etc and Tim drives down the street and for the 2nd night in a row just starts yelling at me out his car window totally freaking out about me not answering my phone. the night before I was with Pam, if EITHER of us had heard my phone I would have answered it. It was in the backseat, we had the radio on and were laughing/chatting so of course I didn't hear it! WTF, anyway so I tell him my phone is broken then he starts bitching that I BROKE my phone, so then I say "okay, so Jeff AND Carolyn also BROKE their phone at the exact same time yesterday and it just magically started working again later???" whatever, @zz... so I find Glen we make plans, we leave for the meeting.. had a good meeting. Then I get home and the dog is barking etc at everybody so they are all bitching.. so I'm like "okay f'ers then why the heck don't one of you host other than Jeff and Adam?" and I walk away.. whatever jerks. Tim buys them beer always has food etc and they bitch about my dog.. don't f'in come then. Anyway.. I leave take Blue for a walk. Between having a pop at noon yesterday Wild Cherry Pepsi and the choc ice cream and cake I was still totally wired so I hung out online until around 11:30. I called cingular and they think it's my sim card so I'm basically without a phone until Tuesday.. although it has been working today, so whatever. IN the meantime, people are calling Tim asking what is wrong with me, why I called them and hung up.. my phone wasn't working I wasn't calling anyone! So basically my phone was making all sorts of calls to people I NEVER call for no reason.. nice huh? I hope I called Japan and rack up a sweet bill too! f'ers. anyway... so I lay down around midnight and was still wired so I watched tv... at that point I should have gotten my lazy butt out of bed and just taken some tylenol pm or benadryl or something.. nope I layed there until 2:30, then Tim comes in and I start talking to him in a normal voice and he's like "why are you still up" ummm the door kept slaming, water running, toliet flushing, dog barking PLUS even if I could have slept through that I couldn't because I'm wired from choc and caffeine from noon today! So we start fighting about how I'm so sensitive to everything LIKE I CAN CHANGE THAT ABOUT MY BODY? whatever. anyway.. so now it's 3 am, still can't sleep finally get up taken benadryl, put lotion on my feet (they felt dry), went to the bathroom, got some chapstick on etc layed back down. I asked Tim if he won/lost.. he just says "lost" how much? $60.. OKAY.. I got you $20 where did the other $40 come from "I stopped for $$ for the Cubs game tomorrow" oh yea, okay so you spent all $60 PLUS bought $26 worth of beer PLUS food.. so were out $100 for 5 hours of YOUR entertainment, PLUS you now have to get more $ out for the Cubs game. F'er. Okay so I finally fall asleep around 4am ish then I wake up at 6 and couldn't fall back to sleep. I fell back to sleep around 7ish and woke up at 7:30 and had to get out of bed. Walked into work and OF COURSE, the day from hell.. 2 same day purchases sitting on my desk.. okay no biggie.. but then I find out that all this work that one girl brought home didn't get done.. so that's like 4-5 hours more work that we have to all split between us and add to our normal load. PLUS it's end of the month so we always have to help with other stuff that has nothing to do with us, but whatever. I open my first file and it's a total wreck and the day has just continued like that.. the copier jamming, files changing at the last minute, broker's and title co's calling to freak out about nothing, etc.
Okay.. so how are your sinuses today? My boss's birthday was yesterday and she had a crappy night after she left work, THEN, she didn't sleep because of her sinuses. ughhh Then the girl across from me announces her husband was in the ER all night after falling 50 some odd feet off a scaffold at work with another guy and the other guy is blaming him for the accident, etc. Yeah, then we have a pregger almost due who is just a hormonal mess (her boyfriend is in Kuwait), then we have our funders that are constantly fueding because neither one of them does the job the same and they fight over who is doing what right.. I've warned my entire office just not to come near us today...

so in the end after all my huffing.. I've felt pretty alert all day, a little tired when I went home to let the dog out, but it's hot out. The copying/stacking was all done by 1pmish with the exception of a few hangover fundings. All my files are totally done, and it seems no more are coming tonight AND fundings are done. Oh and the best part.... I was going to have to pick up Dylan in Round Lake Beach but then he went to his friends in Mundelien (okay a little better) then Tim calls me and says he'll pick him up on his way home from the Cubs game! Ohhh yeah.. it's Friday and I'm going home right at 5 baby!

THAT GIRL IS A RUNNING FOOL, Blue the sweet potato begger, and ME AT MYSPACE?

HOLY CRAP! I SERIOUSLY CAN NOT BELIEVE I'VE DONE THIS! Last post I was talking about making 3 miles running a goal to make by Labor Day... well here I am here to say that I did it last night! It was totally amazing to me that I did it. I had the treadmill set at 5.2 mph the entire way and just listened to my mp3 player and beepoobed through 34 1/2 minutes of running. Totally amazing to me!

After I met Julie and her sister Connie to walk and we took this crazy "scenic tour" walking all weird ways, but it was fun and we found all sorts of junk along the way to talk and laugh about. I'm not going to the gym or walking tonight. I'm giving my feet a break, I have a blistery kind of thing on the back of my foot that makes it hard to walk so I went home and got some flip flops and feel so much better.

Also, have I told you about how much Blue loves sweet potato? He L♥VES them! When I was buying sweet potato fries from Trader Joes he would beg for them and I'd always give him a nibble, but the last few days I've had one with dinner and he always begs for scraps and everything I give him he gobbles right up!

Yup, that's right you read the header... I finally made an account/webpage on my space. WTF it's free and I've already touched base with a few girls that I haven't talked to since high school so that's been nice catching up with them.

2 miles straight, my MP3 player, and my proudest conversation with Dylan

Well I ran a full 2 miles today without stopping, then walked a few miles with the girls at the park district. I wanted to stop at the gym and get in some running because I had an hour to kill before I had to meet the girls and I just kept pushing myself "another 1/4 mile" and eventually at 2 miles I felt like puking and I had to do some sort of cool down so I could get on the road to meet the girls! It was great, I feel great, all is well.

Tim bought us MP3 players for the gym and that's been fun loading songs on them and I really think they help me run and keep my mind off what I'm actually doing.......... K I L L I N G M Y S E L F!!!! ahh it's all good... I would really like to be at 3 miles by Labor Day as a part of my Labor of Love Challenge on the Lifetime WW chat room.

And lastly, which *should* be firstly, but it happened over last weekend so it's not quite as fresh as my run 2 hours ago... I had this awesome conversation with Dylan. I can talk to him about anything and the same goes with Leif too. I had that type of relationship with both my mom and my grandma so I cherish the fact that anything goes with my conversations with Dylan and Leif ESPECIALLY now that they are both getting older. Anyway the highlight of this particular conversation was me telling Dylan that he wasn't a mistake. I think it's important for him to know that his dad and I weren't two stupid kids that made an oops.. we WANTED him.

#3 coming right up!!

Yup, it's official, my cousin Heather announced today that she is 9 weeks preggers... So I get another new niece or nephew and I can't wait!

Weighed in over the weekend at 144.4... pretty exciting to me even though the scale at home said less the last week or so.

Also, I'm part of a "fit couple"!! At my Aunt Kathies party today Michael mentioned that both Tim and I look good and are a fit couple! I love it! I can't wait to use that at my WW meeting.

Can you supersize that for the old lady??? It's our anniversary!

yes I can actually imaging my husband pulling into the drive through and announcing that.. what a dope! lol! Tim and I went to work out (with Dylan) and we had such a good time together. We did my regular workout then part of Tim's regular work out. It was the first time in our 10 year relationship that we've ever worked out together other than walking or biking. It was actually very fun. After 2 hours at the gym we went over to the mall so Tim could buy some new gym shoes and we had lunch together.

Anyway that was Saturday and today it's raining and cold, not sure what we'll do today.. oh well. we'll figure out something.

ahh not there yet.. and it's CARMALITA'S NIGHT

Got on the scale this am and it looks to be either a high 141 or 142. Okay.. I'm getting there.. couldn't drag my arse out of bed this morning... I guess all that running and walking yesterday did me in. We also had a thunderstorm around 5am that woke Tim up so he could go do some laundry... yeah, let's make more noise at 5am.. whatever.

Anyway tonight is CARMALITA'S NIGHT.. the night of pig fest for me!!

waiting for the sweet numbers 140 to pop up on that scale.....

ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'm going to hop up on that scale and the heavens will open up and there it will be... the angels will sing, harps will be harping, the whole nine yards.. and there it will be the real deal, not because I ate too many sugar free jelly beans, but because I literally worked my arse off. All the walking, running, circuit training, workout dvds, every carrott and spaghetti squash, will all add up to that one small number..... and then it will be the day of splurging... every Baker's Square within in the state of Illinois and maybe any in western Indiana and southern Wisconsin better put their French Silks in storage, spit on them, sell them all before I get there... because I'm eating them all... and then I will be 150lbs once again. Good WW attitude.. sure! ahhh not!

MOLTITOL IS EVIL and Running is kicking my ARSE!

I went to Tim's grandparents house for Fathers day and wound up having a Dumb and Dumber scene relived within my own body. I ate some sugar free jelly belly's that had maltitol in them that is basically a laxative.. horrible evil stuff. I lost 3 lbs and was VERY weak after that, had to take Monday off, couldn't even sit at the computer without getting tired. Yucko!

I biked Monday night (I was feeling better) and ran on Tuesday morning, then I was too exhausted Wednesday morning to go work out but then I went to PUMP IT UP for Sam's birthday partyhttp://www.pumpitupparty.com/crystallake.html and jumped around with the kids and hoola hooped for awhile too. I went and ran again today but it was a TOUGH mile to run. I was really working it to get there. Eventually I made it. I was reading the couch to 5k today. I guess I should have started with that, but it takes 2 months. Not sure how long it will take me to get up to 5k but that's okay. I'll take my time.

Another one bites the dust, 145.8 my lowest weight!

Whoo-hooo after biking Monday, walking Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, plus running/walking at the gym Thursday & Friday I've lost another lb AND it's my week before TOM. I haven't lost weight the week before TOM since before starting bc! whoo-hoo. Ran another mile and almost a half on Thursday, then today (Saturday) went in and took Dylan to sign up and ran a mile at 5.0 instead of 4.5. I'm working on it. It's going to be a long process, but I'm working on it!

MILE # 1

I've done it. I ran the first mile of my life without stopping. I seriously can not believe I did it. I've told everyone, written emails about it, called people, I'm amazed. I've never been able to run much because my feet hit the pavement so hard, I huff and puff, and have this weird clicking in my neck when I run. It's bad. I had heard running on a treadmill is easier. Yeah it was, I could have run longer, faster, etc but I didn't want to burn myself out so I just did the mile and then walked for awhile after.

146.8 my lowest weight ever and my new hobby...

I had a bad weigh in, gained 2.4 lbs because of my week before TOM binge, my week of TOM binge, and the week after TOM binge which only leaves me with 1 lonely week per month to actually LOSE WEIGHT! ughh... Anyway, after my 5 hours of working out on Saturday, plus biking Sunday and Monday, plus Walking Saturday, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I lost 2.6lbs! I've never lose that much in one week ever. Must have been some water weight! Anyway....

I found a new hobby. I met Michelle yesterday in Long Grove to go ceramic painting. I figured because my grandma used to do it all the time that I'd do a butterfly as my first piece in her honor. I had a ton of fun and didn't spend too much money. I'll go back next week to pick up my pieces and see how I did.

4-5 hours of activity = 11 AP's in the WW world!

Wednesday (6/7) I did random activities that totaled out to be 5 hours of activity and broken down equaled out to 11 WW AP's, and I got on the scale Thursday morning and was back down to 145lb which should put me back around 147 at my WW meeting (with clothes on)! Okay, that was a super run on sentence. Let me go through the list of activities I did.

*47 minute Ramp It Up part of Slim in 6 at 6:30am
*carried around 400 files from one side of the office to the other and filed them (lifting some 2"++ legal size files over my head and actually sweating in the process). This took an hour from 2:30-3:30pm approximately.
*Walked for an hour with Pat and Julie through Algonquin Lakes, up hills, down hills, etc
*Biked 15 miles with Tim, Patrick, and Laura and Laura & Patrick bike pretty fast so I got a pretty good workout
*Walked Blue around the block for his workout

The best part was Thursday I was THRISTY for more. I wanted to work out but had nobody to bike with. I also biked on Sunday and Monday this week, so so far I've done really well. I did wind up walking around the hood last night with Heidi and Paige, so that was something.

"...and I've carried this picture in my wallet for the last 37 years"

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breaths away"

and here was another example in my life. My mother in law's retirement party. Her co-workers made a Scottish theme and with my husband on my side in his kilt and his father on my other side also in his kilt I sat and watched the presentations made for her. Some silly, some sady, some just off the wall..... but then my father in law who wanted to contribute to the event got up and decided to show off some pictures of his bride... a picture of her on a horse when she was maybe 2 or 3, a picture of her sitting on the lawn looking BEAUTIFUL as a teenager, an awesome picture of her in her wedding dress standing between bushes that I'd never seen, a picture of her when they were dating, and lastly as he said it "the picture I've carried in my wallet for the last 37 years".... not a dry eye in the room especially mine.... so very touching to witness how totally in love my husbands parents are. I am in awe.

Not a good weigh in followed by walking with Pat

So Saturday morning I woke up and weighed myself and the scale didn't lQQk bad when I was naked so I figured, ahhh I'll be okay.... just go in face the music, weigh in then if I want I won't have to weigh in again for an entire month. Stay for the meeting, get the benefits of the meeting, which is exactly what I did. I gained 2.4lbs I'm now back up to 149.4! ugghh right under my goal. Journaling here I come. I did learn one thing about myself at the meeting, I knew it before but saying this out loud confirmed it. I will eat 3 cupcakes even though the first two do not taste good because I'm seeking out the "O" mouth factor that will never come. If it didn't come the first cupcake it ain't coming my the 3rd when I've eaten all the points.

I joined a challenge on the Lifetime thread. It's basically coming up with any goal for yourself and striving to make those goals by July 4th. My goals are to get TOM eating under control (the week before and the week of TOM are totally out of control), journaling, working out (keep reading for my thoughts on this), not eating when I'm not hungry, and only eating what is tasting good to me and lately my regular things I used to love... I'm just not liking which is good.

Well after my weigh in I went over to Pat's house to go walking... Pat is a lady I used to work out with at LWE and Julie ran into her this week at the library! What luck! They exchanged emails and we started planning to meet to walk. She lives in Algonquin Lakes which has some AWESOME walking paths that go along natural trails and lakes within her subdivision. Very pretty and A GREAT workout! Uphill, downhill, flat, winding in and out of houses, townhouses, schools, ball fields, streets, you name it. On our walk we were talking about how we found out LWE was closing and we had a similar experience. Both of us had been there Tuesday, didn't go Wednesday, then showed up Thursday to the "we are closed" pink highlighter sign. Pat told me how panicked and upset and then depressed she became about it and how much she missed the workout and the other women she worked out with. Since not having a workout place to go to we've both been sitting at home at that time during the day (5:30) wondering what to do with ourselves. I know that around 7pm every night I think to myself, It's 7pm and I still haven't worked out! aughh. Since LWE I've been obsessive about making sure that I have some activity in my life each day although it seems that I've been slacking at it. It sucks that before my workout was taken care of. Any extra activity I did on my own was well EXTRA, which was awesome! There was no thinking involved, I stopped there on my way home and just did it. Good news is we are going on a bike ride today in with the hood, so my exercise is taken care of.

Not even tasting the food I used to crave and love.....

so... I've figured out that no matter what I do I have 2 weeks per month that I won't lose so it seems since making goal that I just throw in the towel those 2 weeks of the month and eat whatever I want. Well it seems no matter how much I eat or what I eat that I'm ever satisfied, most of the time I'm not even hungry it's just time for dinner or I haven't eaten in awhile, and a majority of the time the food I'm picking I'm not even tasting the way I used to taste it. I eat the whole thing the whole time trying to figure out why I used to "love" this or that so much, but like I said, I always finish it anyway! It's very screwed up. I'm also having this strange problem of feeling as if "there is food out there that I could be eating" for example, there are several parties in my neighborhood right now, most of which have tons of food at and I could walk up at any time and grab a plate full and I'm feeling as if that is MY food waiting for me. Or every restaurant I drive by is holding my chocolate shake randsom! WHAT is wrong with this picture. I'm having a problem figuring out why this is such a mental block when the whole time my body is just craving good foods...???

pick door a or door b

I pick door b..... "okay pack your bags because we're going to GERMANY FOR 6 WEEKS" yes, this was my conversation at about 10am this morning with my husband! Don't know dates or anything yet, but I'm pretty excited!

me obsessing over exercise???

yeah, I'm just as confused as you are. I never thought I'd be one of those people who was obsessed about working out! But here I am with no gym to go to, no ladies to work out with, no venting forum to have ears to lay my stories out to.... I can't even believe that I made an hour time each day to work out. It seems now that I get home and it's already 6:30, how did I get time to work out before? So now, here I am worried I'll gain the weight back if I don't work out. I've been trying to at least get in an hour of biking 3 days per week which with the weather isn't working out. I did move the elliptical upstairs so if I'm watching TV I can jump on that too. I have done my workout video SI6 once, tried Yoga Booty Ballet hip hop and really didn't like it. The moves were too coordinated for me! I couldn't do it and felt as if there was no work out for me to it. I'm collecting the McDonalds workout's but so far I only have 2 of the 4. I will try to bring one of mine back to exchange because I got 2 of the same one. Other than that I've been walking the dog and cleaned the house last weekend (mother's day weekend) like a mad woman. I cleaned for 3-4 hours on Sat and from 7:40am to 9:15pm on Sunday so I didn't think a work out was needed. I figured I was moving most of the day Sunday and that was enough. I weighed in last weekend and was down to 147 EVEN my lowest ever, so I was pretty darn proud of that, but again here I am eating as I please the last week or so. Well stay tuned to see how my "work-outs" progress.......

feeling as if.... I've lost 2 years of my life..... :(

Okay. I went to my work out place last night (Ladies workout express, sort of like a curves) and there was a sign on the door that said "sorry we're closed" it's a small place so I figured the girl who was working tonight was sick or whatever. I left there and called a girl I know that work out there too and she said "yeah, I was there today and yesterday they had the same sign up" so she said that one of the girls that works there had called her but didn't leave a message so she said that she would call her and get the scoop and she'd call me back. I called there and got their voicemail and it said "sorry we're closed, to transfer your membership call..." WHAT? I've been a member since before they opened, I was the first customer to walk through those doors on OPENING DAY! hello? So the woman who worked there called my workout buddy and told her basically "home office" shut them down for not having enough members. I'm SO upset now because I met so many AMAZING women there and now have no way of getting in touch with any of them, I don't have a place that I would like to go to that is close enough to my house where I know I would go to 6 days a week like I go there, I don't want to start up somewhere else and have to pay start up fees and be stuck in a contract (I had a month to month contract because I've been a member there over a year), PLUS the place CHANGED MY LIFE! It was why I started WW, why I lost 56lbs, why I kept going, PLUS I encouraged other members there to join WW and they are all doing really well with working out and WW as a combination

Angels on my side???

Saturday night Tim went to play poker over at Ed's house as he has been doing pretty often lately. Good group of people playing for fun. So Dylan and I decided to head out to Sweet Tomatoes for dinner. We came home driving down Algonquin Road the entire way going about 80mph or so at different spots. Nothing unusual happened, no weird noises, no curb checks, nothing...... Sunday morning I wake up and start thinking I better get going because I'm suppossed to be dropping Dylan off at Judy's around 1:30ish. I had some grocery shopping to do plus I wanted to stop at Wal-Mart and run a few other errands. Dylan decided he wanted to come with me partly to buy some new phone cards for both Leif & Sam (yes SAM has a cell phone now too) and to look for something for me to buy him for his birthday. We jump in the car and and it starts to start up then just dies. Try it again and NOTHING!! Okay... it's a 2006, never changed the battery.... it's time... these things happen whatever. Call Tim to come out, jump it, he drives it around the block and I decide to take the truck. I take the truck, do my errands, come back, jump it again (of course it was dead again), drive it around the subdivision. Tim had noticed everytime he turned it made a strange noise so I wanted to check it out. I drove it around and every time I'd make a sharp turn it would feel as if I had a rear wheel drive sliding out behind me in the snow! Not good. My gages were popping up and down every time I gassed (yes every gage including my temp and gas would pop up and down) and my digital odemetor was not blinking but doing some little crazy dance. So I called my dad, who was off at the flying field. In the mean time I called Dan just to ask his opinion and he said "it's probably the battery and the alternator, run out to Auto Zone and buy them and I'll come over and install them" ummmm okay! lol! So Dylan and I run out and buy out gadgets and come home. Dan walks in the door, walks right back out to the garage, comes back in less than a minute later and pulls me outside. He said "look at your car, what's wrong with it" now earlier in the morning when Tim had pushed it out of the garage I noticed it looked strange but I thought it was the angle he pulled it out on.... now looking at my driveway I didn't see anything strange. Dan points and says "one tire is facing in.... the other is straight, you have way bigger problems than a battery!"..... UHHH CRAP! Sure enough my right side tie rod end was completely broken off, MEANING if I had been driving 80mph when that happend, the car would have been totaled with both Dylan and I inside. Wonderful. Dan starts hacking away at the car, neighbors come down to help, my parents show up, Dan's mom shows up, neighbors brought their dogs and Blue was having a regular dog party in the house. Dan's mom was cooking and cleaning in my house. I was running out to Auto Zone making friends with Jon there, the liquor store for more beer and cigarettes, Tim and my dad were busy changing out the battery, all three Chris/Kris neighbors where here (Chris Allen even brought some special kind of torch Dan needed and of course Tequila), MOI stopped over because she got locked out of the house, the immediate neighbors stopped over just to see what happened etc. It was pretty funny. Okay, Tim got the battery out and my dad immediately tested it... there was nothing wrong with it. It was fully amped, there was no reason at all it wouldn't start my car, but they put the new one in, it started right up, the battery light didn't come on, and the gages are working normally!! whoo-hooo. So this is where I know that I have angels on my side... if it would have started I would have been on Algonquin Road maybe going 50mph plus. Someone's looking down on me! Dan got the tie rod fixed and suggested I get an alinment, went in and ate some of what his mom had cooked/brought, hung out for awhile, and I immediately got sick. Was in the bathroom for over an hour with it coming out both ends doubled over in pain. At one point I crawled into bed and Blue came in and straight under the covers he went pulling them down with him. I rolled over and the blanket magically pulled itself back up as if someone was staning over me, tucking me back in. I started crying knowing that my grandma was there with me, and a minute later my mom walks in and I couldn't tell her that grandma had just been there. I was too emotional about it. Well anyway.... the moral of the story here is I know I have angels watching over me and I don't know how much longer or how much more each of them will be able to "save" me in certain situations, but I do know I'm lucky to have them. And today, I go back to Auto Zone to return my unused alternator that never had to be replaced and the old battery even thought it's in fine shape! ahhh the tangled webs we weave.

EXHAUSTED and don't want to go back to work

Well my trip to AZ is over.... not enough relaxing time and too much "go time" meaning most of the trip we were going going GOING!! Anyway.. came back home to my clean home which became a disaster area in less than 5 minutes... ahh well. Got a really cool gift from Pam. A key ring that has Melissa on one side "Lifetime" on the other and a candle. I guess she felt bad she didn't make the meeting, which was okay.... very nice gift either way! :)

made LIFETIME today!

whoo-hooo.... leaving for AZ tomorrow! Can't wait. Have a ton of packing to do which I haven't done ANY! Better get a move on!

Not what I was hoping for... BUT a loss is a loss!

I lost .4lbs this week which puts me at 147.2. I was hoping to be 146 today because I'll have TOM next week and won't lose. I leave for vacation on Sunday and I really wanted to be 146 so I'd have a 6lb cushion. I guess a 5lb cushion isn't too bad and I'll have a few days to get back on track after the trip to drink a ton of water and flush out any water weight!

To my darling niece Reilly Kate.....

another letter I wrote.. this one to my cousin Heather. I attached it to a gift for Reilly Kate.


Dear Heather & Michael,
I just wanted a chance to tell you the meaning behind this gift...... I found it in an angel catalog I receive. This picture is titled “Remembering”. As you may or may not know I personally believe in angels and heaven and collect angel figurines, dolls, paintings, etc..... I saw this picture and first just thought it reminded me of a picture of Heather when she was about 2 years old. Then, the picture brought on new life. I have always believed that children (souls)pick their parents long before conception and the beauty behind this picture of a child (a soul) looking down from the heavens patiently awaiting return reaffirmed my belief.
I can remember being in awe as a child looking at the picture of the angel hovering over the children walking over the bridge in my “auntie Kathies” house. The theory that there is someone watching over you, weather you feel you need it or not , has always been a source of comfort for me. This is especially great to me now as a parent looking for answers to a child’s questions of why things happen in this world.
I also believe that babies are our closest link to the angels and heaven. You can smell it in their hair, feel it in the softness of their skin, and see it in their eyes when they look past you at “nothing”. I believe when babies are looking at “nothing” they are visiting with their angels. Wendy witnessed on several occasions Leif’s angels when he was a baby. There were times when he would awaken from a nap and his mobile turned on by itself, entertaining him until she arrived. Another time she walked into the room where he was sleeping to discover a little girl watching over him as he slept.
I myself never had this type of encounter , but I did encounter what I call an omen. For two new parents who have already had a health scare with their child you both can appreciate my story. The morning of Dylan’s first surgery July 14th, 1994 about 5 am Dan and I were driving on Sheridan road towards Evanston hospital. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shinning, birds singing, dew on the grass .. you get the picture. People were running, biking, and walking on both sides of the street, cars were in front of and behind us..... We were probably driving about 30 mph when Dan slowed down and stopped. The world had stopped. There were no cars in front or behind us, the bikers, runners, walkers were gone. It was just Dan, Dylan, and myself inside our car and a beautiful fawn standing 20 feet in front of our car alone. The fawn watched us for what seemed like hours. We sat there frozen and listened to Dylan cooing in the back seat and enjoyed this special moment, a gift that was sent to us to let us know “everything would be okay”. The fawn finally stepped up on the curb and walked through the back yard of this huge beautiful home and stopped one last time to turn its head as if “making sure we got the message”. When the fawn disappeared from sight cars were on both sides of the road, people were walking, running, biking... time had started again. 30 seconds previous I had been worried and now I was at ease and felt this tremendous pressure lifted.
For me, this was proof that God will not put anything on you that you can not handle. Being a parent this is crucial to keep in mind when things get tough. No matter what the situation, remember.... all things happen for a reason and look at this picture and realize.. you were chosen by her, your beautiful daughter, Reilly Kate. (pretty smart baby if you ask me!)
With love on this joyous occasion, Melissa

What a WONDERFUL world....

a copy of a letter I wrote my cousin Danny who is currently in Iraq but on his way home to us very soon. This letter is going to be added to a book his girlfriend Amanda is feverishly working on to get done before his homecoming!

February 18, 2006
Hey Danny………..
I talked to you this morning….and was one of the first to hear your news (from you personally) that you had orders to come home on 1 April! For some reason I wasn’t thinking that it was NEW news or that is was FACTUAL news or that you actually had those orders. I thought you were making conversation and the date that your mom had in mind of the end of May was still correct. After talking later with your mom and Amanda I found out NO THIS IS HUGE NEWS. And so we prepare for your homecoming. Plans are to be made for your arrival day, meeting you at the gate, balloons and banners, camera’s to be charged, gas tanks to be filled, plane tickets to be shuffled, everyone to be contacted of your arrival, weight to be lost for the endless feasting we will do once you arrive, parties to be planned, I could go on and on. But the biggest project has to be this book. Danny, Amanda loves you down to her core. This book is proof of her endless dedication to you. I know this love is new, but Dan, take a look… just take a look… you don’t even have to have your eyes open to know it, to feel it, to breathe it, to be intoxicated by it. It’s there, it’s real, it’s here, and you aren’t letting go, and everyone couldn’t be happier for you.
Iraq has changed our Danny… Iraq has stripped the extra bs from Danny and left us with your core… just Danny plain and simple. Iraq has put things into amazing perspective for you, the simple things are all you need in this world, and Amanda holds that key to keeping simplicity within your life. So I have to thank Iraq for allowing our Danny to come back a new man, a renewed man, a man who will carry Iraq within him for the remainder of his days. I also have to thank God, Kevlar, and your interpreters who watched your back during your day to day missions, because without them, you wouldn’t be coming back to us. I have to thank your mother for being your mother, for bringing you and Heather into this world, because without you two in this world, I don’t know where I’d be in life. You’ve both always been there for me through anything that came my way and I can’t thank you both enough. Danny, your Hossie has helped mold all of us through the years and now is the bearer of two amazing reasons for you to have made it through every second through Iraq. Reilly & Roman, their little pure faces…. Reilly’s boundless laughter and energy and Roman’s angelic sweetness reminding us to always “GO ME”. Lastly, I have to thank Amanda for being an amazing pen pal to you during your Iraq time. I feel it was her who breathed new love into your heart that added lift to your step.
As I write this I’m listening to IZ. He singing one of my favorite songs….. What a Wonderful World and reminds me of this beautiful friendship bond that our families have. It’s so amazing and I am actually in awe of how strong this bond has gotten during the time you’ve been in Iraq. I can not thank your mom, Ken, my mom, and my dad enough for bringing our two families together. I think this bond is unbreakable because we aren’t blood family, we CHOOSE to be here in one another’s lives. It’s something so unique, it’s indescribable….. It just is.
I see trees of green, red roses too I see them bloom for me and you And I think to myself, what a wonderful world I see skies of blue and clouds of white The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night And I think to myself, what a wonderful world The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky Are also on the faces of people going by I see friends shakin' hands, sayin' "How do you do?" They're really saying "I love you" I hear babies cryin', I watch them grow They'll learn much more than I'll ever know And I think to myself, what a wonderful world Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world ~ Louis Armstrong
Remember when we were kids and we had our favorite underroos??? You know.. I can’t even remember who we all were, but it seems that all the girls were Wonder Woman so I can only imagine that you were either Super Man or Spider Man. The crazy thing about those time is that those costumes made us feel invincible, like no body could touch us, no bullet could penetrate our bodies…. We had our amazing shields, bracelets, and headbands that bullets would just bounce off of… and here you are in a war…. Without your shied, bracelets, or one of our headbands because unfortunately we had to grow up and our imaginations could only carry us so far. I’m so glad I have those memories, because those were dang fun memories. What is funny is in our grown up lives, we have become Superhero’s of some type… you a great American war hero and Heather, Wendy, and I mothers to 1 amazing little girl and 4 energetic boys… all of whom offer us a glance at looking through the world through their eyes from time to time… and maybe we can catch a glimpse of our past Superhero’s selves. What a wonderful world.
I love you, I missed you, I can’t wait to be part of your life after Iraq…. Keep those feet firmly planted and remember to KISS (keep it simple stupid).
Melissa

147.6

Now I'm talking! I was so afraid I wouldn't lose at my weigh in on Saturday and I did. I seriously couldn't believe it because at home my scale showed a gain of at least a lb! I'm hoping to get down to 146 before I leave for the trip. I have two more weigh in's so I think it's possible! I just have to get on track here!

SIZE 0? AM I REALLY NOTHING?

Okay.... soooo a ton of people on line, at work, everywhere have been talking about these Gap jeans lean & tall. I figured I would go check them out because they are on sale at the Gap outlet not far from my house. I walked in and found them rather quickly and was holding each pair up to me. Size 0 lQQked like it would fit so I decided to take sizes 0-6 into the dressing room with me. WELL THEY FIT! Believe me, I'm as shocked as you are. The way that my body is shaped though is weird. In these jeans they were baggy in the butt and leggs but the waist was tight and came up higher (bigger size more fabric) in the size 6, as I went down the butt/leggs fit more snug and the waist came lower which fit better. I finally just jumped into the size 0's but of course the way that my body is shaped I have this huge roll of fat that gets pushed up and over the waistband so I'll have to wear a long shirt with them! I figure I'll work on my personal goal of 140 and see if those babies fit better than... for now they fit and I can wear them without hurting myself! AMAZING!

Proof my grandma speaks to me

So last Saturday night I had a dream about Margaret. Not sure why but I found out during the week that she had her baby on Sunday. To me this is finally the proof I've been lQQking for that my grandma still watches over and communicates with me, in essense, still seeks a relationship with me. I think of this as very comforting because she's always been a big part of my life.

Anyway, I lost the lb I gained back last week due to falling off the wagon for about a week and half. I got back on (again) and fordged forward and here I am again at 148.2. Guessing my body likes that number! Wendy joined today too!